Absorb The Non-Issue

[cheese_face8903]

I test them. They don’t work.

I sharpen a pencil

 

[Snek person👁🐿️]

it spotaniously launches itself at me at mach 4 and explodes on impact

a cricket chirps

 

[MegaByte]

I have cricket phobia, so I die from fear.

I watch a movie.

 

[Orchamut]

Was that a Paper Mario TTYD reference?!?!
It's a scary movie that puts you on edge, so you fill your basement with lethal gas to get rid of anything that might be living down there. I was living down there.

I sell an old book.

 

[MegaByte]

I haven't played that game but I'll call it an accidental reference
I buy the book and eat it, then I die from book poisoning.

I give some coins to a homeless guy.

 

[Snek person👁🐿️]

he uses them to buy Snake Snacks™

the sun goes down and immedietely comes back up

 

[Streyll]

This confuses a driver, causing them to crash. Unfortunately, I was standing nearby when it happens, and get crashed into.

(I confuse people with having a mute character for my profile at the moment.)

 

[Snek person👁🐿️]

they get confused into accidently launching the Apoclypse Missile™ into the sun, destroying the universe

someone puts a sock in a water bottle for some reason

 

[The Triangle God]

I drink it and choke on the sock

I start selling sock water

 

[Snek person👁🐿️]

i use it to grow socks in my garden but they attack and eat me

the moon randomly appears in the sky

 

[TechionPrime41 🌳]

And so does Moon Lord, and shoots a Phantasmal Deathray at me. I don't have any armor on.

I make a snowcone.

 

[SaltyDog]

I eat it and promptly die because the taste is so horrible.

I push enter on my current post in this thread.

 

[The Triangle God]

The click is so loud I go deaf and scream

I listen to super Ghostbusters for the 19203 time

 

[MegaByte]

19203th time summons the spirit of Ghostbuster buster, and it kills me since I like ghostbusters.

I stop time for few seconds to fart without making noise.

 

[The Triangle God]

I smell it and send a galaxy wide alert.

I then eat a burger

 

[MegaByte]

a burger is way too small for your hunger, so out of frustration you eat everything in existance.

I press some random keys of a piano.

 

[HandsomeSquirrel🐿️]

It triggers an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that unplugs my life support.

I plug my life support back in.

 

[Snek person👁🐿️]

it requires a small sacrifice of everything else that's alive

i listen to naval blockade from Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War