Absorb The Non-Issue

[Animus Viral]

I get ejected afterwards because people say I'm sus.


The attach files button exists.

 

[CantWontDo]

I accidentally transmit myself into space and die.

There is a nice funeral for me.

 

[JohannSimm]

It's raining during the funeral. I slip in a puddle and fall on the path directly in front of the procession; the pallbearers stumble and drop the coffin on me. Some hours after being discharged from hospital, I unwittingly walk into an open manhole and die.

A concerned citizen replaces the manhole cover.

 

[Ivyss]

I trip on the manhole cover and break my neck.

I trip on a manhole cover and break my neck.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to fix it, but I get mugged.

I got mugged.

 

[CantWontDo]

I walk forward while looking at my phone in between you and the mugger.

I fling it outwards as I fall.

 

[JohannSimm]

I get brained in the head with the phone, which, in conjunction with the paradox of Agent Standstorm Σ's death being retroactively prevented (thereby unravelling the very continuum of this thread), causes my head to explode.

The sonic boom from the explosion shatters every window within a hundred-mile radius.

 

[Ivyss]

It also makes my head literally explode.

My head explodes.

 

[Streyll]

One of your fangs hits my shoulder, and I die a few minutes later of venom.


I die of Chir's venom.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

I try to get you antivenom, but the other of Chir' fangs hit me, and I too die from the venom.

I attempt to copyright a sonic boom.

 

[Streyll]

You decide to hire me as lawyer to help you, despite me knowing almost nothing about copyright law. I fail to copyright it, so you kill me.

I get killed because I'm not a lawyer.

 

[Ivyss]

I decide to resurrect you for my lawyer anyway because someone accused me of stealing. You get me executed.

I get executed after resurrecting Dragonwolf for my lawyer.

 

[Vitrolic Medicine]

I made that false accusation. He then gets me executed too for a crime I didn't do either.

An irony gets me executed.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I question why, and get executed.

Every RP I'm in always spends more time being active at 3 AM in the morning and I'm always asleep during that time.

 

[Streyll]

You find out that I'm somehow responsible for that, so you kill me.

I put pokemon games into both slots of a DS.

 

[Ivyss]

You try to play both games at the same time, causing the DS to explode. I get killed by a piece of it going through my throat.

I get killed by a piece of a DS going through my throat.

 

[Streyll]

Another piece of the DS goes through my heart, killing me.

I set a void infected building on fire.

 

[Ivyss]

I get a little too close to it and a piece of the building falls on me, causing me to get crushed, infected, and set on fire.

I get crushed, infected with void, and set on fire, all at once.

 

[Streyll]

I try to rescue you, and the same happens to me, except for the crushed part.

I wait for someone to reply to this thread, while also being on fire and infected with the void.

 

[Ivyss]

You try to infect me, I do get infected, but also burn to death.

I feel a little physically uncomfortable.