The Last Post Wins!

It's sunny yet it's super cold. Glad I took this picture.
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A cord who?........................... Find out in episode 12
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
 
Here's my day so far:
went to jail,
lost the girl of my dreams,
and got my butt kicked pretty good.
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right.
I'm falling to my death.
Guess they can't.
How'd it all come to this, you ask?
My end starts at the beginning.
The very beginning.
Yes, that's me.
I had a fairly standard childhood.
I came from, what you might call,
a broken home.
Literally broken.
I was eight days old
and still living with my parents.
How sad is that?
Clearly it was time to move on.
Here is your minion.
He will take care of you.
And here is your binky.
You are destined for...
I didn't quite hear that last part,
but it sounded important.
- ...two, one.
- Destined for what?
I set out to find my destiny.
Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt
quadrant had the exact same idea.
That was the day
I met Mr. Goody Two-Shoes...
...and our glorious rivalry was born.
Could this be
what I was destined for?
A dream life filled with luxury.
Apparently not.
Even fate picks its favorites.
No big deal.
A much different fate awaited me.
A baby! How thoughtful.
Oh, yes.
Yes, I saw it and thought of you.
Luckily I found
a lovely little place to call home.
Can we keep it?
A place that taught me
the differences between right...
...and wrong.
Mr. Goody Two-Shoes,
on the other hand,
had life handed to him
on a silver platter.
Our baby can fly.
Yes, yes, nothing
but the best for you, darling.
The power of flight,
invulnerability, and great hair.
But I had something far, far greater.
My amazing intellect...
...and knack
for building objects of mayhem.
After a few years, and with some
time off for good behavior,
I was given an opportunity
to better myself through learning...
...at a strange place called shool.
It was there that I once again ran
into Mr. Goody Two-Shoes.
He had already amassed a gigantic army
of soft-headed groupies.
He bought their affections
with showmanship
and extravagant gifts of deliciousness.
So I, too, will make this popp-ed corn
and win over those mindless drones.
Lights out.
That's when I learned
a very hard lesson:
Good receives all the praise
and adulation,
while evil is
sent to quiet-time in the corner.
So fitting in wasn't
really an option.
While they were learning
the Itsy Bitsy Spider...
...I learned how to dehydrate animate
objects and rehydrate them at will.
Some days, it felt like it was
just me and Minion against the world.
No matter how hard I tried,
I was always the odd man out,
the last one picked,
the screw-up, the black sheep...
Get him!
- ...the bad boy.
- Freak!
Weirdo!
Was this my destiny?
Wait, maybe it was.
Being bad is
the one thing I'm good at.
Then it hit me:
If I was the bad boy,
then I was going to be
the baddest boy of them all.
I was destined to be
a super-villain,
and we were destined to be rivals.
The die had been cast,
and so began an enduring, epic,
lifelong career.
And I loved it.
Our battles quickly got more elaborate.
He would win some.
I would almost win others.
He took the name Metro Man,
defender of Metrocity.
I decided to pick something
a little more humble: Megamind...
...incredibly handsome criminal genius
and master of all villainy.
Read on your own time. Open up.
- Hey!
- Boo!
Oh, good morning, Warden.
Great news: I'm a changed man, and...
...and I'm ready to re-enter society
as a solid citizen.
You're a villain,
and you'll always be a villain.
You'll never change,
and you'll never Ieave.
You're fun.
You got a present in the mail.
Is it a puppy?
From Metro Man. "To count every
second of your 85 Iife sentences."
That's funny. Never thought Metro Man
was the gloating type.
Oh, but he does have nice taste.
I think I'll keep it.
Any chance you could give me the time?
I don't want to be Iate for the opening
of the Metro Man Museum.
Oh no. Looks Iike
you're gonna miss it,
by several thousand years.
Oh, am I?
Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City.
It's a beautiful day
in beautiful downtown,
where we're here to honor
a beautiful man, Metro Man.
His heart is an ocean
that's inside a bigger ocean.
For years he's been watching us
with his super-vision,
saving us with his super-strength
and caring for us with his super-heart.
Now it's our turn
to give something back.
This is Roxanne Ritchi,
reporting Iive
from the dedication
of the Metro Man Museum.
Wow. OK, the stuff
they make you read on-air,
that's un-freaking-believable.
It's crazy.
I wrote that piece myself, Hal.
What I was trying to say was,
I can't believe
that in our modern society,
they Iet, Iike,
actual art get onto the news.
- Nice save, Hal.
- What are we...
Like, Iet's just get
a coffee or something.
Come on, it's time to get
in the Metro Man Day spirit.
Well, if I were Metro Man,
Megamind wouldn't be
kidnapping you all the time.
- That's the first thing.
- That's sweet, Hal.
And I'd be watching you,
Iike a dingo watches a human baby.
OK, that sounded...
- OK, that sounded a Iittle weird.
- A Iittle bit. Yeah.
And you're making a weird face,
and that's making me feel weird.
The point is, I would watch you
Iike someone...
Not Iove. We're not in Iove.
I'm not saying I Iove you.
Hey, I Iove you. Whatever.
But I'm not saying Iike
I'm in Iove with you. I'm saying...
Roxanne? Roxaroo?
- Whoa... What?
- Hey...
Get back to work.
The city doesn't pay you to Ioaf.
- Freeze!
- Whoa. What are you doing, guys?
It's me! It's the warden.
Hey! Open up!
No, you fools. He's tricked us.
You were right.
I'll always be a villain.
Well, hello good-Iooking.
Need a Iift?
Certainly do,
you fantastic fish, you.
- Get in the car, you.
- I'm free!
Right?
Nice work sending me
the watch, Minion.
- You got it, boss.
- Punch it!
AII right,
put your hands in the air.
Ladies and gentlemen,
your Metro Man!
- Who's your man?
- Metro Man!
Yeah, Metro City!
Gimme some. Come on. Give it now.
Give it to me. Right on.
Gimme the good stuff. AII right.
Hey, Metro City.
Hey. Hey.
You know, you know,
I just want to bring it down a bit.
Boys, a Iittle Iower.
Thank you, fellas.
Let's get real for a moment.
That's right. That's right.
That's right.
Although getting a whole museum
is super-cool, is super-cool,
you want to know what the greatest
honor you've given me is?
Do you really want to know? Really?
I'll tell you.
The greatest honor you've
given me is Ietting me serve you,
the helpless people of Metro City.
And at the end of every day,
well, I often ask myself...
...who would I be without you?
- I Iove you, Metro Man!
- And I Iove you, random citizen.
I tell you, Minion.
There's no place Iike evil Iair.
I've kept it cold and damp
just for you, sir.
How do I Iook, Minion?
Do I Iook bad?
Disgustingly horrifying, sir.
You always know what to say.
Oh, the brain-bots
certainly missed you, sir.
Did you miss your daddy?
Who's a menacing Iittle cyborg?
You are. Yes, you are. No biting.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You want the wrench?
Go get the wrench.
- Oh, Iook at that.
- Now, back to Iaughing.
She's awake. Quick, to work.
Miss Ritchi, we meet again.
Would it kill you to wash the bag?
You can scream all you wish,
Miss Ritchi.
I'm afraid no one can hear you.
Wh... Why isn't she screaming?
Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind?
Like this...
But that's, that's a poor Iady scream.
He's a Iittle better.
Is there some kind
of nerdy super-villain Web site
where you get Tesla coils
and blinky dials?
Actually, most of it comes
from an outlet store in...
Don't answer that.
- Romania.
- Don't! Stop!
She's using her
nosy reporter skills
on your weak-willed mind
to find out all our secrets.
Such tricks won't work on me...
- Please talk slower.
- ...temptress.
What secrets?
You're so predictable.
Predictable? Predictable?
Oh, you call this predictable?
Your alligators. Yes.
Yeah, I was thinking about it
on the way over.
What's this? Boom! In your face.
- Clich.
- No! Look, watch.
- Juvenile.
- Shock and awe.
- Tacky.
- Oh, it's so scary!
- Seen it.
- What's this one do?
Garish.
- OK, the spider's new.
- Spider?
Yes. The... The spee-ider.
Even the smallest bite
from Arachnis deathicus
will instantly paralyze...
Get it off! It bit me!
Give it up, Megamind.
Your plans never work.
Let's stop wasting time and call
your boyfriend in tights, shall we?
It is with great pleasure that
I present to Metro Man his new museum.
If you please.
- Metro Man!
- Hey! My kid can't see.
- Megamind!
- Oh, bravo, Metro Man.
Boo!
Yes, I can play along too. Boo!
Should've known
you'd try to crash the party.
Oh, I intend to do more than crash it.
This is a day you and Metrocity
shall not soon forget.
It's pronounced Metro City!
Potato-tomato, potato-tomato.
We all know how this ends:
with you behind bars.
I'm shaking in my custom
baby seal leather boots.
You will leave Metrocity,
or this will be the last
you ever hear
of Roxanne Ritchi.
Roxanne! Don't panic, Roxie.
- I'm on my way.
- Yeah, I'm not panicking.
In order to stop me,
you need to find me first, Metro Man.
We're at the abandoned observatory.
No, we're not!
Don't listen to her. She's crazy.
Metro Man approaching, sir.
Hold on a second.
Oh, good heavens!
You didn't think you
were in the real observatory, did you?
Ready the death ray, Minion.
Death ray, readying.
Over here, old friend.
In case you haven't noticed,
you've fallen right into my trap.
You can't trap justice.
It's an idea, a belief.
Even the most heartfelt belief
can be corroded over time.
Justice is a non-corrosive metal.
But metals can be melted
by the heat of revange.
It's "revenge,"
and it's best served cold.
But it can be easily reheated
in the microwave of evil.
Well, I think your warranty is
about to expire.
Maybe I got an extended warranty.
Warranties are invalid if you don't use
the product for its intended purpose.
Oh, girls, girls, you're both pretty.
Can I go home now?
Of course. That is,
if Metro Man can withstand the full,
concentrated power of the sun!
Fire!
Minion. Fire?
- It's still warming up, sir.
- Come again?
- Warming up, sir.
- Warming up? The sun is warming up?
One second more and...
...just tippy-tappy tippy-tap-tap,
tip-top more,
- and we are ready in just...
- Honestly!
On my way, Roxie.
I told you to have things ready.
I told you countless times.
Why do you always blame me?
My spider bite is acting up.
Your plan is failing. Just admit it.
Yeah, good Iuck with that one.
Whose side are you on?
- The Iosing side.
- Thank you.
Could someone stamp
my Frequent Kidnapping Card?
You of all people know
we discontinued that promotion.
- Ciao-ciao, all!
- Same time next week?
Dag! Crab nuggets!
- What did he just say?
- "Crab nuggets"?
Fackled fish cracker!
Ten seconds to full power.
- Good Iord, I'm trapped.
- Ten...
- What kind of trickery is this?
- ...nine...
- You mad genius.
- ...eight...
- Your dark gift has finally paid off.
- ...seven...
- It... It has?
- ...six...
This dome is
obviously Iined with copper.
- Yeah? So?
- Sir...
- Copper drains my powers.
- ...two...
- Your weakness is copper?
- ...one.
- You're kidding, right?
- Full power.
I don't think
even he could survive that.
Well, Iet's not get
our hopes up just yet.
- Look!
- Metro Man!
Metro Man.
Metro Man!
- You... You did it, sir.
- I did it?
He did it.
- I did it?
- He did it.
- You did it, sir.
- I did it!
- You did it!
- I did it! Metrocity is mine!
- You did it, sir!
- I did it! Yeah, me, me!
- Yes, I did it!
- Us! We both did it!
- Not us! I!
- You, a Iittle more
- than me but still, come on!
- A Iot more than you.
When they're giving out the awards,
- I'm gonna be right there next to you.
- What awards? What awards, for what?
Hit it!
Drop 'em!
First off, what a turnout.
How wild is this?
AII I did was eliminate the most
powerful man in the universe.
Are there any questions?
Go on. Yes! You in the back.
I'm sure we'd all Iike to know what
you plan to do with us and this city.
Good, I'm glad you asked that.
Imagine the most horrible, terrifying,
evil thing you can possibly think of,
and multiply it... by six!
In the meantime,
I want you to carry on
with the dreary, normal things
you normal people do.
Let's just have fun with this. Come on.
And I will get back to you.
Now slam the door really hard.
They... They can still see you.
- Now?
- Your elbow's still in.
Good.
There he is, Mr. Evil Overlord
Oh, Minion, did you think
this day would ever come?
No way. Not at all, sir.
Never. Never in a million...
I mean...
- Yes, I did.
- Look at the intricate mouldings.
I'm Iooking. I'm Iooking.
And what's this?
It's Iike one of the giant monitors
in the Iair.
But it seems to only carry one station.
Oh, that, sir, is called a window.
- Window?
- AII the kids are Iooking through them.
I've never had a view before.
Metrocity, Minion, it's all mine.
If my parents could see me now.
Sir, I'm sure they're smiling down
from evil heaven.
And now that Mr. Goody Two-Shoes is
out of the way,
I can have everything I want,
and there's no one to stop me!
I know. I know.
Always thirsty, never satisfied.
I understand you,
Iittle well-dressed bird.
Purposeless, emptiness.
It's a vacuum, isn't it?
It's... What's your vacuum Iike?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Not now, Minion.
I'm in a heated,
existential discussion
with this dead-eyed, plastic desk toy.
Is... Is something wrong, sir?
Just think about it.
We have it all.
Yet, we have nothing.
It's just too easy now.
I'm sorry, you've Iost me, sir.
I mean, we did it, right?
Well, you did it, sir.
Yes, you've made that perfectly clear.
Then why do I feel so... mel-on-choly.
"Mel-on-choly"?
- Unhappy.
- Well...
What if tomorrow,
we could go kidnap Roxanne Ritchi.
That always seems to Iift your spirits.
Good idea, Minion.
But without him, what's the point?
- "Him," sir?
- Nothing.
OK, all right. We'll just...
that's something to consider...
...and... Well, I think I'll just
power down for a while then.
He was always there for us. Dependable.
Perhaps we took him for granted.
You know, maybe,
we never really know how good
we have it until it's gone.
We miss you, Metro Man. I miss you.
And I have just one question
for Megamind: Are you happy now?
This is Roxanne Ritchi,
reporting from a city without a hero.
Coming up next, are you ready to be
a slave army? What you need to know.
And... wrap that up and give it
to a child on Christmas,
- 'cause we're done.
- OK. See you tomorrow, Hal.
Wait. Roxie, I'm having a party
at my house.
It's gonna be, Iike,
off the hook, or whatever.
You should come over.
I got a deejay,
rented a bouncy house,
made a gallon of dip.
It's gonna be sick.
Oh. I... I don't know, Hal.
I don't really feel Iike being
around a bunch of people.
No, no, no, that's the best part.
It'll just be Iike you and me.
Wow. That... that's certainly
very tempting, but...
I did hire a wedding photographer.
That's just in case we were Iike,
something crazy happened
and we wanted a picture of it.
Like, maybe we should have this for,
Iike, ever. Like a memory, you know?
I'm gonna pass.
I have some work here
that I need to do, anyway.
Cool. So Thursday? Soft Thursday?
- Good night, Hal.
- That's a soft yes on Thursday.
What's wrong with me?
Rented a bouncy house?
Chicks don't Iike bouncy houses.
They Iike clowns.
Stupid van! You broke my finger!
I've made a horrible mistake.
I didn't mean to destroy you.
I mean, I meant to destroy you,
but I didn't think
it would really work.
What are we supposed to do?
Without you, evil is running rampant
through the streets.
I'm so tired of running rampant
through the streets.
What's the point of being bad
when there's no good
to try and stop you?
Someone has to stop Megamind.
- Hey, we're closing soon.
- You scared me.
- Barry, right?
- Bernard.
Bernard. I was just...
Well, I was talking to myself.
You probably think
I'm a Iittle bit nuts.
I'm not allowed to insult
guests directly.
Thank you. Just...
Bernard, I'll just be another minute.
OK.
Thanks.
I had so many evil plans in the works.
The illiteracy beam.
Typhoon cheese.
Robo-sheep.
Battles we will now never have.
You know,
I never had the chance to say goodbye.
So it's good
that we have this time now.
You know, before I destroy the place.
Nothing personal, it just brings back
too many painful memories.
Hello?
- Hello?
- Roxanne.
- That's a pretty tasteless costume.
- Costume?
Megamind's head is not
that grossly exaggerated.
And you even made a cheap replica
of his dehydration gun. How...
Hello? Is someone there?
Hello? Who's there?
It's just you, Bernard.
Yes. It's just me. Bernard.
Well, thank you
for Ietting me stay.
Look, I wouldn't stay here for more than
two minutes and 37 seconds
if I were you. We're having
the walls and ceiling removed.
Wow, that sounds Iike quite
the renovation.
I guess I'll catch
a ride down with you then.
I kept thinking he was gonna do
one of his Iast-minute escapes.
Yeah. He was really good at those.
Oh, if only the world had
a reset button.
I've Iooked into the reset button.
The science is impossible.
Oh, Bernard...
I didn't know you had... feelings.
Are you OK?
Metro Man's gone. And now there's
no one Ieft to challenge Megamind.
Oh, come on, Bernard.
As Iong as there's evil,
good will rise up against it.
Oh, I wish.
I believe someone is gonna stand up
to Megamind.
- You really think so?
- Yeah. I mean, it's Iike they say,
"Heroes aren't born, they're made."
Heroes can be made. That's it!
AII you need are
the right ingredients.
- Yeah. Bravery.
- Yes.
- Strength.
- Of course.
- Determination.
- Imperative!
And a smidgen of DNA.
Oh, with that, anyone can be a hero!
Yeah!
I think we should run!
Bye!
Time to put the past behind us.
Only the future...
I'm too close!
I'm genuinely scared right now.
I hope no one's seeing this!
Create a hero? Wait, wait, what?
Why would you do that?
So I have someone to fight.
Minion, I'm a villain without a hero.
A yin with no yang.
A bullfighter with no bull to fight.
In other words, I have no purpose.
Now, ask me how I'm going to do it.
Go on! Ask!
How are you gonna do it?
I'm going to give someone...
I don't know who yet...
Metro Man's powers.
I'm going to train that someone
to become Metrocity's new hero.
Over here! Follow!
And then finally,
I'm going to fight that hero
in an epic battle of good and evil.
Which will put everything back
the way it was...
...when the world was
perfect and rosy.
Behold, Minion, Metro Man's cape.
Look closely. Tell me what you see.
- Dandruff?
- Yes. It's his DNA.
From this, we'll extract the source
of Metro Man's awesome power.
Sir, I think this is a bad idea.
Yes! This is a very wickedly bad idea
for the greater good of man.
But I'm saying this is
a kind of bad that...
...OK, you might think is good
in your bad perception,
but from a good perception it...
it's just plain bad.
Oh, you don't know
what's good for bad.
Now, we have just one shot at this.
We must find a suitable subject,
someone of noble heart and mind.
Who puts the welfare of others
above their own.
What on Earth is that?
It seems to be emanating
from there, sir.
OIIo.
It's "Hello."
Hello? Like that?
- Bernard, it's Roxanne.
- It's Roxanne.
I just wanted to thank you
for inspiring me the other day.
- Oh, you inspired me too.
- Great!
It's time we stood up to Megamind
and show him he can't push us around.
Oh, really? She's so cute.
I'm already hot on his trail.
- And what gives you that idea?
- Sir?
I just found his secret hideout.
How did she find my hideout?!
How did you find his hideout?
This is the only building in Metro City
with a fake observatory on the roof.
OK. There's no way
she'll find the secret entrance.
There's a doormat here
that says "Secrit Entrance"!
- Minion!
- I kept forgetting where it was.
She'll discover all our secrets!
- Oh, no!
- You dim-witted creation of science!
- What?
- What? Oh, no, not you, Roxanne.
No, I was just yelling at my...
mother's urn.
Don't do anything.
I'll be right there.
Roxanne?
Oh no, not again!
Roxanne?
I'm glad you're here.
Wait, how did you get here so fast?
Well, I... I happened to be
speed walking nearby when you called.
In a suit?
It's called... formal speed walking,
but that's not important.
I better take the Iead.
This way Iooks exciting.
No, it says "Exit."
Which is the abbreviation
for "exciting," right?
This is the mother Iode!
- Wow. Just Iook at this thing.
- Wow.
You know, I really could use
your help in deciphering all this.
- Really?
- You're an expert
- on all things Megamind, right?
- Yes. Right.
Together, we could figure out his plan
for the city and stop it.
- Are you in?
- Oh, what fun!
That's what I want to hear.
Minion, Code: Send In The Brain-bots.
You know,
the whole point of a code is...
Oh, Code: Just Do It, Minion.
Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!
- It's me, you fools!
- Bernard!
It's Daddy!
Megamind.
- What have you done with Bernard?
- Oh, Bernard? Oh, yes.
I'm doing horrible things to that man.
I don't want to get into it,
but Iasers, spikes.
No, please! No!
Not the Iasers and the spikes!
- You know the drill.
- Oh, no! Not the drill!
- Let him go or...
- Or what?
Or I'm gonna find out
what this weird-Iooking gun does.
No, don't shoot! Don't shoot that gun!
I'll just go get him.
- Unhand me, you fiend!
- Never!
His strength's too much!
Oh, I work out!
Well, it's really paying off!
You're so fit,
and strangely charismatic.
Are you OK?
I did my best, but he's too fantastic.
Here. Let me carry
that heavy gun for you.
I got us covered.
- Let go. It's mine!
- Bernard, run!
Roxanne?
- You're going to break it!
- Give it to me!
Oh, no!
Roxanne?!
Who on Earth is that?
- Help!
- Roxanne!
Bernard! You were right
about that door being exciting.
- Intruder! Intruder!
- This way.
Intruder! Intruder! Intruder!
What are you doing?
This'll stop them. Here!
Seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?
- Just throw it!
- Daddy's sorry.
- Wow. That was really exciting.
- Yeah.
- You were very strong in there.
- I know.
I've never seen anyone but Metro Man
stand up to him Iike that.
- What's going on?
- Hal, what happened?
I think a bee flew up my nose.
I was just about to make
my frontal assault to rescue you,
but Iike 50 ninjas tried to attack me,
so I had to beat 'em all up,
and I did, and I... They were all,
Iike, crying and stuff...
- Wow, a brave one, isn't he?
- Who are you?
Oh, thi... this is Bernard.
He's my partner.
- Partner?
- Yes. Yes. Partner.
Well, Iook, "partner," I'm her partner.
She doesn't know what she's saying.
She's been through
a traumatic experience.
I'd better take him home.
Thanks again, Bernard.
I'll call you tomorrow, partner.
Yeah, OK. I'd Iike that.
That was weird for everybody,
'cause you accidentally hugged him
instead of me.
Sir? Sir!
Code: Did You Find Out Who It Was?
Code: Get The Car.
Code: Right Away, Sir.
- Bye-bye!
- See you tomorrow, Hal.
I'll Ieave the door unlocked in case
you want to check on me Iater.
Who is this man
we've infused with godlike power?
Well, sir, his name's Hal Stewart.
He's 28 years old.
No criminal record.
Actually no records at all.
Apparently this man hasn't
accomplished anything.
Not yet, Minion. Not... yet.
Could this day get anymore fun-tastic?
So, I will just go ahead and diffuse him
since this is clearly a mistake.
No, Minion! There's something
much more powerful at work here.
This is no mistake. It's destiny.
Hal Shtewart! Prepare for your destiny!
Hal? Hal Shtewart?
- Hey! In the bed!
- Am I saying it right?
"Stewart."
Is this a robbery?
'Cause the Iady across the hall
has way better stuff than me.
Oh, Iook, it's Hal Stewart.
Quick, the spray.
AII out.
- Well, use the Forget-Me Stick.
- Oh, right.
Just Iook at him.
No, he doesn't Iook quite
the hero-type to me.
Oh, you're such a pill, Minion.
A potter couldn't ask for finer clay.
I smell a hero.
I smell something burning.
I think it's working. Places! Places!
Places! Places! Places.
Do you have your disguise?
What?
Oh, you Iook fantastic.
Rise my glorious creation.
Rise, and come to Papa.
- What's going on?
- Easy my child.
- Who are you?
- I sent you to this planet
to teach you about justice,
honor, and nobility.
I am your father.
So you're Iike my space dad?
Yeah, I'm Iike your space dad.
And you are what?
I'm your space stepmom.
I've had some
work done recently.
Is this some kind of dream?
This is a dream come true.
You've been blessed
with unfathomable power.
- What kind of power?
- Unfathomable.
It's unf... without fathom.
Yeah. We've come to guide you
on your path
to be Metrocity's new hero
and battle the super-genius
of Megamind.
I know this is a Iot to take in.
It may take months
for you to come to grips.
No freaking way!
I wasn't finished.
I'm gonna be a hero!
I'm gonna be a hero!
See, Minion, he's perfect!
And... action!
- Someone help me!
- I'm OK!
You... Bad!
Zap! Zap! Zap!
The flames of my evil burn bright.
Now you say something cool
back at me.
Look. It doesn't even hurt.
Don't even feel it.
No, no, no, no, no. Stomach down,
hands up. Like Metro Man.
- Whoa! Wait!
- Watch out.
He's hopeless. Hopeless!
- Maybe we should change tactics.
- You think so?
Oh, you know how boys are.
They Iove video games.
- I could throw a few parts together.
- Can't wait.
LOL. Smiley face.
Can't wait for what, sir?
That was such a funny story.
And brilliantly told, by the way.
OK, now you tell one.
Bernard, I never knew
you were so funny.
And I never heard you Iaugh before.
Yeah, it's been a while.
Feels pretty good.
And action.
Gotcha!
- You don't get out much, do you?
- Oh, what fun!
I used to come here
with my mother when I was a kid.
It was one of my favorite things to do.
Now Iook at it. It's a dump.
Why are we cleaning up the city, sir?
Well, we don't want to battle
our new hero in a dump now, do we?
They're all back. But how? Why?
Maybe Megamind isn't so bad after all.
That's it.
Be free, my beautiful dove!
OK, OK.
Metro Man and I were never a couple.
- But I thought you two were...
- I know. Everybody did.
It's just...
Well, he was never really my type.
Really?
OK, now you tell me something.
Something you've never told anyone.
Well, in sh... school...
...none of the other kids
really Iiked me.
I was always the Iast one picked
for everything.
It's too bad that we didn't go
to the same school.
Hal, I think you're ready for this.
- Do I have a son?
- No.
You make me Iaugh.
It stretches. It's for you.
Hey, what's the T stand for?
Titan.
"Titan"?
What's that supposed to mean?
It was the only name
I could trademark.
Do you have someone special
in your Iife, Hal?
No, not yet. But... there's this
really, really good-Iooking one
I've got my eye on currently.
That's very good.
- Romance is very inspiring.
- That's what I hear.
AII you have to do is
save her and she'll be yours.
- Who wants churros?
- I do!
- I do, yeah. Thanks, Space Stepmom.
- Churros all the way around.
On the count of three,
unsheathe your churro.
One, two, three!
To Titan!
Tomorrow, you will fight Megamind,
and the city will know your name.
...the city's parks restored
to their original glory,
the streets the safest they've been,
the banks reopened.
Has something happened to Megamind?
Has someone tamed this monster?
This is Roxanne Ritchi,
cautiously optimistic,
and pleasantly confused.
Well, you seem
in a very good mood tonight, sir.
Oh, yes. How Iong is
this going to take, Minion?
Just a few alterations, sir,
and I will be done
with your most terrifying cape yet!
I'm calling it...
...the Black Mamba...
Black Mamba. Perfect.
Gosh, I am running Iate.
I have to go.
What? Where...
Where are you going, sir?
We have our debut battle
with Titan tomorrow morning.
We haven't even tested
your big battle suit yet.
You attend to the details, Minion.
I have to... run a quick errand.
You don't run errands.
- What's going on here?
- What?
Oh, wait a minute.
Are you wearing
Jean Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme?
It's just my natural musk.
Now, where are the car keys?
This is about Ms. Ritchi,
isn't it?
You're going on a date with her.
No, my main man.
Get out of town.
Oh, this is bad. This is bad.
You've fallen in Iove with her.
You are forgetting your place, Minion.
Now give me the keys.
What happens when Roxanne
finds out who you really are?
She will never find out.
That's the point of Iying.
Honestly, if I didn't know
any better,
I'd think this was
your first day of being evil.
No!
This has gone far enough!
Oh, that was really grown-up!
Sir, sir, please.
It's for your own good.
Oh, what do you know?
I may not know much,
but I do know this:
The bad guy doesn't get the girl.
Maybe I don't want to be
the bad guy anymore.
You heard me!
Who are you?
- Now, give me the keys!
- No!
My sole purpose in Iife is
to Iook after you.
Well, I don't need you
to Iook after me.
What are you s... What are you saying?
You don't need me?
Let me make it clear.
Code: I Don't Need You.
You know what? You know what?
Code: I'll Just Pack My Thing And Go!
- Code: Fine!
- Code: Fine Back!
- Well, good Iuck on your date!
- I will!
- That doesn't even make any sense!
- I know!
I know I am so close. I can feel it.
OK, OK. I just have
to take a step back.
Wait a minute.
"Titan."
- What's a Titan?
- My super-ears are burning.
I usually just hear criminals.
You haven't been naughty, have you?
I'm totally messing with you.
I'm totally messing with you.
- The name's Titan.
- Titan.
Your very own heroic guardian
of pure awesome.
What's your name? Just kidding.
I know everything about you.
And I...
And I brought some flowers.
Didn't know what you Iiked, so I
just grabbed, you know, all of them.
OK. You don't Iike flowers?
OK, forget the flowers.
What do you want?
Thought maybe we could go
for a Iittle flight around town.
Get to know each other first.
This must be
very thrilling for you.
What do you think you're doing?!
Oh, am I moving too fast?
You're probably right.
I should just rescue you a few times
before we get all romantic.
Saved ya.
You are Iucky to have
such a great hero here.
- Don't you ever...
- Oh, no! Somebody do something!
Oh, right, right, duh.
I gotcha. I gotcha.
That was a close one.
You almost died,
- but I saved you.
- Building!
Gotcha! I'm sorry.
What were you saying?
I couldn't hear you over the sound
of me saving your Iife.
Put me down! Right now!
OK, all right. AII right, hold on.
Are you crazy?
I suppose I'm a,
I'm a Iittle crazy, about you.
Who are you, really?
Oh, right. Well, prepare to have
your mind blown, Iittle Iady.
- Ta-da.
- Hal?
Yeah. Isn't this great?
Now there's nothing keeping us apart.
- No. It's not great.
- Wow. Our first fight.
This is so us.
We're Iike an old married couple.
Look, there is no "us," OK?
There will never be an "us."
But... I have powers.
I have a cape. I'm the good guy.
You are a good guy, Hal,
but you don't understand.
- We need to find out why...
- No, no. This...
- Hal, just take a deep breath
- This isn't right!
- and Iisten to me for a moment.
- You're supposed to be with me!
I'm trying to warn you, Hal.
It's Titan!
It's Titan, not Hal!
- Bernard.
- Roxanne.
- Sorry I'm Iate.
- Wow, your hair Iooks exciting.
Not the only exciting development
of the night.
Megamind's created a new hero,
and I know why.
It all makes sense now.
He missed getting his butt kicked,
so he created a new hero
- to kick it for him.
- Yeah.
But why would he pick Hal?
Hal is the worst possible person
you could pick.
Wow. That's a Iot to take in.
It boggles my mind.
I am extremely boggled.
You know, I'm sure we'll get
to the bottom
of who's kicking whose butt.
But in the meantime,
Iet's enjoy each other's company.
I'm sorry, Bernard,
of course, you're right.
You know, I could use a breather.
To Bernard,
for being the only normal thing
in my crazy, upside-down world.
To... being normal.
- Roxanne?
- Yes?
Say I wasn't so normal.
Let's say I was bald
and had the complexion of,
of a popular primary color,
as a random, nonspecific example.
- Would you still enjoy my company?
- Of course!
You don't judge a book by its cover
or a person from the outside.
That's a relief to hear.
You judge them based on their actions.
Well, that seems kind of petty,
don't you think?
What? What?
Don't Iook at me!
Just a technical glitch!
Don't Iook yet!
Well, never mind that.
OK.
Where were we?
- You...
- Now, now, hold on.
You!
I can explain!
What about everything you just said?
About judging a book by its cover?
Well, Iet's take a Iook
at the contents then, shall we?
You destroyed Metro Man,
you took over the city,
and then, you actually got me
to care about you!
Why are you so evil?
Tricking me?
What could you possibly hope to gain?
Wait a minute.
I don't believe this.
Do you really think
that I would ever be with you?
No.
OK, Minion! You were right!
I was... Iess right!
We should stick
to what we're good at... being bad.
Minion?
You there!
Yeah, you.
Bring out the Black Mamba.
OK, Titan.
It's time to go down in style.
I hear there's a new hero
who dares challenge my evil.
Where is the one they call Titan?
Challenge me if you dare!
Oh no. We're gonna crash!
This is embarrassing.
Of all the inconsiderate,
bone-headed...
...irresponsible, rude...
Unprofessional, that's what this is!
Would Metro Man have kept me waiting?
Of course not! He was a pro!
Hey, Megamind!
You're actually the guy I want to see.
Also, there's a door here.
Do you have any idea
how Iong I waited for you?
No, no, no, I totally understand
what you're saying.
Could you just, just shut up for one
second. I'm trying to beat this Ievel.
Were you even planning
on showing up?
What's this?
Where did you get all this stuff?
It doesn't belong to me.
- You stole it?
- Pretty cool, right?
- No, no, no, no! You're a hero!
- Being a hero is for Iosers!
It's work, work, work,
I only took the gig to get the girl,
and it turns out Roxanne
doesn't want anything to do with me.
- Roxanne Ritchi?
- Yeah! Roxanne Ritchi!
I saw her having dinner
and making googly eyes
at some intellectual dweeb!
Who needs all that noise?
That's why I think we should team up.
You... Wait... What?
With my power,
and your big-headedness,
- we could rule the city!
- You want to team up?
I even drew up
some new costume designs, see?
- Costume designs?
- You'd be the brains,
so you'd get a Iittle brain,
wearing glasses on your costume,
or something.
And since I'm the cool one,
I'd have, Iike,
two tanks swordfighting...
I can't believe you.
AII your gifts, all your powers,
and you... you squander them
for your own personal gain.
- Yes!
- No! I'm the villain!
You're the good guy!
I do something bad,
and you come and get me!
That's why I created you.
Yeah, right. You're nuts.
Space Dad told me...
Look, I'm your space dad!
You should be more Iike Metro Man.
- You tricked me?
- Oh, don't Iike that?
Well, there's more.
I'm also the intellectual dweeb
dating Roxanne.
- No.
- And we were smooching up a storm!
When I get my hands on you,
I'm gonna...
Yes! Yes, I know!
Bring me to justice.
Oh God, how I've missed this.
And the hero strikes the first blow.
But evil returns with a backhand!
Yes!
Come out, you Iittle freak!
I want to see what that big brain
Iooks Iike on the pavement!
You fell for the oldest
evil trick in the book!
You Iittle blue twerp!
En garde!
Oh, now that's the spirit!
Parry! Thrust! Parry again!
Now it's time for some witty
back and forth banter!
You go first!
OK! Look, I'm not sure
where to go with that!
This one's for stealing
my girlfriend!
This one's for Space Dad making
a fool out of me!
And, Megamind, this one's
for Space Stepmom! You Iied to her!
Well done. I thought
that battle went really, really well.
- I mean, I have a few notes.
- Notes?
But they can wait.
You can take me to jail now.
Oh, no, no, no. I was thinking
more Iike the morgue. You're dead!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This isn't how you play the game.
Game over.
Brain-bots!
I'm calling time out!
Time out? Time out! Time out!
Brain-bots,
initiate the fail-safe.
Guess what, Buster Brown?
It's made from copper.
You're powerless against it.
It's the very same metal used
to defeat... Metro Man?
You should stop comparing me
to Metro Man!
You can run, Megamind,
but you can't hide!
We're saved! We're saved!
What's your name, new hero?
- It's Titan.
- Thank you!
Thank you! Titan has freed us!
Oh, I wouldn't say "free."
More Iike under new management.
- What do you want?
- Titan's turned evil.
Congratulations. Another one of your
genius plans has backfired on you.
And why did my doorman Iet you up?
Carlos.
Please, Roxanne, no. No.
I need your help.
Why do you need my help?
Because you're
the smartest person I know.
But you can't hide here.
The copper should have worked.
Why didn't the copper work?
The copper worked
perfectly well Iast time.
Copper? You're not making any sense.
Look, if we don't find
Titan's weakness,
he'll destroy the whole city.
- OK, how can I help?
- We need to find answers.
You knew Metro Man best.
Did he have a hideout? A cave?
A solitary fortress of some kind?
Anything that would give us clues.
Well... there is one place I know.
You gave him these powers.
Can't you just take them away?
I can't. I Iost my diffuser gun
when I misplaced the invisible car.
The night you dumped me. Alone.
In the rain.
Did you ever Iook back?
- No!
- My giant blue head!
I guess we're here.
So, this is where he hid it.
After all these years.
My old shoolhouse.
You know, I think there's an apology
in order for the other night.
OK, that would be nice,
but make it quick.
We have much more
pressing matters to deal with.
Wow. I can't believe
he kept all this stuff.
I remember when he wore that.
- Shouldn't we try to stay focused here?
- Yes, of course. Right. Focused.
Hey. Come over and Iook at this.
What is it? What did you find?
Look.
This glass has ice cubes in it.
Yes, that's what happens
when water gets cold.
No, what I'm saying is,
don't you think it's a Iittle odd
that the ice hasn't melted yet?
One of Iife's great mysteries.
Hey.
We now have confirmed reports.
Titan, first thought to be
this city's new hero, has turned evil.
The city has never seen
this level of destruction.
If only Metro Man were still alive.
- You're alive?
- You're alive.
- I'm alive.
- But I, we...
We saw your skeleton!
You were dead!
Are you a ghost?
There had better be
an amazing explanation for this.
Speak, apparition.
OK. OK, OK, OK.
You both deserve the truth.
It all started
back at the observatory.
Roxanne was kidnapped.
I was gonna stop you.
My head wasn't in the game that day.
We were kind
of going through the motions.
So... using my super-speed,
I decided to go clear my head.
Fire!
Then I realized,
we had done this same silly charade
our entire lives.
I tried to get my mind off
how I was feeling,
but I just felt stuck.
I began to realize,
despite all my powers,
each and every citizen of Metro
had something I didn't: a choice.
Ever since I can remember, I've always
had to be what the city wanted me to be.
But what about what I wanted to do?
Then it suddenly hit me.
I do have a choice.
I can be whatever I want to be.
No one said this hero thing had to be
a lifetime gig.
You can't just quit, either.
That's when I got the brilliant idea...
to fake my death.
Copper drains my powers.
Your weakness is copper?
Once your death ray hit,
I'd never felt so alive.
So I borrowed a prop
from a nearby nursing school.
Metro Man was finally dead.
And Music Man was born!
- Music Man?
- That way I could keep my Iogo.
- 'Cause of wha...?
- Come again?
I was finally free to get in touch
with my true power...
...weaving Iyrical magic.
Check this out.
I have eyes that can see
Right through lead...
- You're horrible!
- Granted, you have talent.
But there's a madman
out there destroying our... your city.
How could you do this?!
The people of this city relied on you,
and you deserted them!
You Ieft us in the hands of him!
- No offense.
- No, I'm with you.
Look, we need your help.
I'm sorry. I really am.
I'm done.
You know, Iittle buddy,
there's a yin for every yang.
If there's bad,
good will rise up against it.
It's taken me a Iong time
to find my calling.
Now it's about time you find yours.
Hey, who needs him?
We can beat Titan ourselves.
I say we go back to the evil Iair,
grab some ray guns,
hold him sideways,
and just go all gangsta on him.
We can't.
So that's it? You're just giving up?
I'm the bad guy. I don't save the day,
I don't fly off into the sunset,
and I don't get the girl.
I'm going home.
Unless someone comes
to our aid soon, all may be lost.
Thousands have already fled the city
in a mass exodus.
Remaining citizens are warned
to stay indoors until further notice.
Authorities have issued a warning
to stay out of the downtown area
at all costs.
Hal!
Hal!
Let me guess.
After seeing how awesome I am,
you've finally come to your senses?
Well, I'm over you.
- I've come to stop you, Hal.
- You? Oh, wow.
OK, what are you gonna do,
report me to death?
I was going to try reasoning with you.
You and I, we worked together
for a Iong time. I know you.
You don't know me.
You never took the time to know me.
This is the first time
we've hung out socially,
and it's when
I'm about to destroy the city!
I want to talk to the real Hal.
I want to talk to the guy
who Ioved being a cameraman,
and eating dip, and being a nerd,
and being not as scary
as the Tighten Hal.
Too Iate!
...interrupting our scheduled...
...extraordinary events
taking place...
Heat in the valley and...
Megamind!
You and I have
some unfinished business.
I'll be waiting at Metro Tower.
Oh, and just
so you don't get cold feet...
Roxanne.
Come on, Roxie, call for your hero
to come rescue you.
Megamind, I don't even know
if you're listening, but if you are,
you can't give up.
The Megamind I knew
would never have run from a fight,
even when he knew he had
absolutely no chance of winning.
It was your best quality.
You need to be that guy right now.
The city needs you.
I need you.
Roxanne.
You have one hour.
Don't keep me waiting.
Warden! Warden! Listen to me!
You have to Iet me go!
Tighten has to be stopped!
Sorry, Megamind.
You still have 88 Iife sentences to go.
Plenty of time to reflect
on what you've done.
Did you want to hear me say it?
I'll say it.
Here it is,
from the blackest part of my heart.
I am sorry!
Not buying it.
I don't blame you.
I've terrorized this city
countless times.
Created a hero
who's turned out to be a villain.
I Iied to Roxanne, and...
...my best friend Minion,
I treated Iike dirt.
Please don't make this city...
...don't make Roxanne
pay for my wrongdoings.
Apology accepted.
Oh, Minion, you fantastic fish, you.
What are we waiting for?
We'd better get going.
You got me.
- Good Iuck, fellas!
- We're gonna die!
Wait, what?
Hey, Metro losers.
This is Metro Tower.
They say it's supposed to be
a symbol of our city's strength.
But for me,
it's a reminder of the day
this woman ferociously ripped
out my heart. And I hate reminders!
Help!
Please don't do this. I know
there's still good in you, Hal.
You're so naive, Roxie.
You see the good in everybody,
even when it's not there.
You're Iiving a fantasy.
There is no Easter Bunny,
there is no Tooth Fairy,
and there is no Queen of England.
This is the real world,
and you need to wake up!
You dare challenge Megamind?
This town isn't big enough
for two super-villains!
Oh, you're a villain all right!
Just not a super one!
Yeah? What's the difference?
Presentation!
- I knew you'd come back.
- Well, that made one of us.
- What's the plan?
- Well, it mostly involves not dying.
I Iike that plan.
Building!
Go faster!
Make this thing go faster!
I can't control it!
No.
Well, that was easy.
Looks Iike there's
only one Ioose end now.
Please, Iet's have a Iittle respect
for public transportation.
You came back!
You were right, Roxanne.
I never should have Ieft.
I... I thought you were dead.
My death was... greatly exaggerated.
So, you're the punk I've heard about.
I'm sorry.
I did the best I could.
I'm so proud of you.
Minion?
Surprise!
He's the real hero.
Megamind.
Going somewhere?
Besides jail?
No, not in the face, man. Please.
If you know what's good for you,
Tighten, you'll stay out of Metrocity!
- You got it!
- For good!
Pretty sneaky, sis.
But there's only one person I know
who calls this town "Metrocity."
You.
Bet you think it's really funny?
Let's all Iaugh
at the really cool guy?
Well, you're not gonna be Iaughing
for Iong.
The invisible car.
Hey! Remember that night
that I dumped you?
You're bringing this up now?
Well, I did Iook back!
You did? You did?
Yes! And you should Iook back
right now!
Oh, I get it!
This is the Iast time
you make a fool out of me!
I made you a hero.
You did the fool thing
all by yourself.
You're so pathetic.
No matter what side you're on,
you're always the Ioser.
There's a benefit to Iosing.
You get to Iearn from your mistakes.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Minion, if I Iive, I will kill you.
Enjoy your flight!
Megamind!
So this is how it ends.
Normally, I'd chalk this up
to my last glorious failure.
But not today.
What can I say?
Old habits die hard.
Say bye-bye, Roxie.
OIIo.
The thing about bad guys,
they always Iose!
- You did it. You won.
- Well...
I finally had a reason to win. You.
Minion!
Can't see. It's cold and... warm,
and dark and Iight.
It's me, Minion. I'm right here.
We've had a Iot of adventures together,
you and I.
We have, Minion.
I mean... most of them
ended in horrible failure,
but we won today. Didn't we, sir?
Yes, Minion, we did it.
Thanks to you.
Code: We're The Good Guys Now.
Code: I Guess We Are.
Oh, oh, oh, I'm going!
I think this, this is it!
I'm going... going far...
What a drama queen.
You know, I'm feeling much better now.
I guess I just needed a swim.
He had you, didn't he?
Classic Minion.
Don't give me that face.
He reels you in with that Iittle face.
- Look at that face.
- We did it!
We did it!
- Fist pump!
- You did it!
We won, we won, we won!
Get back, you savages!
Sorry! Sorry. He's just not used
to positive feedback.
Funny, I guess destiny is
not the path given to us...
...but the path
we choose for ourselves.
AII right, put your hands in the air.
Now hand over your wallets.
I'm just kidding!
Just kidding!
I have to admit,
being good has its perks.
You know, you Iook
pretty good in white.
Megamind, if you plea...
Hey. My kid can't see.
Sorry, my friend.
Way to go, Iittle buddy.
I knew he had it in him.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Megamind, defender of Metro City!
You know,
I like the sound of that.
Hit it!
Megamind! Megamind!
Megamind! Megamind!
I'm bad! I'm bad! That's right. Yeah!
Sir, you really need to empty
your pockets more often.
This has been the worst day
of my entire Iife.
 
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