WIP A Random Terraria Story

[scribblegengar]

NOTE: Logron is a boss which I made myself. Also, this story is supposed to be after WoF. (no hardmode bosses defeated yet)

NOTE NOTE: I am bad at writing. Sorry if this is bad.

Spoiler: Prologue

Everyone knows that you need to burn the guide to summon the Core of the World. (okay, this part isn't very good at all)

The person sighed as she shot a magic bolt at a demon. The demon exploded, dropping the doll it was carrying. Straight into lava. She thought of something for no apparent reason. The Wall of Flesh has awoken! She turned around and saw, in the distance, a giant pulsating red wall. Two big eyes stared at her, and a colossal mouth gaped open. The eyes flashed, and lasers fired at her. The mage narrowly dodged them, and fired a magic bolt at an eye. It appeared to not feel it. She realised that it was actually moving towards her. She summoned a Baby Slime. It launched itself towards the Wall of Flesh.

Because I'm bad at writing battles, hours later...

"Skrreeek!"
There was a white flash. The ancient spirits of light and dark have been released. In front of the mage was a purple box, with a door in it. She opened it...

(I will not be as lazy in the future with writing this!)

 

[TheJoekster]

Not much of a writer, myself, but I can help you out a bit here. Take my advice with a grain of salt, because I am not nearly as skilled at writing as others in this community.

You have a good skeleton that shows what you are trying to go for. I like the 'Core of the World' thing that you added, it sounds badass and should be used as an alternate Wall of Flesh boss name at some point. The idea you have for the opening - going straight to an intense scene that immediately grips the reader - is a very good one, if used correctly, but yours seems to lack a little bit because of the way you are articulating your thoughts. The number one rule in descriptive writing -

Show, don't tell.

Don't tell me that you need to burn the Guide to summon the Core of the World, show me how you need to burn the Guide to summon it. Similarly, don't tell me that the player defeated the Wall of Flesh, show me how. You did a good job of this when you described the killing of the demon, and an even better job when you described the physical appearance of the Wall of Flesh. I noticed that you said you weren't good at describing battles - transitioning from telling to showing takes a little practice and will naturally some as you continue writing.

I'm looking forward to seeing more content from you in the coming weeks.

 

[scribblegengar]

Not much of a writer, myself, but I can help you out a bit here. Take my advice with a grain of salt, because I am not nearly as skilled at writing as others in this community.

You have a good skeleton that shows what you are trying to go for. I like the 'Core of the World' thing that you added, it sounds badass and should be used as an alternate Wall of Flesh boss name at some point. The idea you have for the opening - going straight to an intense scene that immediately grips the reader - is a very good one, if used correctly, but yours seems to lack a little bit because of the way you are articulating your thoughts. The number one rule in descriptive writing -

Show, don't tell.

Don't tell me that you need to burn the Guide to summon the Core of the World, show me how you need to burn the Guide to summon it. Similarly, don't tell me that the player defeated the Wall of Flesh, show me how. You did a good job of this when you described the killing of the demon, and an even better job when you described the physical appearance of the Wall of Flesh. I noticed that you said you weren't good at describing battles - transitioning from telling to showing takes a little practice and will naturally some as you continue writing.

I'm looking forward to seeing more content from you in the coming weeks.

Thanks ^-^ I'm going to try more with the battles. (Sorry for such a short reply. I did read all of it!)