Grand Paladin Tyrux
Empress of Light
Inspired by some recent posts, I decided to put all the NPCs (Minus the Old Man and Santa Claus) into a Hunger Games simulator to see who would win. Hilarity ensues. Also I put The Terrarian (aka the Player) in there, because why not?
THE BLOODBATH (Disclaimer: No actual death and/or blood)
As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.
Skeleton Merchant runs away from the Cornucopia.
Cyborg snatches a pair of sais.
Dye Trader runs away from the Cornucopia.
Traveling Merchant runs into the cornucopia and hides.
Pirate runs away from the Cornucopia.
Truffle runs away from the Cornucopia.
Party Girl retrieves a trident from inside the cornucopia.
Tax Collector, Arms Dealer, Demolitionist, and Witch Docter share everything they gathered before running.
Nurse runs away from the Cornucopia.
Angler breaks Clothier's nose for a basket of bread.
Steampunker grabs a jar of fishing bait while Merchant gets fishing gear.
Painter finds a bag full of explosives.
Wizard runs away from the Cornucopia.
Stylist runs away from the Cornucopia.
The Terrarian runs away from the Cornucopia.
Dryad runs away from the Cornucopia.
Guide and Mechanic fight for a bag. Mechanic gives up and retreats.
Goblin Tinkerer takes a handful of throwing knives.
DAY 1:
Demolitionist tries to spear fish with a trident.
Party Girl injures herself.
Pirate stabs Steampunker in the back with a trident.
Tax Collector stalks Mechanic.
Skeleton Merchant tries to spear fish with a trident.
Wizard attempts to climb a tree, but falls on Clothier, killing them both.
Nurse injures herself.
Painter searches for firewood.
Dryad attempts to climb a tree, but falls to her death.
Goblin Tinkerer diverts Angler's attention and runs away.
The Terrarian travels to higher ground.
Merchant stalks Dye Trader.
Witch Docter picks flowers.
Cyborg is unable to convince Truffle to not kill him.
Guide diverts Stylist's attention and runs away.
Traveling Merchant bashes Arms Dealer's head in with a mace.
NIGHT 1:
Skeleton Merchant lets Goblin Tinkerer into his shelter.
Witch Docter, Dye Trader, and Angler cheerfully sing songs together.
Nurse and Truffle hold hands.
Tax Collector and Party Girl huddle for warmth.
Guide, Traveling Merchant, and Stylist get into a fight. Stylist triumphantly kills them both.
The Terrarian screams for help.
Demolitionist and Painter hold hands.
Mechanic looks at the night sky.
Merchant and Pirate tell stories about themselves to each other.
DAY 2:
Painter hunts for other tributes.
Skeleton Merchant diverts Merchant's attention and runs away.
Nurse fishes.
Pirate is pricked by thorns while picking berries.
Angler tends to Tax Collector's wounds.
Mechanic, The Terrarian, and Demolitionist get into a fight. The Terrarian triumphantly kills them both.
Party Girl questions her sanity.
Stylist practices her archery.
Goblin Tinkerer constructs a shack.
Truffle fishes.
Witch Docter poisons Dye Trader's drink, but mistakes it for his own and dies.
ARENA EVENT:
Monkey mutts fill the arena.
Party Girl injures Tax Collector and leaves him for the monkey mutts.
While running, Stylist falls over and grabs Goblin Tinkerer on the way down. The monkey mutts kill them.
Nurse survives.
Dye Trader survives.
Painter dies from internal bleeding caused by a monkey mutt.
Truffle survives.
While running, Skeleton Merchant falls over and grabs The Terrarian on the way down. The monkey mutts kill them.
Angler uses Pirate as a shield from the monkey mutts.
Merchant survives.
NIGHT 2:
Party Girl receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.
Angler and Dye Trader huddle for warmth.
Nurse and Truffle sleep in shifts.
Merchant loses sight of where he is.
THE FEAST: (Where nobody actually feasts)
The cornucopia is replenished with food, supplies, weapons, and memoirs from the tributes' families.
Angler decides not to go to The Feast.
Dye Trader decides not to go to The Feast.
Truffle decides not to go to The Feast.
Merchant decides not to go to The Feast.
Nurse decides not to go to The Feast.
Party Girl decides not to go to The Feast.
DAY 3:
Truffle tries to spear fish with a trident.
Nurse begs for Angler to kill her. He refuses, keeping Nurse alive.
Dye Trader cannot handle the circumstances and commits suicide.
Merchant makes a wooden spear.
Party Girl collects fruit from a tree.
NIGHT 3:
Party Girl sets up camp for the night.
Nurse, Angler, and Merchant sleep in shifts.
Truffle quietly hums.
DAY 4:
Party Girl travels to higher ground.
Angler sprains his ankle while running away from Truffle.
Merchant spears Nurse in the abdomen.
NIGHT 4:
Angler lets Merchant into his shelter.
Truffle sets Party Girl on fire with a molotov.
DAY 5:
Angler sets Merchant on fire with a molotov.
Truffle accidently steps on a landmine.
THE WINNER:
The winner is Angler from District 6!
I guess we all should've expected this from, well, him
THE BLOODBATH (Disclaimer: No actual death and/or blood)
As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds.
Skeleton Merchant runs away from the Cornucopia.
Cyborg snatches a pair of sais.
Dye Trader runs away from the Cornucopia.
Traveling Merchant runs into the cornucopia and hides.
Pirate runs away from the Cornucopia.
Truffle runs away from the Cornucopia.
Party Girl retrieves a trident from inside the cornucopia.
Tax Collector, Arms Dealer, Demolitionist, and Witch Docter share everything they gathered before running.
Nurse runs away from the Cornucopia.
Angler breaks Clothier's nose for a basket of bread.
Steampunker grabs a jar of fishing bait while Merchant gets fishing gear.
Painter finds a bag full of explosives.
Wizard runs away from the Cornucopia.
Stylist runs away from the Cornucopia.
The Terrarian runs away from the Cornucopia.
Dryad runs away from the Cornucopia.
Guide and Mechanic fight for a bag. Mechanic gives up and retreats.
Goblin Tinkerer takes a handful of throwing knives.
DAY 1:
Demolitionist tries to spear fish with a trident.
Party Girl injures herself.
Pirate stabs Steampunker in the back with a trident.
Tax Collector stalks Mechanic.
Skeleton Merchant tries to spear fish with a trident.
Wizard attempts to climb a tree, but falls on Clothier, killing them both.
Nurse injures herself.
Painter searches for firewood.
Dryad attempts to climb a tree, but falls to her death.
Goblin Tinkerer diverts Angler's attention and runs away.
The Terrarian travels to higher ground.
Merchant stalks Dye Trader.
Witch Docter picks flowers.
Cyborg is unable to convince Truffle to not kill him.
Guide diverts Stylist's attention and runs away.
Traveling Merchant bashes Arms Dealer's head in with a mace.
NIGHT 1:
Skeleton Merchant lets Goblin Tinkerer into his shelter.
Witch Docter, Dye Trader, and Angler cheerfully sing songs together.
Nurse and Truffle hold hands.
Tax Collector and Party Girl huddle for warmth.
Guide, Traveling Merchant, and Stylist get into a fight. Stylist triumphantly kills them both.
The Terrarian screams for help.
Demolitionist and Painter hold hands.
Mechanic looks at the night sky.
Merchant and Pirate tell stories about themselves to each other.
DAY 2:
Painter hunts for other tributes.
Skeleton Merchant diverts Merchant's attention and runs away.
Nurse fishes.
Pirate is pricked by thorns while picking berries.
Angler tends to Tax Collector's wounds.
Mechanic, The Terrarian, and Demolitionist get into a fight. The Terrarian triumphantly kills them both.
Party Girl questions her sanity.
Stylist practices her archery.
Goblin Tinkerer constructs a shack.
Truffle fishes.
Witch Docter poisons Dye Trader's drink, but mistakes it for his own and dies.
ARENA EVENT:
Monkey mutts fill the arena.
Party Girl injures Tax Collector and leaves him for the monkey mutts.
While running, Stylist falls over and grabs Goblin Tinkerer on the way down. The monkey mutts kill them.
Nurse survives.
Dye Trader survives.
Painter dies from internal bleeding caused by a monkey mutt.
Truffle survives.
While running, Skeleton Merchant falls over and grabs The Terrarian on the way down. The monkey mutts kill them.
Angler uses Pirate as a shield from the monkey mutts.
Merchant survives.
NIGHT 2:
Party Girl receives clean water from an unknown sponsor.
Angler and Dye Trader huddle for warmth.
Nurse and Truffle sleep in shifts.
Merchant loses sight of where he is.
THE FEAST: (Where nobody actually feasts)
The cornucopia is replenished with food, supplies, weapons, and memoirs from the tributes' families.
Angler decides not to go to The Feast.
Dye Trader decides not to go to The Feast.
Truffle decides not to go to The Feast.
Merchant decides not to go to The Feast.
Nurse decides not to go to The Feast.
Party Girl decides not to go to The Feast.
DAY 3:
Truffle tries to spear fish with a trident.
Nurse begs for Angler to kill her. He refuses, keeping Nurse alive.
Dye Trader cannot handle the circumstances and commits suicide.
Merchant makes a wooden spear.
Party Girl collects fruit from a tree.
NIGHT 3:
Party Girl sets up camp for the night.
Nurse, Angler, and Merchant sleep in shifts.
Truffle quietly hums.
DAY 4:
Party Girl travels to higher ground.
Angler sprains his ankle while running away from Truffle.
Merchant spears Nurse in the abdomen.
NIGHT 4:
Angler lets Merchant into his shelter.
Truffle sets Party Girl on fire with a molotov.
DAY 5:
Angler sets Merchant on fire with a molotov.
Truffle accidently steps on a landmine.
THE WINNER:
The winner is Angler from District 6!
I guess we all should've expected this from, well, him
