Absorb The Non-Issue

[Vitrolic Medicine]

Onto me. You were vaccinated and immune to Sudden Unicorn Death Syndrome, I wasn't.

I wonder what the hay is that illness called.

 

[Streyll]

Someone tells you the name, but the name causes anyone that hears it to go mad, and unfortunately I hear it. Someone then kills me because I try summoning an eldritch god.


I drink something.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

Its my dead bodies blood.

I roleplay

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

You accidentally LARP killing me with a real weapon; I don't get up.

I decide to help somepony with a thread.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

The thread is around my neck and it tightens.

I watch "extreme couponing"

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

I was choking right behind you, but you were too into the show to notice.

I exist.

 

[Streyll]

You decide that you don't want me to exist though, so you kill me.


I look uo moves for Pokémon.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

And use the strongest move on me. Its super effective! Its a critical hit!

I make a horrible grammar error

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

I die from a heart attack upon seeing your horrendous error.

I sing something.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

Its the funeral March for my funeral.

I make a language

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

I point out that it's redundant; you kill me for that with a dagger.

I watch the news, worried.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

I die of secondhand worry

I speak 日本語

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

I die because I don’t understand what you’re saying.

I get my PFPs stuck in between rotations

 

[Streyll]

You use that to trick me into thinking you're someone else, before killing me.


I set up a ladder for setting up christmas decorations.

 

[Ivyss]

While setting up the decorations, you fall from the ladder, on me, and break my back. You then call an ambulance to get me to the hospital, where they attempt surgery to fix my back, but they make an accident during the surgery and I die.

My back hurts.

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

It turns out that it’s actually spinal fracture, so you call an ambulance which runs me over.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

That ambulance also runs me over.

I plan to let Firewing inherit my account for a month at least.

 

[Streyll]

Unfortunately, their name is very literal, and I get set on fire.

I am now on fire and burning to death.

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

I use vague voodoo magic to transfer the fire onto me and I die.

I’m literally dead.

 

[Streyll]

I sacrifice myself in a ritual to revive you.

I respawn after about an hour.