I went home one december day, ing everything up because everyone keeps beating me with the same words and I just got sooo tired of them, that I shamed myself and shamed everyone I knew. Welp, whatever I did it was done and it happened.
I guess this is the point of reconciliation. The stress of being alone hit me awhile back to the point of wanting to end things. I couldn't rely on anyone's opinion and nobody looked at me like I was reliable to even myself. It blows my mind how angry I've been at everyone. I still am.
I don't know
I was mad because everyone said "I just need guidance" but every time I heed their words they just look endlessly clueless at the directions they give me. Even to the point where I kept telling them that they're actually the ones that need help but since they're my elders, they have this innate pride to make me believe that I'm wrong.
Then, I ed everything up for a very long time, deconstructing everything I hated, hoping some deus ex machina would reconstruct better relationships while also learning how to do it. It's a rough eternal phase. I guess this is life. I'm still 4 after all. (but not really so people got disappointed at me.)
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