But yet, it isn't near, it's here, right here. The apocalypse isn't an event, it's a process. It's looms over, announces its intentions, engulfs and swallows whole. When I'm gone, I won't mind. I've had my time, I've had fun. This is merely the end of what should never have started in the first place.
I don't want to end it all before time is due, there's a point when even having suicidal thoughts just becomes meaningless and not worth the effort. You see people walking around, thinking about things, about the future, uncertain, but unaware. All of them unaware. They can feel it coming, but it's just a presence, we've been told the end was near since we were kids, it's not like it's news.
You don't have dreams for the future anymore because there is no future, all which exists in your imagination is resized to fit this narrow space. I guess it doesn't even make me anxious. What matters if I have 1 decade, 1 year, 1 week? Nothing is that important to me anymore.
Y'know, if someone told you you had 1 year left to live, I guess a lot of people would just, well, view things differently. If you know you don't have much time left, your perspective changes, everything suddenly becomes so small, things that were once so important to you just become meaningless, you'll never finish college, you'll never marry them, you'll never go there. There's not enough time.