Story of a Paladin
- Thread starter Samrux
- Start date
Xman101🌳
Cultist
I think you may have missed something in the previous chapter.
As far as I know, this phrase does not make sense in English. I think I can see what you're going for, but the choice of word/s is/are not quite correct. 'I might as well record the events' makes sense, but that may not fit with the precise meaning you might be going for. Possibly consult @Teal or @Pixel about this discrepancy.
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Samrux
Santa Claus
This was something I wasn't really very satisfied with the moment I wrote it. I now came up with something else to write there. Thank you.
Samrux
Santa Claus
<@ Page #11 @>
But I failed, stupendously so; I thought I was left blinded, having been robbed of my sight, by having not the slightest bit of visibility. My eyes would not simply adapt; It was true, pure blackness that I was trapped in, not even distinguishing the barest of shapes or shadows around me. I took a breath, and upon exhaling, dust blew out of my lungs and I coughed in reflex. I got up and moved around in slow pace, moving along the walls, trying not to trip and taking caution. I was worried to say a word, or make any sound, thinking I could be neutralized, or killed, if I was being kept a prisoner.
At first, there was complete silence; enough to hear my heartbeat, and there was not either any smell able to be tracked. Still blind, following the walls got my hands to find a doorknob. I considered that trying to escape would be a bad idea, a risky one. But in a crazy act, still cautiously, and still firm, I proceeded to go through the corridor behind the door. I started following the walls again. What was my surprise when after a turn I discovered that I did still possess sight; I saw a welcoming light, one of water: A candle made by mages of the kingdom. As magic persists in this world, so will its flame. I did not grant the object much importance at that moment, but later I would comprehend the frightening truth that it signified.
Finding myself able to see, though still very little, I followed a dark corridor for what appeared to be forever, before I entered the room from which the miraculous light proceeded from. It looked fairly empty. As my eyes started to distinguish more, I noticed the desk the candle was on, a bookshelf, an enchanting altar, and broken various items and decoration. This was a study, most definitely. I was fascinated by my situation, but said feeling fell small compared to my fear. The faintest of moans reached my hearing. A shadow revealed itself in human shape, with a sound of distress, or suffering. I approached in stupor and with reluctance, but quickly hesitated. Back then, still naively believing that I had seen everything in my life, I knew it could be dangerous.
If I had had them, I would have drawn my weapon or shield, in defensive stance. I did not even formally introduce myself; instead, I could only ask:
“Are you alright?”
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Pumpking
Wall of Flesh
He did that to me too.
Samrux
Santa Claus
<@ Page #12 @>
Their head turned, and was now facing my direction. The candle, now appearing to shine brighter as if it was sentient and decided to support me, revealed a sight that induced terror: Their head, their face, almost completely torn apart; the flesh dangling from the bone on the west side, and the socket of the right eye devoid of its host and instead coated in dark ooze. Their disfigured expression almost communicated that they were just as terrified as I. Upon a second look, the room's deteriorated bricked walls proved to be stained with blood all around. Astonished, I could do nothing but allow for more words to come out of my mouth.
“Are you able to speak?”
No answer, not even a sound to acknowledge my presence.
They seemed intrigued by my presence, but their eyes were as if lost. I felt confused. I felt concerned. This was a human being, I tried to convince myself, but this was beyond unnerving, and while painful, it was more frightening. The sight would have been imprinted on my memories forever, giving me nightmares, if I hadn't seen and realized what was to come thereafter.
Now I don't know what to-
Damnit. The voices are getting louder. I hope this is not it.I c'an’t.-
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Pumpking
Wall of Flesh
I love the end of that...
<@ Page #12 @>
Their head turned, and was now facing my direction. The candle, now appearing to shine brighter, revealed a sight that induced terror; their head, their face, torn apart. From the looks of things, their expression showed they were just as terrified as I. Upon a second look, the room's deteriorated bricked walls proved to be stained with blood all around. Astonished, I could do nothing but allow more words to come out of my mouth.
“Are you able to speak?”
No answer, not even an acknowledging sound.
They seemed intrigued by my presence, but their eyes were… lost. I felt confused. I felt concerned. This was a human being - I tried to convince myself. But this was frightening. This was painful. And I could feel my strength draining away. What I witnessed was beyond horrific.
Damnit. The voices are getting louder. I hope this is not it. I can’t write anymoreqe.
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As much as this surprised me I'd like to take an opportunity to critique. We know the Paladin has seen horrible things and continues to see them but we really need some variation there. I'd like to propose a change instead of "What I witnessed is horrific" have "The image of this bloodied gored human has been permanently fired into my thoughts with the rest of my demented memories." Just an idea of something you might be able to replace that with.
<@ Page #12 @>
Their head turned, and was now facing my direction. The candle, now appearing to shine brighter, revealed a sight that induced terror; their head, their face, torn apart. From the looks of things, their expression showed they were just as terrified as I. Upon a second look, the room's deteriorated bricked walls proved to be stained with blood all around. Astonished, I could do nothing but allow more words to come out of my mouth.
“Are you able to speak?”
No answer, not even an acknowledging sound.
They seemed intrigued by my presence, but their eyes were… lost. I felt confused. I felt concerned. This was a human being - I tried to convince myself. But this was frightening. This was painful. And I could feel my strength draining away. What I witnessed was beyond horrific.
Damnit. The voices are getting louder. I hope this is not it. I can’t write anymoreqe.
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iKirbyGaming
Golem
Have u noticed that Samuel has liked nearly every post in this forum? Lol
He has also kindly liked almost every single one of my threads. He's a cool dude.
Samrux
Santa Claus
Ah, I see I have lured you with my shiny signature buttons. I hope you enjoy the story.
iKirbyGaming
Golem
Yep. That looks cool. I think my signature isn't much of a signature.
Btw have you noticed that no one actually SIGNS their signature? Lolz
Samrux
Santa Claus
@darthmorf actually does.
But enough chatting. I hope there will be actual comments related to the story and its direction coming. I have been working with aWolfen and Pixel, revising the story to make it cleaner and nicer to read. They've helped a lot. Thanks guys!; The first 7 pages of the story are now re-published.
That means that if anyone reading this comment has any interest in re-reading the story; it's a good time to do so now.
But enough chatting. I hope there will be actual comments related to the story and its direction coming. I have been working with aWolfen and Pixel, revising the story to make it cleaner and nicer to read. They've helped a lot. Thanks guys!; The first 7 pages of the story are now re-published.
That means that if anyone reading this comment has any interest in re-reading the story; it's a good time to do so now.
iKirbyGaming
Golem
New one yay! Do you like this one?
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Also
I can also be of use if you need some further help, I'll try not be as strict with the grammar laws as I was previously. Darthmorf has text saying his name (Which can be considered a signing) but he hasn't physically signed it.
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