Poetry The Poem of Skeletron Prime

[TTSp00k the Invincible]

K, here I go:


"Oh, puny human, do you dare challenge me?
I will destroy you, you weak little flea!
No longer shall you be, filled with glee!
Soon, you'll no longer exist!
Though you, might resist!
Though you, will persist!
Oh, puny human, do you dare challenge me?
Isn't it time for, you to flee?
This will end in your desolation!
There will be no other interpretation!
Oh, puny human, do you dare challenge me?"

So, what'd you think?

 

[zimberzimber]

Not bad.
Consider making the rhymes go double instead of triple.
instead of
X
X
X
Y
Y
Y
Consider using
X
X
Y
Y
Z
Z

 

[AyeAye12]

A triple-based rhyming structure is fine to use.

is a good little fun piece, but I dunno if the comma in the third line is necessarily needed? Jars the flow for me, I'm afraid. Actually, there's a few commas dotted about in between lines that aren't necessary IMO.

Speech marks aren't generally needed for dramatic monologues too (if there was more than one narrator in the poem then it'd be used).

It's quite a shift between lines 6 to 7 and well, might want to either link up the threat of persistence (which implied that the player was winning at first reading, haha) or take a new stanza there.
I like the refrain at the end, too