If the above user's profile pic was an NPC, what would he/she sell/do?

Sells me a famously powerful sword and high tech armor and nanomachines to take on an extremely dangerous and battle-hardened Senator.
 
Gives you tips to get money quickly and illegally
 
sells electrolytes and frees kids from the corruption
 
Sells vampire knives and other vampiric weapons
 
punches you for all eternity
(also real quick is your location a miitopia reffrence?)
 
Gives you money in exchange for your health
(yep!)
 
Sells the vial of blood item
 
sells magic and model trains
 
Sells healing syringes that can also be used to kill enemies with and steal health from them
 
Basically the Tax Collector except he steals money from your chests and not other NPCs. He’ll give it back if you give him a specified item.
 
Would sell cybernetic augmentations for up-and-coming cyborgs.
 
Sell you random items for traveling.
 
Sells weapons like the arms dealer
 
Sells some swords and stuff
 
Sell insects or insect-related weapons.
 
Spell tomes, and magic equipment, kind of like the Wizard, but who also sells a cool hood or two.
 
Sells painting of dragons, and gives recorded voiceclips of annoyed players failing to fight Lunatic Cultist. The voiceclips are given by means of a system similar to the Angler's, but with random fun/novelty items instead of quest fish.
 
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Plays hide and seek, and hides in a crowd of squirrels. Gives you a sapphire trophy of themselves every time you find them.
 
Worship a strange floating symbol.
 
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If the above user's profile pic was a NPC, what would one of their quotes be?
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