Corrupt the Wish!

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Granted, your life is an apocalypse.

(You just made it even better by removing the downside of people being sad due to me dying.)
(Wait... WAHT? Ok, well..................................next round.)

I wish to milk a whale. (You can obviously see what I'm doing here.)
 
Granted, it's just a hotfix. The full content initially planned for 1.3.6 has now been moved to 1.3.7, releasing at a later date

I wish for a puffy lil kitten
 
Granted. You discover you're extremely allergic to kittens.

I wish for some ice cream.
  1. The ice cream is cold enough to remain in a solid state.
  2. One scoop is no more or less than 68 grams.
  3. The brand is irrelevant.
  4. The quality is above average.
  5. The cone is of above average quality as well.
    1. It is made of pastry.
    2. The pastry’s state is solid at all times.
  6. I receive the ice cream in the aforementioned cone.
  7. The ice cream appears in my right hand within five minutes at the most appropriate time.
    1. If my right hand is occupied for the entire duration it appears in my left hand.
      1. If my left hand is also occupied the cone with ice cream appears before me, levitating for 10 seconds.
  8. The ice cream is of the vanilla flavour.
  9. The ice cream, or the cone, hold no curses or ill effects on anyone.
  10. The ice cream and the cone are both obtained through legal means by being teleported from an actual ice cream shop.
    1. The price of the ice cream, but no more than $6, is taken from my bank account and appears in cash on a counter in the shop.
  11. I enjoy the ice cream.
 
Granted, but all the things that are listed to happen don't happen since there's no "You are not allowed to bypass this list."

I wish for a cure for my boredom.
 
Granted, but you're not allowed to drink milk while eating cookies.

I wish to wish to wish to wish to wish to wish wish to wish to wish to wish to wish to wish to wish to wish to wish.
 
Granted granted granted granted granted granted granted granted granted granted. You wished.

I wish for a vending machine.
 
Granted. It's peaceful... because everyone is dead.

I wish for the same person to exist in two places at once, and meet each other.
 
Granted, but they change that particular thing right after.

I wish for a good, working monitor, at least as good as my previous one.
 
Granted. You are you, times 20. You are now in multiple places at once! But can you keep up with that?

I wish for more threads.
 
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