Absorb The Non-Issue

[Ivyss]

I fix the space time continuum, but that cost my existence.

I never existed.

 

[Akira Nishikiyama]

You were the only person who could save everyone from the calamity, so I am dead.

There is a calamity that will kill everyone.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I give up, go to a different universe, evacuate everybody there, but I don't make it out.

I am the only casualty of that calamity.

 

[SaltyDog]

I die because you were diseased and I got it.

I fly an airplane.

 

[Ivyss]

You hit me with the airplane.

I get hit with an airplane.

 

[SaltyDog]

You were carrying a heavy box by the edge of a cliff when you got hit, so you fall and your box crushes me. Yes I am in two places at once.

I take a walk.

 

[Animus Viral]

You walk into a trap, but it kills me.

I transmute an egg.

 

[Streyll]

...Into Uranium 235. I die of radiation poisoning.

I shutdown a nuclear reactor.

 

[Animus Viral]

that powers the city that also powers my life support which now shutdowns and guess i'll die.


the giant enemy spider

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

It cocoons me and injects its venom. I get melted and killed, before being drained by the spider.

I protest the local unfriendly laws.

 

[SaltyDog]

You mistakenly protest the international friendly outlaws, I then suicide out of distress.

I shoot a portal gun.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

You didn't read the rules of using the portal gun, I get killed for your mistakes.

(Salty, it's about YOU absorbing the non-issue for you, not me getting killed by non-issue to you)

I fly in the race.

 

[SaltyDog]

There was a wire on the ground, tripping me because I couldn't fly.

(Sorry, just a typo...).

I buy a guitar.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

And then drop it on my head, caving in my skull while breaking it.

I decide to build a cannon.

 

[SaltyDog]

You didn't know that the cannonballs were actually sphere-shaped nukes, so you light the cannon and launch the nuke, causing the nuke to explode from hitting the ground, killing us all, (including me of course).

I open my laptop.

 

[Streyll]

You didn't notice that someone put a grenade on top of it. The grenade then rolls off of your laptop when you open it and ends up next to me. The grenade then explodes and kills me.

I build an Artillery Foundry.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

It gets converted by red Priest, whose civ then uses to create 20 Sumerian Heavy Catapults. Needless to say, I die from confusion as I ask myself "wait how can Sumer convert buildings?"

I build an Academy while lazily skimming through rewatching MLP: FiM.

 

[Akira Nishikiyama]

A horse watches the show from a distance, and starts a revolution in Flemington. The horses win, and Flemington becomes the capital of the new Horse Republic.

I am killed by a horse with a rifle, somehow

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

I notice that, then get killed by halberdier, somehow.

I build three Blockhouses.

 

[Streyll]

I decide to send a few troops to attack them, and then you attack while all of my troops are attacking, so I don't have any troops to defend... I then get killed by your troops.

I set an avali TF potion on a shelf.