The Land of the Dead (Text Adventure)

Phaedra tips his hat down, slumps Magnus over his shoulder, takes Dollie's hand, and...
Garrun catches Phaedra's eye and Phaedra stops dead in his tracks.
"That man is a Disciple of Ga’Shieg."
Phaedra is dumbfounded.
"He's volunteering."
Phaedra leans down and comes face-to-face with Dollie.
"Have you ever seen a Disciple? They are masters of patience, and their fighting reflects it. I spent a year in their monastery when I was alive. If there's a Disciple joining Asmodeus's army, god knows you wouldn't want to be on the other side."
Phaedra's eyes open a bit more and he looks right at Dollie.
"If you're gonna go through this world with me, it would be smart to have that guy on our side. What do you think? Wanna join him?"
 
I am extremely bored, maybe because of the stuff I just can't necessarily understand. So I'll think I'll just join this TA without further ado or boring you all.


Grigor (Halt)
Starting HP: 325
Race: Zombie
DT: 50
EC: 0
Cause of Death: Has been shot by Molotov (that's a name of person, silly) when his safehouse in Russia has been burst through, and he refused to go in jail, getting into the brawl with the other people there.
Backstory: While he had been the wanted criminal, he was in all of the circumstances - just another person persecuted by Russians. In fact, his previous life was rather full of various minor acts. He really was just an average slavic one, who was more about wasting his life in the low-paid jobs and protesting against the government. More of this isn't necessary, as it's the fluff.
Appearance: Despite his flesh being a mix of greyish to blackish where it first started to rot, he seems to be rather elegant for the zombie. He wears a full greyish uniform, black short shoes, that aren't helpful in his current state, and while he has no wound sign visible, it's the rotmark that is shaped like the bullet wound. Under the uniform - green-to-black discolouration, and heavily marbled body. The hairs somehow still are there, albeit they're falling pretty quick.
Inventory:
Personal document case - Useless in life, finds some use after death, somehow. +3 to defensive statistic, when held as a shield, 2 attack power when bashing using the case. May be sizeable enough to snuggle a weapon undetected (a small one, like a pistol or a dagger).
Glock-7 - Personal Russian choice for defensive weaponry. Holds nine bullets a clip (the clip size is only used for description, and doesn't impact the weapon abilities), and has 13 attack power per shot.
Basic Attack: 20 (Reasoning - he's a zombie, and zombies have good claws.)
Abilities:
Aimed Strike - requires any gun. Grigor will aim on the target then fire, following the next action. It deals one-and-half times as much damage as normal strike, but hold up yet - it has increased chance to hit vital organs (Alas SMAAAAAAAAASH damage.) The second may not work if the foe has no weak points.
Foreclosure - Grigor uses the empty document case to confuse the foe into thinking he's revealing the important details. Silly, this world doesn't work like that. (Wastes one foe action, but can be only used once per foe encountered. Not the battle. The foe. This means if there's six foes, he technically can use his ability up to six times, on different foes.)
Perks:
Courageous - Even after death, Grigor doesn't fear seeing the true death at all. The damage done to him is increased by 25%, but so is damage done by him.
Slavic Accent - Grigor won't be welcomed with open hands by everyone, nor he's trustable, but if he is, he'll be sure to leverage some kind of influence. (Bad karma is accounted twice as much, but if maintaining neutral or good one, merchants may leverage the 25% discount.)
Racial Perks: (Don't mess with this, depending on your race i'll add what needs to be added here...)
One Time Ability: For the Motherland - Grigor has a hidden ability after all - he has the emergency clip of explosive rounds, that he can use with his gun, dealing additional explosive damage to his foes. (1x normal damage + 1.5x explosive damage)
 
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Hello,@Halt , I am the guy who controls the monsters and looks at apps, I was apparently elected to do so for some reason, so I guess I am gonna take a look at your app.

Red is incredibly bad stuff. This'll be rare unless you did something just bad.
Purple is neutral.
Blue no longer exists because I'm not obligated to help you as the hostile, sorry.

Just a sidenote: Normally, I reformat apps to make them easier for others to read, I noticed a fair bit of verbosity in your app, it made it a lot harder to read, some meaning may wind up missing, but I tried to maintain it to the best of my ability, I'd like to take this time to do a PSA and say that if anyone else is reading through this game while it is still going, I'd appreciate if you kept your app short and to the point if you want to join, because the level of compacting I had to do with this app was unprecedented, and may impair my ability to look at them.

Grigor ( @Halt )
Starting HP: 325
Race: Zombie
DT: 50
EC: 0
Cause of Death: Has been shot by Molotov when his safehouse in Russia has been burst through, and he refused to go in jail, getting into the brawl with the other people there. [I'm sorry, but how does a person get shot by a molotov, I thought those were a makeshift throwing weapon? Or is that the name of a person in his past?]

[The Backstory and Appearance have been omitted from this analysis to save space, they are fine, you don't really need to change those]

Inventory:
Personal Document Case: Useless in life, finds some use after death, somehow. +3DEF, when held as a shield, does 2DMG when bashing. Sizeable enough to smuggle a small weapon(Example: Pistol, Dagger, etc.) undetected. [Simple enough, I wonder if that smuggling function will ever be put to use by Ivuul for a puzzle]
Glock-7: Personal Russian choice for defensive weaponry. Holds 9 bullets a clip, and does 13DMG per shot. [You won't need the clip mechanic, it'll be forgotten pretty quickly, unless you want to track it yourself, this game isn't that mechanically indepth, it tries to be relatively simple]
Basic Attack: 20
Abilities:
Aimed Strike: Requires a gun. Grigor takes aim at a target and fire next turn. It deals 50%(1.5 times) more damage than a normal shot, has a significantly increased chance to SMAAAAAAAAASH against opponents with the weaknesses/vital organs.
Foreclosure: Grigor uses the empty document case to confuse a foe into thinking he's revealing the important details. Wastes 1 foe's action, but can only fool that particular foe once. [This particular ability was a giant pain to preserve the meaning of while reducing the word count to something readable by a low-attention-spanned layman, while I do think that this ability should just be part of the item itself, because it relies on that item, I'm fine with this ability, but you could benefit from learning how to word things concisely]
Perks:
Courageous: Doesn't fear true death. Receives & Deals 20% more damage [Unorthodox percentages(see; anything that isn't 25%, 50%, or 75%, even then, 25% and 75% are only tolerated) are not recommended when joining one of DGI's games, he doesn't like doing math]
Slavic Accent: Bad karma is gotten twice as fast, but if you have neutral or good karma, merchants may give a 25% discount on goods.
Racial Perks: (Don't mess with this, depending on your race i'll add what needs to be added here...)
One Time Ability: For the Motherland: He has the emergency clip of explosive rounds, that he can use with his gun, dealing additional explosive damage to his foes. [How much explosive damage? 1x is not very helpful]
 
(Benevolent Tingler)
Tingler presses 3 on his remote, he gives the robotics expert a thumbs up and heads out of town.



eyy it's me the latonomicon.
 
Well, I noticed you've silently edited your app @Halt , it's pretty acceptable, except for 1 thing. And before you assume, no it isn't the 'verbosity' as I like to call it, as much as I'd love to complain about your lack of conciseness, that isn't the issue.

It's to do with the for the motherland ability, we understand the 1x normal damage, that explains itself. But we have no frame of reference for the 'explosive damage' figure, unless you are treating that is basically just normal damage figure under a different name, in which case, you could just explain it as a damage bonus.
 
Additionally, I’m guessing it would also change the damage type to explosive, which only two creatures (that currently are on the wiki) are resistant to.
 
Okay, I made a character.


Fedora Ron (Matthus)
Starting HP: 107/107
Race: Lost Soul
DT: 2
EC: 0
Cause of Death: Stress-induced heart attack upon realizing that wearing a fedora makes him look like a neckbeard.

Backstory: Fedora Ron's life was brief and unremarkable. He accomplished absolutely nothing during his time on Earth. The only time anyone took note of Ron at a party was this one time he wore his signature black fedora. After noticing that the fedora gave him some minor attention, he began wearing it every single day. Uses his fedora as a substitute for real confidence. After dying, he found himself in a strange new world with no idea as to what is happening.

Appearance: 5ft 2in. 24 y/o. Skinny. Redhead. Wears a black fedora, purple t-shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers.

Inventory: Signature Fedora, Wallet (containing 20 bucks, his driver's license, an expired Barnes and Noble coupon, and 3 sticks of gum), a kazoo, and a half-empty plastic water bottle.

Basic Attack: 10

Abilities: Cap Conceal - If threatened, Ron can remove his beloved hat and tuck it under his shirt. This causes attackers to realize how much of a "nothing" he is in combat, causing them to focus on attacking other, more threatening characters.

Perks: Fedora Confidence - Ron's whole world revolves around this one stupid hat. While he has his fedora, he is generally more confident and assertive. If he ever loses his fedora, however, he will commit every resource at his disposal to recovering it ASAP. No exceptions.

Racial Perks: (Don't mess with this, depending on your race i'll add what needs to be added here...)

One Time Ability: Fedorarang - Ron steals the Oddjob hat toss from Goldenfinger and slings his fedora at an enemy (does 12 damage) {Yes, this activates Fedora Confidence's negative until he gets it back}
 
I'm not Fury, but I feel like your character is actually a little weak. The Fedorarang is an ordinary ability. You could try making it one and then making a stronger One Time?
 
I'm not fury, but, as someone else did with me before, I'll save you from some of his fury.

This is for OK
This is for a personal comment.
This is for something that is serious wrong
Matthus said:
Okay, I made a character.


Fedora Ron (Matthus)
Starting HP: 107/107 (Nice number bud)
Race: Lost Soul
DT: 2
EC: 0
Cause of Death: Stress-induced heart attack upon realizing that wearing a fedora makes him look like a neckbeard.(LOL)


Backstory: Fedora Ron's life was brief and unremarkable. He accomplished absolutely nothing during his time on Earth. The only time anyone took note of Ron at a party was this one time he wore his signature black fedora. After noticing that the fedora gave him some minor attention, he began wearing it every single day. Uses his fedora as a substitute for real confidence. After dying, he found himself in a strange new world with no idea as to what is happening.(sounds ok to me, be wary however, such a "boring" (plz note the ") char, lacks depth, Wich could be unfun)

Appearance: 5ft 2in. 24 y/o. Skinny. Redhead. Wears a black fedora, purple t-shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers.

Inventory: Signature Fedora, Wallet (containing 20 bucks, his driver's license, an expired Barnes and Noble coupon, and 3 sticks of gum), a kazoo, and a half-empty plastic water bottle.
(You should list it
1. Wallet
. . .
The thing is bud, you are occuping three inv slots of ten, with useless stuff)
Basic Attack: 10 (Uh, no, as you are lacking abilities, this should be raised a lot, or making something to backup for it)

Abilities: Cap Conceal - If threatened, Ron can remove his beloved hat and tuck it under his shirt. This causes attackers to realize how much of a "nothing" he is in combat, causing them to focus on attacking other, more threatening characters.
( I find it okay except for the faxt, that you also noted, he is alone, and such, this is blatantly useless, at least for now)


Perks: Fedora Confidence - Ron's whole world revolves around this one stupid hat. While he has his fedora, he is generally more confident and assertive. If he ever loses his fedora, however, he will commit every resource at his disposal to recovering it ASAP. No exceptions. (Interesting)

Racial Perks: (Don't mess with this, depending on your race i'll add what needs to be added here...)

One Time Ability: Fedorarang - Ron steals the Oddjob hat toss from Goldenfinger and slings his fedora at an enemy (does 12 damage) {Yes, this activates Fedora Confidence's negative until he gets it back}(This is not a 1 time use ability, this is an ability, and a severely hindered one)
Click to expand...
((Look, your char is good, the thing is, in your search of "not being OP, you went to the very other extreme, that is, being very weak.
I am not saying "minmax or GTFO" I just say that is WAY too far from a normal dude
Also that you chose Lost Soul.))
 
Hello,@Matthus , I see you've pinged me, which means you want me to look at your app.

Purple is neutral, usually used for questioning.
Red is for blatantly bad.
Blue doesn't exist and is probably something out of myth itself.

Fedora Ron (@Matthus )
Starting HP: 107/107
Race: Lost Soul
DT: 2
EC: 0
Cause of Death: Stress-induced heart attack upon realizing that wearing a fedora makes him look like a neckbeard.
[I omitted your backstory and appearance to save space in this analysis, nothing wrong with them]
Inventory: Signature Fedora
Wallet: Contains 20 bucks, his driver's license, an expired Barnes and Noble coupon, and 3 sticks of gum.
Kazoo
Half-empty Plastic Water Bottle.
[I did a wee bit of reformatting with the inventory, I kept the wallet down to what seems most likely to be in there, feel free to add descriptions to the other items, just don't go into arguably too much detail, we don't need the complete story of the item]
Basic Attack: 10
Abilities: Cap Conceal: If threatened, Ron can remove his beloved hat and tuck it under his shirt. Causes attackers to realise he is a "nothing" in combat, causing them to focus on attacking other characters.[I personally have no real objections with this, I'll try to work with this, but sometimes you may have to remind me if I forget]
Perks: Fedora Confidence: Ron's whole world revolves around this one stupid hat. While he has his fedora, he is generally more confident and assertive. If he ever loses his fedora, however, he will commit every resource at his disposal to recovering it ASAP. No exceptions. [I like this gimmick, this is an item-based perk/ability done right imho]
Racial Perks: (Don't mess with this, depending on your race i'll add what needs to be added here...)
One Time Ability: Fedorarang: Ron steals the Oddjob hat toss from Goldenfinger and slings his fedora at an enemy for 12DMG. Disables positive effects of Fedora Confidence. [This one-time is a good laugh]

While your character is very weak, I imagine that's the point of the character, if you want to be weak, don't let the others talk you out of it, it could allow for all sorts of interesting opportunities, I had a weak character like yours, he was fun to play, don't let these fellows talk you down from doing it, I'll be cheering for your neckbeard in the land of the dead if you go through with him, even if I likely will be the one who needs to kill you, due to being the monster man, it has potential to be hilarious. If I had a rankings list for apps I've analysed, you'd be pretty high up compared to a lot of other apps.
 
I personally make a lot of underpowered characters, but still have a lot of fun (mainly because I don’t really know how to work with an overpowered one) so what I say is go buck effing wild with underpowered characters.
 
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