Story Tales of Terraria

Last chapter :v
"There. Talk to Elan and Fiona; they'll give you a choice. And if you're going to fight, then talk to Vi and the others, and join them." the Guide said.
Thalia nodded, surprised he didn't ignore her as usual, and ran off to find them.
Michael and Dan were already there--the latter saying, "We were just about to call you."
"So, this is the last time we meet." Fiona said. "I take it the Guide gave you this last choice?"
Thalia briefly told them what the Guide said, then, "Yes, he did."
"You have two options." Elan said.
"You permanently slay the Corruption, in all worlds--if you succeed and win the battle--or..." she trailed off.
"...You walk away and enjoy a peaceful life." he finished. "Think about it. In our world, we barely survived Hardmode as it is--no-one can defeat the Corruption. If you fail, you lose everything."
"Who's fighting with us?" Dan asked.
"Nine others have joined your world to fight." Fiona said. "But we couldn't last a
second--"
"This is anticlimatic, you know we're going to try," Thalia sighed. "So instead, do you have any advice?"
"The Corruption takes advantage of its victims. Don't listen to anything it says...no matter how terrifying it is." she said, biting her lip. "I'm serious, you can't do this. You're awakening the consciousness of the realm--"
"It has a consciousness?" Michael asked slowly. "But it's a virus."
"A virus that tries exploiting your weaknesses. It's ALIVE, and waking it up is suicide," Elan warned.
"But if it's that bad, it needs to be killed by someone." Dan said. He turned to the other two and asked, "Are you with me?"
Michael rested the Megashark against his shoulder and nodded at Thalia.
She nodded back, then said, "Yeah, we're gonna do it. Let's find Dawn and Dusk."
Fiona's frown deepened. "Good luck. I hope you're ready."
Elan repeated her "good luck", then they left, the Voice stating this.
"Come on. Let's go."

Dawn and Dusk had found Vi first, so of course the first thing they did was ask "What're you doing?"
"Wow, you guys are pleasant," he deadpanned. "The Guide sent us to your world. He said you might help us slay the Corruption."
"So it CAN be done?" Dusk asked.
He shrugged. "He told us there's some special way to awaken it. He said he'd tell us when we got here."
"And you believe him?"
He scoffed. "Hell no. But it's our closest shot, and I have to get home. My mom...she's waiting for me." he said quietly. "She's waiting, and she'll die if I don't get back in time to help her."
Dawn saw the blood again, and it felt as though ice ran down her spine. "I get it."
Dusk didn't question either of them further. "So that's it? That's your whole plan?"
"We can't make a plan, we have no idea what's going to happen."
"Pfft. Smart. So you have absolutely no idea."
"You have a better solution?"
"How about LEAVING IT ALONE? It's not that bad--"
"The Corruption is taking over our homes as we speak. It is really ****ing bad. If we can kill it, it'll stop destroying everything else, and the Guide'll take us from WHEREVER THIS IS, back to our homes. If that isn't worth fighting for, then I don't know what is." he retorted.
Dusk was sick of arguing with everyone about it, so he asked, "Where are the others?"
Vi glared at him, but he said, "They went to find you guys."

After a bit of running around, they found the other eight, then Thalia, Dan, and Michael caught up to them as well.
After telling them what happened with Elan and Fiona, Dusk said,
"This is a really bad idea. It'd be stupid to risk--"
Before he could even finish, he was interrupted by cries of "IT'S EVIL!" and "WE HAVE TO TRY!".
He was scowling again and he screamed, "SHUT UP!"
After they all quieted down, he said, "FINE. I clearly see that all of you want to go through with this. And that's great. I can see why. But--"
--He suddenly remembered his contract.
His contract with the Guide.
D O N O T H I N G .
He sighed. "Do what you want. It's selfish for me to get in your way, but I won't be fighting this time. ...If you lose, I'll find a way to help."
He turned around and left, heading for the Guide's house.
He hated this.
He really didn't think it should be killed, if they left it alone, maybe it'd stop killing them, too--
He sat down by the window and wanted it to be over.

Meanwhile, the others found the Guide.
"Did you make up your mind?"
"Yeah, we're fighting." Dawn announced with a nod. "They said you'll wake it up?"
"Yes. Are you ready now?"
She looked at the others. "...What form will it take?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Spoiler alert."
"For strategy purposes."
He stared at each one of them, one by one, before saying, slowly and clearly, "Human."
She nodded. "Hold on. We'll be back."
"Plan as long as you want. You know where to find me." he picked up another rabbit, then left them to talk.
"Okay, so we know it looks human and is manipulative. We need people who won't be affected by it to attack from the front. Xorathor, Damion, Odin, and Sam. Can you do that?"
"Not listening? Please. My jobs are always so easy." Sam said drearily, as though close to falling asleep.
"If it says anything, just remember that it's evil. Maybe even the creator of leeks...or raisins..." Odin pointed out.
Damion exclaimed, "IT'S GOING DOWN!"
"IT DESERVES TO DIE." Xorathor agreed grimly.
"Second, the rest of the melee fighters will back you up. That would be Dan, Leonidas, Olive, Vi, and I. If you can't take what it's saying, you have to fall back."
Leonidas nodded. "Shouldn't be a problem."
"Last, magic users and rangers: Michael, Thalia, Earnest, Jax. You four are probably the most important, as you'll be out of earshot. Make sure you have ammo and mana potions."
Jax spun his dual Hallowed repeaters and smirked at Michael. "Rematch? I bet you I can get more headshots again."
Michael lifted up the gun as an example and retorted, "I have a MEGASHARK. Do you really wanna go against this bullets per second rate?"
He shrugged. "It's on, kid."
"Oi, Earnest. Listen to Thalia, got it?" Olive said, ruffling his hair. "We're counting on all of you," she added, looking at the others.
"Do we need anything else?"
"Pancakes!" Xorathor shouted, before high-fiving Michael and being silenced by a glare from Damion.
They shook their heads, so they walked back to the Guide.
"We're ready."
"Wait by the clearing in the main Corruption, where Dawn's old house is." The nodded, then began the trek.

Once they got there, they waited.
"Circle formation?" Odin guessed.
"Mmhmm."
They counted the minutes that crawled by.
One.

The Guide walked back to his house and slammed the door shut.

Two.

He began casting the spell--removing the final, last seal, the only thing truly holding back the Corruption--

Three.

Dusk's skin seemed to be turning into ice--he was so, so cold and his lungs stopped working--
His vision turned black and he passed out.

The Last Seal is gone.

Dark purple magic began forming in wisps all around them, turning in circles and slowly coming together and condensing--into a torso shape, then legs and arms, and its arms shielded its neck until a head and face formed behind its hands, and it stretched out, leaning back at the unnatural angle of a human without a spine, as a young boy's voice laughed hysterically.
It covered its eerily purple glowing eyes and mouth, leaning forward and peeking out from behind its fingers, eye spheres darting everywhere.
Its form was looking clearer and clearer now, like an obsidian-mist form of Dusk.
The creature's unhumanly large grin only widened as its shoulder twitched violently--it giggled one last time and it's raspy child's voice echoed,
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh...I'm so glad you all came to see me~! I was so tiiiiiiiiiiiiiired...and so, so, SO loooooooooooonelyyyyyyyyy...but here you are...here to play with me... maybe give me a nice meal,"
It cackled harshly to itself at this, then said,
"For your information, you can start whenever you like. I'm in no rush~"
Xorathor growled and charged forwards--but the creature flicked a single finger, and the ground surged up to block him.
He quickly picked himself back up, and was joined by Damion.
The Corruption's arms relaxed, like they were just jelly held up by his shoulders.
The blades sliced through the air and the mist, over and over, but it kept reforming.
It giggled again. "Your weapons can't hurt me. Sticks and stones can't hurt my bones, and words can only hurt YOU!"
It allowed them to keep attacking, even as it yawned and stretched its arms above its head.
"Damion, fall back!" Odin shouted.
"The man is right--I bite," it said gleefully, snapping its jaws at him as an example, though it went right through him.
Damion turned ghost-white and stepped back, running to where Odin was.
The creature's form grew darer, further condensing.
"Aww, but I can't hurt you yet! Not my physical self, anyway. See~?"
It passed its arm through Xorathor, too, who fled as well.
It began shifting parts of the ground up and down, laughing and waving its hands around like a musical conductor.
"Ahh! I haven't laughed this hard in AGES! It'll be so much fun to DEVOUR EVERYTHING."
It began moving the land shifts to the ground they stood on.
Dawn fell and scrambled away to the other side.
It lifted a chunk of ground--Michael yelped as he slid off the side--it was smashed into a random area off to the right--he drank a potion for his leg--
Vi and Olive shielded their eyes from the spray of dirt.
The creature sighed. "You aren't trying yet! I'm so sad, I was hoping you'd fight more."
Its figure hardened into ebonstone as it examined its fingernails. "Aww, and I chipped a nail!" It sighed, adding, "So cliche. Only to be expected from a physical body."
It threw surface dirt and a shrub at them--Dawn and Xorathor had to dodge--and it flew its arms open, as though removing its own defenses.
"FIGHT. ME."
Xorathor, Damion, Odin, and Dawn sped forwards, the grass shredding underneath their boots, blades simply bouncing off of its shell.
Earnest and Thalia cast Crystal Storm, summoning thousands of crystals into a raining flurry above its head.
Several scratched it, and it fell to its knees, screaming, covering its face--
"NO, NOOO! NO, DON'T HURT ME, DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEEE...!!"
Dawn hesitated, but the others kept attacking.
She bit her lip hard and tightened her grip on Excalibur--
The creature stood back up, looking thoroughly pissed.
"You hurt me. You can't use magic."
She swung at the neck, but she slipped and Xorathor grabbed the blade to stop it from tearing through his shoulder--
"Sorry!"
"Why are you apologizing to HIM?!" it screeched. "SAY SORRY! SAY SORRY TO ME!"
She stabbed the chest and there was a tiny scratch--
"ILLEGAL!"
She stepped back--Odin slammed his blade into its shoulder--
"WHY AREN'T YOU IN JAIL?!"
She shut out its words--
"MURDERER!"
It was manipulating her, that's all--
"YOU BELONG IN HELL!"
Crystals rained over its head, heavy enough to bring another wave of scratches--
"SCUM! VIGILANTE! COWARD!"
Earnest screamed and cast the spell faster and faster and his mana was drained, but he drained a potion twice as fast to make up for it and he kept pushing himself harder--
Olive charged at its back, but no matter what she did, the chainsaw was just reflected back at her.
It giggled, an overly self-pleased expression appearing and twisting the imitation of Dusk's face. "That made you mad, didn't it~?"
It slid the ground around it away, creating a large chasm surrounding the tiny island where it stood.
Odin fell and Damion grabbed his wrist even though he was losing his balance--Xorathor pulled them both back.
"Sam fell to his death."
"One down...!" it crowed.
It beckoned them closer, the ground slamming together back in its original place.
Half of them fell--the other half relied on eachother for balance. The fighters guarded while Thalia and Earnest kept resummoning the crystals--
"You can't win by scratching me over and over," it spat. "Lame,"
The ground swallowed them up--muffled screams could be heard, but no death messages.
Olive ran forwards, but was swallowed as well with a wave of the Corruption's hand.
"Now. What was I saying?"
Odin and Damion nodded at eachother and charged, each swinging with full strength.
The creature fell.
"I TOLD YOU TO STOP HITTING MEEEEEEEE...!"
It shoved them, and they flew back until they hit the ground by Jax and Michael.
She looked closely and saw several more cracks, letting more bright purple shine through them.
"YOU CAN'T DO IT!" it howled. "YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T!"
She ran forward and began stabbing over and over--
"ABOMINATION!"
Odin, Damion, Xorathor, and a recently-revived Sam started attacking it again as well--
"LAB RATS!"
Damion howled and deepened the tiny gash in the dip between its neck and shoulder--
"I HATE YOU!"
It stabbed right through Damion's stomach with his bare hands--he disappeared--
"Damion has been slain"--
Odin glared at the creature with such icy intensity it froze in terror.
It asked calmly, its expression unchanging, "You didn't like that, did you? ...I think you want to join him."
It straightened its body, eyes still freakishly wide, as Odin slashed over and over at the same spot, making the cracks from the gash spiderweb across its chest.
"Oh, I see."
It grabbed Odin's bangs and split his head open over his knee--
"Odin has been slain"--
Dawn fell to the ground and covered her ears--
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO
N O
NOT THAT, NOT THE BLOOD--
Her shoulder was yanked back and someone was dragging her away, the sound of bullets fusing into one, continuous song--
The creature wailing as bullets assaulted its face--
"I'll cover you!" Michael exclaimed, Jax rejoining the fight as well.
Dawn shook her head-- Don't think of the blood don't think of the blood oh god no no no She ran forward and kept slamming her sword into the gash--she focused on every detail in the stone and not the blood, anything but that oh god--
The creature grabbed her throat and lifted her off the ground and she pulled at its fingers but it was too tight and Michael was screaming and all she could see was Dusk's face even though she knew it wasn't him and it whispered,
"I don't like you."
Her windpipe was crushed in the single movement of its thumb.

"Dawn was slain."

She woke up in the Guide's room to find him pacing and mumbling feverishly--
She ran past him, she had to get to the Nurse and GO--
In the corner of her eye, a slumped-over body.
She turned, it was Dusk, she stopped and NO, NONONO THIS COULDN'T BE HAPPENING, NOT HIM--
It couldn't be a coincidence that the monster stole his appearance--
She stumbled over the stairs and grabbed the Guide's shoulders and spun him around to face her and she growled, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO DUSK?!"
He stared down at her coldly.
"This is the price of freedom."
He paused.
"One life for many."
"WHAT IS GOING ON?!"
"You two are the first Terrarians, born into so many different versions that you've had your memories rewritten over and over, and unfortunately, as I found out, you are the reason Terraria is infected. Infected with the Corruption, and the Hallow. He carries the Soul of Corruption, he corrupted the last. Pure. Realm. And now the antibodies must destroy the virus."
"YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" she screamed, in a voice that wasn't even hers.
"So? They killed my fiancee. THEY DESERVE TO DIE." He said, so cold and dead that she didn't even have the strength to respond.
She swallowed. "Can we forfeit? Change it back, stop it...please," she added weakly.
"I won't."
"Would your fiancee appreciate you killing a fourteen year old when the real world is already dead?" she asked lowly.
His eyes and face molded into that of pure loathing.
"Don't tell ME...what SHE would want." he threatened, his voice shaking violently.
"There's no-one left to save, is there? IF IT MEANS KILLING A HUMAN LIFE, THIS FIGHT IT WORTHLESS!"
He didn't reply, he just glared and glared--
Then he finally spoke.
"I WILL SAVE EVERYONE. THE CORRUPTION WON'T KILL ANYONE ELSE--"
"So why kill someone in a reality where no-one dies?" she asked. "Stop it. PUT THE SEAL BACK."
He was still glaring, but she knew he was listening because after a second he grumbled, "I'll find a way."
He mumbled the spell and the room glowed purple with the sickening light and the runes the couldn't read, and then BAM--

The final flash of light.




The fight had ended a long time ago, but they'd left the ruins alone.
"So this is our lives now." Thalia murmured. "This is it. The real world...it's actually dead..."
"No more fighting, nothing to explore..." Dan trailed off. "What're we supposed to do?"
"Keep living." Michael realized. "Remember what Jax said? The sunset only arrives when you stop. You gotta keep going, and searching for that sunrise...or something like that."
"He's got a point," Dusk shrugged. "So are the others going to live here now, too?"
Dawn shrugged back. "I don't see why not. If we're gonna try having normal lives, we should at least try helping them, too,"
"Yeah, I agree." Thalia nodded. "...The sunset's really pretty today." she commented softly, shifting her arms to prop herself up.
"...When was the last time we stopped to look at something like that?" Dusk asked to himself. "It's weird."
"See, this is what we should be doing! Enjoying even the small parts of life," Thalia added.
"Like pancakes and waffles," Michael agreed.
Dusk gave him a small nod, then asked, "You're sure that the Incident won't happen again?"
"Nah, Scott said he'll only do it again if he finds a way to separate the Corruption from your soul first. Or something like that." Dawn said.
"Creepy."
"Pfft. Speak for yourself," she teased. "Hah...you know, in the end...I'm glad I'm back. I mean, I couldn't really miss you guys, because of--"
"Yeah, we get it," Thalia said, smiling. "It's fine, really. We're really glad you're back, too,"
She stood up and stretched her arms out. "Thanks, you guys. ...Should we go home?"
"Yeah, I've got some pranks around the houses," Michael grinned. "And Xorathor should be making pancakes about now."
"Michael!" Thalia exclaimed indignantly. "Don't tell people you're going to prank them, it ruins the surprise!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever...!" he laughed.
"Pfft, you goof. ...Let's go home."


THE END
The Corruption was so close to his house--he still kept seeing flashing images of his fiancee, dead, holding a rabbit plushie--Welcome, I'm the Guide--he kept furiously typing it, he had to finish it, he had to save everyone--smash pots to receive items--he kept teleporting people in--type in your name, who are you--revive the dead--he was burning, the Wall of Flesh is awake, WHY WOULD YOU BREAK THE FIRST SEAL--My name is Scott--five new players--he had to create the update, he had to finish, the Corruption was so close to his house--he opened the door to a zombie, his fiancee's voice echoed Scott was slain--why was she dead? Why couldn't he save more of her? No, no, NO--one new player--I am the Guide--revive the dead--who are you--revive the dead--heart crystals give life--type in the update, add more code--
He clicked the last button--the screeching of monsters echoed in his ears--
He teleported completely into the game.

Terraria was safe.

Their realm was safe.

NOTES/COMMENTS:
I actually really like the fight with the Corruption, but even though I've had these last three chapters planned out for one or two years(?) I'm not sure how I feel about the rest.
The side characters were supposed to appear more, so I'm not sure if this is a good ending or reappearance for them or not. I did realize how much I liked Damion and Odin's friendship, though. xD
Uhhhh and then what else. Oh yeah, I reread parts of the beginning of Chapter Sixteen and I realized Earnest really annoyed me :v Sorry if he annoyed you guys too.
If anything isn't clear, feel free to ask, since I don't think I included all the explanations I had planned out, because they seemed like it'd just clutter the story.
The glowing inside the Corruption's shell is its soul, by the way. If they had cracked the shell and destroyed the soul inside, then it would've died.
Anyway, I think that's it, I might add more later.

But yeah, I'm sorry for the terrible update schedule, and thank you to everyone who's read this, especially to those who have been reading it from the beginning or up to the ending ^^
You guys are the first readers I've ever had online, and I really appreciate it, so thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story.
 
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A good fight in the end. It seems a bit rushed, as you already said, but otherwise it's absolutely fine.
I liked the story quite a lot.
If you want to write more some time, you can freely use Odin for whatever stories you want to write. I'll be reading them if you inform me about it. :p
 
A good fight in the end. It seems a bit rushed, as you already said, but otherwise it's absolutely fine.
Out of curiosity, which parts seemed rushed? Or was it in general?
I liked the story quite a lot.
If you want to write more some time, you can freely use Odin for whatever stories you want to write. I'll be reading them if you inform me about it. :p
Thank you! I like writing Odin's character, but I probably won't write any more stories based on Terraria, so idk. I have an idea of a story where he could appear as an NPC-type character, though xD
 
Out of curiosity, which parts seemed rushed? Or was it in general?
In my opinion mostly the final battle. While it was nice to read overall, it seemed a bit hasty. Still a good climax though.

Thank you! I like writing Odin's character, but I probably won't write any more stories based on Terraria, so idk. I have an idea of a story where he could appear as an NPC-type character, though xD
Permission to use him in whatever stories you want to write in the future on granted. :D
 
In my opinion mostly the final battle. While it was nice to read overall, it seemed a bit hasty. Still a good climax though.
Really? Huh. Well I'm still not very good at writing fight scenes, so I might've misinterpreted fast pacing for being rushed. xD And I didn't like the confrontation between Dawn and the Guide either, I think it could've been better.
Permission to use him in whatever stories you want to write in the future on granted. :D
thanks ^^ I'll tell you if I ever use his character then
 
THIS COMMENT CONTAINS LOTS OF SPOILERS

Just finished the new chapters, (Actually all of them-I was a bit bored XD) and I found them a little confusing. I know it's supposed to be cryptic, at least a little, but I couldn't really make much sense of the last bit. From when Dusk starts remembering, the story kind of takes a turn to the confusing. Or maybe I just don't get it. But the very last part about the seal and the epilogue seriously made very little sense. Dusk is corrupt, his soul is corruption, and they all end up staying in Terraria forever? And the randomly the guide Doctor guy is being insane and typing stuff in and saving everything by putting himself in the game? And something kinda creepy about his about dead people. Anyway, that's just my first impression, maybe I just need to think about it. But especially the fight with the corruption needs a little more clarification . Consider revising the last chapter. I recommend giving each character or group kind of a time to shine, using their own talents against the adversary. But all in all, not bad of a conclusion to the story. Truth be told, I think I liked the story as it started, kind of a comedy adventure style story, before it took a turn to the darker side. But that's my personal opinion.
And that was my really long feedback. Enjoy.
 
THIS COMMENT CONTAINS LOTS OF SPOILERS

Just finished the new chapters, (Actually all of them-I was a bit bored XD) and I found them a little confusing. I know it's supposed to be cryptic, at least a little, but I couldn't really make much sense of the last bit. From when Dusk starts remembering, the story kind of takes a turn to the confusing. Or maybe I just don't get it. But the very last part about the seal and the epilogue seriously made very little sense. Dusk is corrupt, his soul is corruption, and they all end up staying in Terraria forever? And the randomly the guide Doctor guy is being insane and typing stuff in and saving everything by putting himself in the game? And something kinda creepy about his about dead people. Anyway, that's just my first impression, maybe I just need to think about it. But especially the fight with the corruption needs a little more clarification . Consider revising the last chapter. I recommend giving each character or group kind of a time to shine, using their own talents against the adversary. But all in all, not bad of a conclusion to the story. Truth be told, I think I liked the story as it started, kind of a comedy adventure style story, before it took a turn to the darker side. But that's my personal opinion.
And that was my really long feedback. Enjoy.
RESPONSE ALSO CONTAINS SPOILERS, idk if that needs to be said but I'll say it anyway to be sure.
EDIT: Apparently this is me explaining what happened with the story and the choices I made, it's not an exact response like I'd planned? It's just an explanation of wtf happened, both in the actual story and writing it. //EDIT
I wrote it all in one day like I said, I suddenly got the inspiration to finish it and I did, even though I thought it was pretty rushed.
Thing is, I'd come up with a lot of these plots beforehand (almost two years ago probably by now) but the thing is there was supposed to be a lot more information spread across more chapters.
However, I didn't know what would've actually gone on, so I thought they would've just been exposition chapters and I thought that would've just made the story more drawn out and harder to finish.
So maybe this is the part where I accidentally went for speed vs. quality ((I'd say quantity, but this was in an effort to make it more simple, so it's shorter)).
Thing is about the Corruption is that I knew Dusk and Dawn were going to have the souls of Corruption and Hallow, but I had no idea what that would do to the story or what the Corruption even was.
I kept looking at different ideas, but then I thought of the tree in the Terraria logo and I decided the Corruption was basically another realm, as was the Hallow/Crimson/our world (explaining the fourth wall references), etc, all joined by Yggdrasil (the world tree in Norse mythology, connects the realms).
The seal was about the seals the Guide has created: First the Wall of Flesh, then apparently the last seal preventing the Corruption and Hallow from awakening (there's an individual seal on each soul, unlike the WoF though).
The thing with the Doctor/Guide is that he's actually still in the Old World at the same time that his consciousness is split amongst all of the Guide NPCs.
He's still finishing programming the game before he can finish it as its own realm; basically saving the computer realm from being destroyed by the Corruption in the real world. Thing with his fiancee is that she died and all he could do was save her voice. It was basically my lame way of explaining the Voice and death messages? Idk.
Thing is with this story is that it's actually really really old.
The original, kinda-cheesy-comedy was froooooom...2011? Yeah. 2011 or early 2012.
So then when I began putting it on the site and turning it from a comic to written form, I started trying to give the story more depth and I came up with (what I now think are) a bunch of bad plotlines.
Then when I tried making the story more complex, it was torn between what I thought was too cheesy, and what I thought would've been a better story at the time.
Dusk randomly happened when I thought about adding another character, and that's when I tried writing about the Old World more and figure out what was going on with the Corruption.
He was actually planned out way before he actually appeared in the story.
The problem with all of this is, I didn't know how to write this very well and I honestly didn't think the adventure style thing would work since I thought describing them exploring everything was kind of boring.
But then I started setting everything up for what I thought were all the plot twists, and I realized they weren't as good as I'd thought, but I had no alternative ideas or solutions, so I decided to stick with my old plans anyway.
This whole project has been kind of a mess I guess since I kept struggling with a lack of ideas or motivation, and then trying to work with Younger!Me's bad ideas.
And then I'm really sorry it is so rushed, it's just that I haven't been able to write the story but I really didn't want to give up, so it wound up like this.
I just don't know how to fix the story, and I don't plan on rewriting it either (though if I have any ideas for it, I might rewrite the last chapter with you guys' advice in mind).
Thank you for the feedback, and again I apologize that it's so confusing. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm making excuses as well.
 
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Technically yeah I guess it is my first fanfic. It's the only fanfic I've ever put online though.
567770-strongmad.png

THAT'S REDUNDANT!!!!

Sorry, I just couldn't pass that up. ~:D
 
Hm. Well, I hope to see more than. Perhaps with a little more story consistency.
I dont have any fanfics I plan on putting online, but if I do (or if I eventually publish a book, once my writing skills improve) then I'll try to post and tell you guys. Thank you for the advice, I'll try to keep it in mind :)
 
awesome in every way except...

your summoning The Wall of Text to much please try to defeat it


:)
Whoa there are still people who read this??
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, but what do you mean by the Wall of Text? Is the story itself too long, are the chapters too long, am I too verbose...? :00 I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
 
Whoa there are still people who read this??
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, but what do you mean by the Wall of Text? Is the story itself too long, are the chapters too long, am I too verbose...? :00 I'm not entirely sure what you mean.
It's still a good story, even if you are a little wordy at times.
 
It's still a good story, even if you are a little wordy at times.
FRICKLE FRACK PEOPLE ARE STILL HERE I AM THE SURPRISE
Thank you as well! I wasn't offended at all actually, I was just curious cause I like critique. :v
And ye that would make sense, I do tend to ramble. I was hoping it'd come off more artistically in my writing though? I know I rambled on purpose during fight scenes, that may be part of it as well. I believe someone mentioned that about the final battle, actually
 
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