Absorb The Non-Issue

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

And Never Wake Up

I Give The Poster Below A Cursed Lucky Rabbits Foot That Gives You INFINITE Good Luck Until You Lose It, Except You Can't Actually Lose It In Any Way Or Have It Stolen By Anyone Forever And Ever. (Also It Can't Kill You)

 

[Yello_X]

Satan came and killed me (How unlucky is that?)
I do target practice with a NERF

 

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

The Gun Had A Defect That Made It Fire Fast Enough To Kill. Why The Did You Use Me As Target Practice?!

I Give You A Thing That Makes You Immortal.

 

[Ivyss]

That conflicts with my preexisting immortality and causes death.

I pet a cat.

 

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

The Cat Completely Freaks Out And Claws Everyone In A 10 Foot Radius. Bad Day To Visit.

I S C R O N C H

 

[Yello_X]

Orang throws Meme Man at me and MM kills everyone in a 6 foot radius
I read a book

 

[Huzbubber Tim]

When you close the book I get squished.

I open a door

 

[Yello_X]

I was standing behind the door
I watch a movie

 

[Huzbubber Tim]

It’s a horror movie and the monster jumps out and kills me

I take a box of cereal off a shelf

 

[Yello_X]

The shelf was booby-trapped with weight censors and a boulder splatted me
I put on my shoes

 

[Malfestio]

You use my shoes, I step on a lego and then I die.

I jump in a pool

 

[Huzbubber Tim]

I jump in after you and drown

I guess for a run

 

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

You Run Off A Cliff And Land Right On Top Of Me. What Luck, Huh?

I Kill The Poster Below. (Beat That!)

 

[Yello_X]

I dodge your killing attempt but by doing that I fell off a cliff
I turn on main screen

 

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

I Stuck A Fork Into The Outlet, Dying.

I Die.

 

[Ivyss]

You were a voodoo thing for me.

I hit a wall.

 

[Yello_X]

You accidentally hit a lever that releases a giant bowling ball on me
I go for a walk

 

[Huzbubber Tim]

You step on me

I mow the lawn

 

[Golden Heretic Snakeboat]

Bad Day To Be A Blade Of Grass On Your Lawn.

I Do Everything Possible To Cause Others To Die.

 

[Huzbubber Tim]

I die

I make world peace