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  1. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    Hello members of TCF!

    Today I'm going to be writing a story about @Vikri's Torment biome! Hopefully I will make more stories for other peoples suggestions, but that's for another day. ;)

    Note: This story revolves around the Torment. The Torment and all related ideas belonging to @Vikri!​

    But you didn't come here to hear me babble about credit, on with the story!

    "I'm going out there" I said, brushing Conner out of my way. "But sir!" He protested. I ignored him as I grabbed my sword off it's rack by the door. "I... I won't let you!" He yelled as he followed me around the house... er, large wood box. The L.W.B (as I liked to call it) was home to many people including me and Conner. "Ha!" I stopped to look at him, "you? and what army?". Conner was my best friend... maybe a little too best. Being a couple years younger than me, he had a bad habit of calling me sir. That, and he was paranoid and overprotective. Conner raised his hands in a exasperated gesture. I slipped a few potions into my bag then walked over and grabbed a couple books of the shelves. "But it's dangerous!" He shouted, following me again. "Does it look like I care?!" I shouted back. Conner dropped his hands in a show of defeat. "At least take this with you" he said, handing me silver mirror. Taking the magic mirror from him, I stuffed it into my pack, zipped it up, and slung it over my shoulder. I grabbed my helmet off the rack by the door. Giving Conner and the other inhabitants of the house a farwell nod, I slipped out the door and gave a defiant look at the darkness in front of me. I was getting her back, and I didn't care what stood in my way... even if it was the Torment.
    My name is Jonah, me and my sister, Alice, had awoken in a strange, unfamiliar world. We had explored, finding Conner sitting under a tree reading a book. He had told us where we were and had helped us survive our fist few days in this strange land. Explore, fight, build. My sister and I did everything together. Yesterday my sister, me, and Conner had discovered a young women trapped in a spiders nest. Alice had gone out that night to gather wood to make a new addition to the L.W.B. for her. She never returned. After some investigation, Conner had discovered that she had been captured by a Tormenter. a monster from the deepest part of the world's pain... the Torment, And had warned me not to go search for her. I didn't listen. And now you have me, in the middle of nowhere, searching. As my mind wandered I never noticed the large shape looming in front of me in the thick fog. I walked headlong into the large tree blocking my way and fell on the ground. Surprised, I jumped up and whipped my sword out. Seeing that it was just a tree I put down my guard and continued on my way. After I had walked a few paces I stopped and walked back to the tree. After I looked at it for some time I came to the conclusion it wasn't a normal tree. It's bark was pale yellow and covered with cracks and holes. Not only were the the leaves pale blue like all the life had been sucked out of them, but they curled upwards like they had been burned. As I saw this I felt a tingling sensation in my feet. I looked down and gasped. The grass was the same lifeless blue color as the leaves, and it wrapped itself around my ankles like it was trying to trapped me. I had seen the Torment a few times and those only at a distance, but somehow I knew, I had found the it.
    I gripped my sword in both hands and started of across the grass. Along with the lifeless trees and creepy grass, a sickly aroma hung in the air making me feel sick. After I had walked for a couple minutes I came across my first living creature, if you could even call it that. A bunny limped across the ground in front of me and groaned. It's fur was the lifeless blue of all the other things I've seen here, it's empty, black eyes staring strait ahead. The most prominent thing about the bunny was it's back. On it was a small, metallic creature, similar in shape to a spider. It had it's many, rib like appendages wrapped around the bunny and seemed to be the source of the bunnies agony. The bunny stopped, noticing me. Instead of running away like normal bunnys do, it's eyes started to shift colors from empty gray to a ghastly green. The bunny lunged at me it's eye now glowing. I quickly sidestepped it and thrust my sword into the bunny's back. It fell to the the ground, and the creature on its back slipped off, dead. Now that the parasite-like monster was no longer on the bunny its fur grew lighter and it's eyes turn back to black only to die by the sword wound. I lifted my gaze up from the dead bunny and looked around me. To my horror they were everywhere. Every living creature in sight be it fish, bunny, or horse, was being controlled by these creatures. Realizing these must be the Tormenters Conner had spoken of I began to walk faster. I had to find Alice, and soon.
    Have you ever tried to walk down creaky stars without someone hearing? Because that's what walking through this dying wasteland feels like. Everywhere there were Tormenters... or something equally disturbing. I tried to travel unnoticed but inevitably I was spotted. Something like an undead vulture glared at me from high in the trees. Sensing hostility, I used my pace no longer worrying about stealth. I glanced over my shoulder to be reworded with the sickening sight of hell-ish monsters chasing after me. Since they weren't showeing any signs of aggression, I keeled moving preparing for the worst. A few moments later a strong blow hit me from behind and I stumbled, almost dropping my sword. The group of monsters, now aggressive, attacked me with such ferocity I almost lost consciousness. I tried swinging my sword but it was feudal. They gripped on to my body crushing me with their limbs. I ran blindly, hoping to run into a tree and knock them off. Instead, I tripped over a builder and fell face first into a small pond. All the monsters that came in contact with the water shrieked and flew of to a safe distance. I splashed some water on the remaining creatures and watched as they too, shrieked and flew off. Glad that I now had a way to fight the monsters, I grabbed a few empty bottles and filled them up.
    I kept walking, splashing water on myself every few minutes to keep the monsters away. I really didn't know where I was going. I came with the intention of finding Alice, but now I had no idea how to do that. Soon a large monolith of stone sitting on the edge of a cliff, came into view. It was shaped like a dome. With large, gaping holes poked into its side. The stone itself was mainly a worn grey with patches of bright blue. I glanced up at the position of the sun. Seeing it was nearly dusk and I was running out of light, I decided these caves might be the best place to camp out for the night. I approached the nearest opening and stepped inside. All to soon I realised my mistake. What I thought were caves were acutely holes, And the holes opened out into a large cavern with no floor. I went to far and walked strait of a ledge. It was so sudden it took me awhile to become aware that I was falling. When I did, I reached out my hand to grab the wall, but the speed at which I was falling forced my hand away. Ripping off my glove and leaving a large gash in my hand. I cradled my injured hand and braced myself for the hard, and most likely killing, landing. Right when ground looked close enough to reach I saw I large cave diverting off of the one I was about to die in. Seeing my one chance at surviving I threw my grappling hook inside the new cave and pulled. My timing was a little off so instead of landing in the cave I crashed into the wall under it. The force of the blow knocked the air out of my lungs and knocked the hook from my grasp. I started sliding down the wall so I jammed a wooden platform under me to stop. I took a couple of minutes to breathe and get over the fact that I had almost died. Eventually the scuttling of creatures on the walls forced me to my feet. Using the rest of the platforms I had left, I built a ladder up to the other cave. I lit a torch and looked around me. The cave I was standing in was one of two caves projecting off the hole I just fell through. I turned around to face the back of the cave. Right now the only way to go, was forward.
    I crept slowly along the cave. sometimes I came upon strange, alter like objects, giving off a soft glow. I came apon the end of the tunnel. It appeared large, but that's was probably because of the bright light given off by strange balls of green fire set in the walls and floor. In one corner was a small pool created by large dripstones hanging from the ceiling. All of this I barley noticed because a figure sitting in the center of the room took all my attention. That figure was Alice. I rushed forward, but stopped suddenly. Something wasn't right. With the amount of noise I was making, she should have noticed me. "Alice!" I called quietly. I tried a little louder, "Alice!". This time she got up, but the feeling of unease only increased, "Alice?". She walked over to me in a strange, almost robotic gate. The then I realized my mistake. It was Alice, but on her back was a Tormenter. Which could only meant... before I could finish the thought she lunged at me, trying to grab my neck. Not sure of what do do, I ducked and backed out of the way. "How am I supposed to fight her without hurting her!?" I thought as she took another swipe at me. Glancing at the small pool I got an idea. I kept backing away, but angled myself toward the water. Once I was couple of feet away, I dashed and forward and grabbed her arm. In one swift motion I pushed her in, then hurled myself in as well.
    The water was colder than I thought, but I kept swimming until I was at the center of the pool. I pulled Alice's limp form behind me. The cold water forced the Tourmenter off her back like I hoped, but it didn't exactly wake her up. Once we were deep enough, I turned around shoved her head underwater. She came up sputtering, swinging her head around. "Watch It!" I yelled, barley dodging out of the way of her flailing hair. "Jonah!" She exclaimed, noticing me for the first time. I grabbed her in a big hug, to happy for words. "Hey! She said, shoving me away. "I haven't been gone that long, I only left to get some... where are we?". I quickly told her what happened to her and all the dangers I faced as she glanced around. Once I was done, she looked at the monsters gathered at the edge of the pool with a thoughtful look an her face. She had always been that type of person. "So whenever they grab on to you, your under their control until they get off?" She asked. I nodded my head. "And they're also afraid of water?". I nodded my head again. "Well, They must not be very afraid" she said, pointing. The Tormentors had started taking small leaps into the water. I cursed and drew my sword. "Watch out!" Alice screamed. I whipped around just in time to see a large Tormenter jump and land on my back. After that, I had an experience that I hope never to have again. It was like I was no longer me, I was pushed to the back of my head as a new, menacing presence took over. I tried to get back in control but I felt excruciating pain, like lying on a bed of hot coals. I finally gave up, but the pain stayed with me. I... er, my body, laughed and strode out of the pool. Alice tried to grab me but I turned and hit her in the jaw. I walked up to one of the green, fire orbs set into the walls. I pulled a hammer out of my satchel and started hitting it and laughing like a maniac. It finally broke and a strange chill filled the air. I went to the next one and smashed it too. This time, screams that were neither mine or Alice's echoed in the cave. I moved towered a third orb, this one glowing brighter than the rest. With one mighty swing it broke as well.
    At that moment the Tormentor let me go and I tripped and stumbled to the ground. "Wasn't I in the pool?" I asked Alice as she rushed over to help me to my feet. She then explained what happened and what I'd done. Groaning, I stood up and looked around. Around us the cave began to shake, knocking me and Alice back onto the ground. A large, dark shape flew out from the ground and hovered above us. It was big, about the size of a small tree, wrapped in a shredded blue cloak with numerous spikes protruding from its back. It's bare skeleton was filled with wailing grean lights, and was topped with a smooth metal mask. "Necrim?" I asked to no one in particular. Necrim was supposedly a horrific best that ruled the soulless. With his numerous weapons of torture it could tear your spirit from you and add it to his collection. The creature, as if in answer, let out a piercing screech that shook me to the core. We jumped out of the way as one of its many crude weapons slammed into the floor where we once stood. Large orbs, similar to the ones I unwilling broke, erupted out of the hole. While all this happened the creatures present in the cave, including the non tormented, stayed back as if to say "your fault, you deal with it". "Jonah! Over here!" My sister yelled as I dogged a creepy, pail orb aimed at my head. I dashed over ducked into a corner. Alice held three, metallic objects. She handed me one, a large staff, and kept the second one, a strang looking gun. She then placed the third, a silver amulet around here neck. "I found them on the floor, I think they were inside the things you broke!". I nodded my thanks and we both went out of our hiding place and moved along the wall. Necrim let out a bellow of rage and dashed after us. I moved in time, but not Alice. She was knocked to the ground, but strangely, all of Necrims orbs that were near her were knocked down too. I guess it was because of her amulet; because it was glowing, but I didn't have time to find out. As it charged us again Alice stood back up and shot the remaining orb with her new gun. This time Necrim released a cry of anguish and moved to us, but much slower. At first I thought we had won, but my excitement was short lived. As Necrim moved, Tormentors crawled out of the light from within its chest. I swung the seemingly useless staff Alice gave me to ward of a Tormentor. As I swung, a bolt of pure energy erupted from the ceiling and struck it, turning it into a smoking husk. Alice looked at me with astonishment, then went back to shooting, three bullets at a time. And that's how it went. Me and Alice fighting Necrim and It's minions, but no matter what we did, we could never beat it.

    Part Two

    I used my hook to avoid Necrim as it charged past me at unimaginable speeds. We couldn't keep on doing this, especially since the staff drained my strength whenever I used it. I untethered my hook and backed up as It summoned blue spheres to rain down on us. Alice and I continued to back up as she fired at Necrim. He started to move slow and created more Tormentors. "Not again!" I growled, moving to cover Alice as she reloaded her gun. She stood up to fire, but was hit in the chest. She fell to the ground, but so did many of the Tormentors. I growled again and prepared to use the staff. "Wait!" She yelled, stopping me. "If we keep on fighting like this, we'll never make out of here alive". I blasted a Monster that got to close, "So what do you suggest?". She nodded towered some dead Tormentors on the ground. It took me a minute to understand, which was enough time for Necrim to start charging, but I understood. When it was close we both fell to the ground like we'd been hit. We each grabbed a carcass and threw them over our backs. Then I did something I was very uncomfortable doing. I dropped my weapon, and sat there. The plan was, When Necrim would see us, hopefully it would think we were under a Tormentor's control and not kill us. It didn't take long for Necrim to spot us. It charged towards us, and I cringed, realizing this was never going to work. Just as I was about to grab my weapon and make run for it, Necrim stopped a few feet away from us. I waited a few seconds, than breathed a sigh of relief. We might actually live through this. All sound had stilled in the room. I glanced at Alice, she shrugged, and looked back at the Fiend. It just sat there, and I started to wonder if it was going to actually do anything. Necrim then looked directly at us, and let out a sickly growl. I glanced again at Alice, but she seamed as clueless as me. A few seconds past, then it growled again. Seeing as nothing else in the cave was doing anything, I took a step forward. Alice started to object, but than stepped forward as well. Necrim then groaned another string of sounds, this one longer than the last. I tried stepping forward but he growled a warning. After a few seconds a heard a soft click. A glanced in Alice, she had her gun cocked, and held under her chest to hide it. She gave me a look that said "just try and stop me". I smiled in agreement. If we didn't do something soon, we'd never be able to do anything. A grabbed my staff, trying to make it look like I was resting my hand. "One... two..." Alice breathed. Necrim started to growl, noticing my hand. "THREE!" I screamed, jumping up summoning a bolt of lightning. Alice brought her gun up, emptying it of bullets in a few seconds. I don't know how long we were there, but it was long enough. It tried to fight back, but it was already very weak. Necrim's skin started to crack, green light pouring out. The next moment It let out a terrible scream, then it was over.
    I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, "Jonah, get up, it's dead". I rolled over onto my back and looked up. Staring down at me was Alice. Tan skin, reddish brown hair, large green eyes, just like me. "I did it" I mumbled. "Did what?" She question. "I rose slowly and winked at her, "Rescued you". "Ya, ok Mr. Knight in shining armor. Now how do we got out of here?" She asked. "We just have to climb up out of this cave than walk back through the forest, and kill any torment...". It hit me. We might have killed the King of the Dead, but we could still get killed trying to make are way out. I rested on my back, but something poked me. I pulled off my pack, and looked. "The Mirror!" I exclaimed! We both crowded around it. As an afterthought, I scooped up Necrim's remains into my bag and dashed back to the mirror. The reflection of the ceiling above us swirled into the image of the sky right outside our house. I looked up, and there we were, Me and Alice. Home.

    I hoped you enjoyed this story! It took a lot longer, and became a lot longer, than I expected, but it was really fun! Oh, and check out Vikri's Torment suggestion, that's what this story is all about! Please Comment and remember to leave a Like! Thank you! :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2017
    KBitegp, Dreadful man, Pirtz and 4 others like this.
  2. Vikri

    Vikri Plantera

    Good job! Cant thank you enough for doing this. Keep it up! ;)
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2015
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  3. Pumpking

    Pumpking Headless Horseman

    Wow! Very awesome! It's nice to see stories based off of others' suggestions. :p
    I hope to see more!
     
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  4. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    (Sees pumking replied to my thread, dances a little jig) thank you! I am planning on doing stories for other people's suggestions in the future :)
     
    Vikri and Pumpking like this.
  5. Pumpking

    Pumpking Headless Horseman

    Am I really that popular? :p
     
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  6. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    I think so. ;)
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2016
    Vikri and Pumpking like this.
  7. Pixel

    Pixel Terrarian

    Could do with a lot of work, but I suggest continuing what you're doing, and you'll get better.
     
  8. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    What work are you suggesting?
     
    Vikri likes this.
  9. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    It's finished! It was annoying that it took so long, but I'm really happy with the results! If you enjoyed it, Thank you! That means you read through it and my work wasn't in vain. Remember to spread the news about this story and @Vikri's suggestion! In my opinion it doesn't get enough attention compared to the other awesome biome suggestions. Again, thank you reading my very first suggestion story!

    If you see a grammar/spelling mistake it means I missed it and will get it fixed soon.
     
    Vikri likes this.
  10. Vikri

    Vikri Plantera

    Awesome ending! There are no words that can describe how happy i am youre doing this for me! Im tempted to make a banner for the story and put it in my signature. Actually i think im just going to do that :p
     
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  11. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    That would be awesome! I'm thinking about making the ending into a cliffhanger so I can make a sequel... ;)
     
    Vikri likes this.
  12. BAD-BADGER

    BAD-BADGER Terrarian

    neat story I loved it.
    there is a spelling mistake in chapter four it says uook instead of hook just after he trys to grab the wall
     
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  13. ZeroAero

    ZeroAero Eye of Cthulhu

    I love it! Quite a few grammar mistakes, but I'm not leaving the forums because of that!
     
    Brick Creeper likes this.
  14. Brick Creeper

    Brick Creeper Skeletron Prime

    Small update, I fixed all the grammar mistakes I could find. I also updated the parts of the story that didn't make very much sense. It should read a lot better now. :)
     
  15. TheOrangeNinjaYT

    TheOrangeNinjaYT Skeletron Prime

    Yes
     
  16. Bubby Aurora

    Bubby Aurora The Destroyer

    Wow! Very nice.