Dusty Sinclair
Headless Horseman
"The Grass is Greener on This Side," by Yaster Goodman
Cast (In order of appearance):
Act I, Scene I
The lights go on. The curtain rises. The setting is the dining room of the main house. AMY kneels beside an open wall, stringing wires. LUCA enters left. AMY is noticeably perturbed, but does not acknowledge his presence.
LUCA: (Cordially) Good evening, Amelia my dear.
AMY raises her shoulders and turns closer to the wall.
LUCA: The cold shoulder? Oh, you wound me!
LUCA bends down and leans in close to AMY.
LUCA: Come on, my darling. Don't be so cold to your admirer.
AMY: (Still facing the wall) I don't appreciate the way you're looking at me. I am working right now.
LUCA: (Standing up) There's that beautiful voice of yours!
AMY reaches her leg out and kicks LUCA'S feet out from under him.
LUCA: (Smiling) Resorting to violence? A foul temper for such a delicate flower. But, every rose has its thorn, as they say.
AMY: Delicate flower my
. Get out. (Pointing to a toolbox) Oh, but first grab me those hammer and nails.
LUCA: As you wish, my love.
LUCA hands AMY the tools and exits left. AMY looks at him disdainfully. She shudders.
AMY: I think I'll have to talk to the Landlord about him.
Act I, Scene II
The setting is the same as Scene I. AMY begins to hammer a nail. CLAIRE enters with two mugs of ale. She offers one to AMY.
CLAIRE: Need a drink?
AMY: (Taking a mug) How'd you know?
CLAIRE: Everyone needs a drink when Luca's around.
AMY and CLAIRE sit cross-legged against the wall. They each take a swig.
AMY: Hey, should you really be drinking on the job?
CLAIRE: I make my own hours. And it's not like you're any better.
AMY: My job isn't a matter of life and death.
CLAIRE: Ah, nobody gets hurt around here anymore. (She drinks) Hey, has Darius mentioned needing to go to the doctor for any reason?
AMY: (Confused) Uh... no?
CLAIRE: (Abruptly) Just wondering.
AMY: (Rolling eyes) The only thing he ever talks to me about is "pressing my pressure plate."
CLAIRE: (Sighing) Yeah, that sounds about right.
There is an explosion offstage. AMY and CLAIRE jump to their feet. AMY drops her ale. SCOTT enters left.
SCOTT: Sorry to interrupt your girl talk, Claire, but you're needed.
CLAIRE: Goddammit, what happened?
OTEN: (Yelling offstage) What the hell did I say about smoking?! What did I say?!
CLAIRE: (To herself) Goddammit. (Yelling) Is everyone alright?
DARIUS: (Yelling offstage) Yeah, we're good! Oten's just missing a couple fingers! No rush!
OTEN: (Yelling offstage) How about I blow off your fingers, see how you like that?
CLAIRE and SCOTT exit left. AMY leans back against the wall, too tired to care.
CHERRY: (Screaming offstage, horrified) Oh my God, there's so much blood! It's getting all over the balloons!
DARIUS: (Offstage) This isn't a party, you dumb sl—
CLAIRE: (Offstage, interrupting DARIUS) Now, now, everybody, calm down. (Sternly) Oten, quit being such a baby! I've seen worse. (Showing genuine concern) And Darius, you really should quit smoking anyway. It's not good for you.
The voices offstage fade to silence. AMY slumps to the floor.
AMY: (Sighing) Maybe I oughta just move.
Blackout.
Act I, Scene III
The lights go up. The setting is the bar. LUCA sits next to DARIUS. Each has a mug of ale.
DARIUS: You look troubled, friend. (Leans close to LUCA) Is it a woman?
LUCA: You might say that.
DARIUS: I see. Wanna tell me who it is?
LUCA: I have a lot to say, if you'll lend me your ear.
DARIUS: Uh, yeah... sure. Just make it quick. (Smiling) I've got a date with Claire in an hour.
LUCA: (Giving Darius an angry look) Did you add that last part to make me upset?
DARIUS: Well, it depends... (Smugly) Are you upset?
LUCA jerks his mug to the side, spilling some of his ale on DARIUS.
LUCA: (Angrily) Hold your tongue, you taint.
DARIUS puts his hand on the pistol in his pocket. He contemplates for a few moments, then relaxes.
DARIUS: (Angrily, under his breath) Not worth it.
LUCA: What did you just say?
DARIUS: Nothing. Just get on with your goddamn story.
LUCA: (Sadly, leaning back) I am in love with a beautiful woman, but she hates me. Every day, I—
DARIUS: (Interrupting LUCA) Yeah, everyone knows that. You're not very subtle, you know. I've seen you telling her all about it. And following her around. And secretly cutting off locks of her hair. And sneaking into her bedr—
LUCA instinctively covers DARIUS' mouth with his hand.
LUCA: (Angrily) Quiet, fool! Someone will here you!
DARIUS pushes LUCA'S hand away.
DARIUS: It's not like it'd be a surprise. You're creepy, dude. If I was Amy, I'd sleep with a gun under my pillow. I mean, I already do, but... well, you know what I mean.
LUCA: (Offended) I am not dangerous! I am simply devoted. Amelia is the light of my life. Have you not seen her? Those crystal blue eyes... the curves of a goddess... that hair, like... like... Autumn...
DARIUS: You know, I can say all of that in one word—sexy. It's short, sweet, and you don't sound so pretentious. Maybe she doesn't like you because you talk like the Douchebag from Outer Space.
LUCA: I am a poet.
DARIUS: And you know what I find infinitely more poetic than words trying to describe hot babes?
LUCA: What is that?
DARIUS: Hot babes.
LUCA: This was a waste of my time. I see now that you will be of no help. You have no respect for me, my plight, or my art. How I could have thought for a minute that a degenerate like yourself could provide any sort of catharsis.
LUCA exits right. AMY enters shortly after.
DARIUS: Well, speak of the devil!
AMY: (Tired) Hi, Darius.
AMY sits on a bar stool.
AMY: So, how's life?
DARIUS: Real sorry, Amy, can't talk right now. (Looking over his shoulder) But before I go, take this. Free of charge. Keep it under your pillow.
DARIUS discreetly hands AMY a derringer. DARIUS exits left. AMY stares at the pistol in confusion. Blackout.
Act I, Scene IV
The lights go on. The setting is LUCA's apartment. LUCA is standing behind an easel, painting. The picture is not visible to the audience.
LUCA: (Sadly) My dear Amelia, why do you not love me? What must I do? Must I cut off my ear to show you that I am truly devoted to you?
LUCA makes a fast, angry stroke across the canvas with his brush. Paint splatters on the floor.
LUCA: No, it's alright. It matters not. The more you beat me, the more I will love you. Use me as your spaniel! (Becoming angry) Spurn me! Strike me! Neglect me!
With each word, LUCA makes another angry stroke with the brush. Paint splatters in all directions.
LUCA: (Angrily) Amelia, my love! If I may not feel your soft petals, I will have your thorns! They are but a gentle breeze in the face of my undying devotion! (Frantic, deranged) Amelia! Amelia! Not a day or night passes that my heart does not ache for you! Why do you not share my passion?
LUCA violently kicks over the easel and falls to his knees.
LUCA: (In a loud, enraged scream) Amelia!
DARIUS: (Yelling, offstage) Shut up, douchebag! I'm trying to sleep!
Blackout.
NOTE: This play is not yet complete, hence the "WIP" tag. Please bear with me, won't you? I'm a slow writer.
Hello, TCF. This is a stage play that I wrote about Terraria because I felt like writing a play about Terraria. And I'm bored. It'll never make it to a stage, I know. That's not the point. Writing it was fun and I'm hoping you'll enjoy it, too. Now, read it and do your best to imagine it happening onstage.
God, I'm gonna look back at this in a few years and cringe, aren't I?
God, I'm gonna look back at this in a few years and cringe, aren't I?
Cast (In order of appearance):
- Amy, the Mechanic
- Luca, the Painter
- Claire, the Nurse
- Scott, the Guide
- Oten, the Demolitionist
- Darius, the Arms Dealer
- Cherry, the Party Girl
Act I, Scene I
The lights go on. The curtain rises. The setting is the dining room of the main house. AMY kneels beside an open wall, stringing wires. LUCA enters left. AMY is noticeably perturbed, but does not acknowledge his presence.
LUCA: (Cordially) Good evening, Amelia my dear.
AMY raises her shoulders and turns closer to the wall.
LUCA: The cold shoulder? Oh, you wound me!
LUCA bends down and leans in close to AMY.
LUCA: Come on, my darling. Don't be so cold to your admirer.
AMY: (Still facing the wall) I don't appreciate the way you're looking at me. I am working right now.
LUCA: (Standing up) There's that beautiful voice of yours!
AMY reaches her leg out and kicks LUCA'S feet out from under him.
LUCA: (Smiling) Resorting to violence? A foul temper for such a delicate flower. But, every rose has its thorn, as they say.
AMY: Delicate flower my
. Get out. (Pointing to a toolbox) Oh, but first grab me those hammer and nails.LUCA: As you wish, my love.
LUCA hands AMY the tools and exits left. AMY looks at him disdainfully. She shudders.
AMY: I think I'll have to talk to the Landlord about him.
Act I, Scene II
The setting is the same as Scene I. AMY begins to hammer a nail. CLAIRE enters with two mugs of ale. She offers one to AMY.
CLAIRE: Need a drink?
AMY: (Taking a mug) How'd you know?
CLAIRE: Everyone needs a drink when Luca's around.
AMY and CLAIRE sit cross-legged against the wall. They each take a swig.
AMY: Hey, should you really be drinking on the job?
CLAIRE: I make my own hours. And it's not like you're any better.
AMY: My job isn't a matter of life and death.
CLAIRE: Ah, nobody gets hurt around here anymore. (She drinks) Hey, has Darius mentioned needing to go to the doctor for any reason?
AMY: (Confused) Uh... no?
CLAIRE: (Abruptly) Just wondering.
AMY: (Rolling eyes) The only thing he ever talks to me about is "pressing my pressure plate."
CLAIRE: (Sighing) Yeah, that sounds about right.
There is an explosion offstage. AMY and CLAIRE jump to their feet. AMY drops her ale. SCOTT enters left.
SCOTT: Sorry to interrupt your girl talk, Claire, but you're needed.
CLAIRE: Goddammit, what happened?
OTEN: (Yelling offstage) What the hell did I say about smoking?! What did I say?!
CLAIRE: (To herself) Goddammit. (Yelling) Is everyone alright?
DARIUS: (Yelling offstage) Yeah, we're good! Oten's just missing a couple fingers! No rush!
OTEN: (Yelling offstage) How about I blow off your fingers, see how you like that?
CLAIRE and SCOTT exit left. AMY leans back against the wall, too tired to care.
CHERRY: (Screaming offstage, horrified) Oh my God, there's so much blood! It's getting all over the balloons!
DARIUS: (Offstage) This isn't a party, you dumb sl—
CLAIRE: (Offstage, interrupting DARIUS) Now, now, everybody, calm down. (Sternly) Oten, quit being such a baby! I've seen worse. (Showing genuine concern) And Darius, you really should quit smoking anyway. It's not good for you.
The voices offstage fade to silence. AMY slumps to the floor.
AMY: (Sighing) Maybe I oughta just move.
Blackout.
Act I, Scene III
The lights go up. The setting is the bar. LUCA sits next to DARIUS. Each has a mug of ale.
DARIUS: You look troubled, friend. (Leans close to LUCA) Is it a woman?
LUCA: You might say that.
DARIUS: I see. Wanna tell me who it is?
LUCA: I have a lot to say, if you'll lend me your ear.
DARIUS: Uh, yeah... sure. Just make it quick. (Smiling) I've got a date with Claire in an hour.
LUCA: (Giving Darius an angry look) Did you add that last part to make me upset?
DARIUS: Well, it depends... (Smugly) Are you upset?
LUCA jerks his mug to the side, spilling some of his ale on DARIUS.
LUCA: (Angrily) Hold your tongue, you taint.
DARIUS puts his hand on the pistol in his pocket. He contemplates for a few moments, then relaxes.
DARIUS: (Angrily, under his breath) Not worth it.
LUCA: What did you just say?
DARIUS: Nothing. Just get on with your goddamn story.
LUCA: (Sadly, leaning back) I am in love with a beautiful woman, but she hates me. Every day, I—
DARIUS: (Interrupting LUCA) Yeah, everyone knows that. You're not very subtle, you know. I've seen you telling her all about it. And following her around. And secretly cutting off locks of her hair. And sneaking into her bedr—
LUCA instinctively covers DARIUS' mouth with his hand.
LUCA: (Angrily) Quiet, fool! Someone will here you!
DARIUS pushes LUCA'S hand away.
DARIUS: It's not like it'd be a surprise. You're creepy, dude. If I was Amy, I'd sleep with a gun under my pillow. I mean, I already do, but... well, you know what I mean.
LUCA: (Offended) I am not dangerous! I am simply devoted. Amelia is the light of my life. Have you not seen her? Those crystal blue eyes... the curves of a goddess... that hair, like... like... Autumn...
DARIUS: You know, I can say all of that in one word—sexy. It's short, sweet, and you don't sound so pretentious. Maybe she doesn't like you because you talk like the Douchebag from Outer Space.
LUCA: I am a poet.
DARIUS: And you know what I find infinitely more poetic than words trying to describe hot babes?
LUCA: What is that?
DARIUS: Hot babes.
LUCA: This was a waste of my time. I see now that you will be of no help. You have no respect for me, my plight, or my art. How I could have thought for a minute that a degenerate like yourself could provide any sort of catharsis.
LUCA exits right. AMY enters shortly after.
DARIUS: Well, speak of the devil!
AMY: (Tired) Hi, Darius.
AMY sits on a bar stool.
AMY: So, how's life?
DARIUS: Real sorry, Amy, can't talk right now. (Looking over his shoulder) But before I go, take this. Free of charge. Keep it under your pillow.
DARIUS discreetly hands AMY a derringer. DARIUS exits left. AMY stares at the pistol in confusion. Blackout.
Act I, Scene IV
The lights go on. The setting is LUCA's apartment. LUCA is standing behind an easel, painting. The picture is not visible to the audience.
LUCA: (Sadly) My dear Amelia, why do you not love me? What must I do? Must I cut off my ear to show you that I am truly devoted to you?
LUCA makes a fast, angry stroke across the canvas with his brush. Paint splatters on the floor.
LUCA: No, it's alright. It matters not. The more you beat me, the more I will love you. Use me as your spaniel! (Becoming angry) Spurn me! Strike me! Neglect me!
With each word, LUCA makes another angry stroke with the brush. Paint splatters in all directions.
LUCA: (Angrily) Amelia, my love! If I may not feel your soft petals, I will have your thorns! They are but a gentle breeze in the face of my undying devotion! (Frantic, deranged) Amelia! Amelia! Not a day or night passes that my heart does not ache for you! Why do you not share my passion?
LUCA violently kicks over the easel and falls to his knees.
LUCA: (In a loud, enraged scream) Amelia!
DARIUS: (Yelling, offstage) Shut up, douchebag! I'm trying to sleep!
Blackout.
NOTE: This play is not yet complete, hence the "WIP" tag. Please bear with me, won't you? I'm a slow writer.
