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Toxophilite [East]
Terrarian
A few hours ago I self recovered from a heat stroke. Not even a full week before that, I was just recovering from a respiratory infection.
How did I get here? I allowed myself to forget about the simpler times, the times in life where hiding away from a Giant Tortious inside my 2D, mud-crafted clubhouse made me giddy. I'd forgotten that being terrified wasn't always a bad thing, there is still such a thing as "playful terror", a feeling so childlike and foreign, that it took me waking up, in a near-freezing SUV, only after passing out from heat exhaustion to remember.
Without even realizing it, until now, I'd been putting my life and health at risk for a culture that wouldn't pay me the same kindness. "My health is my own responsibility", I don't blame anyone else but myself for forgetting that, and as much as I've been trying to bottle-up my excitement for Terraria 1.4.4, I've fallen into a shallow pit of depression; I don't plan on staying here long, but being here did make me wise to a few things.
Whether religious or not, I think it's important to Count your Blessings.
I've been lucky enough to have good people in life to talk to [not about everything though], or just spend time with when things get hard. I've also had the luxury of seeing the other side of it, people that don't have anyone; my new job has been quite the window to "What if this played out differently?". A little less than a week from today, I was afraid to admit that I was feeling ill, me and a loved one were just having an icky discussion about "time" and "how it's being wasted" because our financial situations aren't in the best shape; their answer to this is being a "work horse", mine isn't.
"You can't just work yourself to death", that's a philosophy which I'd though I'd never agree with. Here I am today, having to admit that I was trying to negotiate my health with "work hours", because I was too afraid to draw the line. "You can't be a hard worker if you enjoy videogames as recreation", it's just one of those tough stereotypes that we gamers get, and it can't be set right. If you're ever seen doing anything else than filling out "important documents" on your computer, you're wasting precious time!
This is why I need to be around others more like myself!
This new job hasn't wasted any time showing me the end result of neglecting your health, physical, spiritual or mental! I'm one of the lucky ones, I knew when to call it quits, though I didn't do it soon enough! It was only when I was forced, for hours, to stare at the ceiling of my Work Truck, recall the Jungle Theme from Terraria, and space-out, to a time when I simply enjoyed the little things, did I have this revelation.
"I like videogames", that's never going to change, no matter how tight money is right now.
I'm a responsible adult and I know what needs to be done. Terraria is a videogame that I spent my lunch money on a long, long, time ago; I'm able to enjoy it today because it keeps receiving free updates, this isn't some new item that I bought, but this kind of nuance is also a conversation that will lead nowhere depending on who's having it. I can't talk about this stuff with everyone, even some of those who are closest to me, but that's ok.
Terraria is my safe space, I can only share it with a small few and that's also fine!
I have some amazing memories in Terraria, some of them are recent. I was unknowingly about to fall into an abyss, until I remembered that there was plenty to grab hold to! Memories from a favorite videogame, would've been the last thoughts I'd ever expect, but you don't get to decide your rescuer. I've witnessed a number of people, allow this world to use them up until there's nearly nothing left, I refuse to take part in a culture like that! A lot of us are struggling right now, and many don't seem to have any joy to balance it all.
Terraria reminded me that I have joy in my life, and I need to nurture it more.
After a hot bath, a new life plan and some hot chocolate... I'm gonna go and do that Not the Bees! run I've been holding off for so long.
How did I get here? I allowed myself to forget about the simpler times, the times in life where hiding away from a Giant Tortious inside my 2D, mud-crafted clubhouse made me giddy. I'd forgotten that being terrified wasn't always a bad thing, there is still such a thing as "playful terror", a feeling so childlike and foreign, that it took me waking up, in a near-freezing SUV, only after passing out from heat exhaustion to remember.
Without even realizing it, until now, I'd been putting my life and health at risk for a culture that wouldn't pay me the same kindness. "My health is my own responsibility", I don't blame anyone else but myself for forgetting that, and as much as I've been trying to bottle-up my excitement for Terraria 1.4.4, I've fallen into a shallow pit of depression; I don't plan on staying here long, but being here did make me wise to a few things.
Whether religious or not, I think it's important to Count your Blessings.
I've been lucky enough to have good people in life to talk to [not about everything though], or just spend time with when things get hard. I've also had the luxury of seeing the other side of it, people that don't have anyone; my new job has been quite the window to "What if this played out differently?". A little less than a week from today, I was afraid to admit that I was feeling ill, me and a loved one were just having an icky discussion about "time" and "how it's being wasted" because our financial situations aren't in the best shape; their answer to this is being a "work horse", mine isn't.
"You can't just work yourself to death", that's a philosophy which I'd though I'd never agree with. Here I am today, having to admit that I was trying to negotiate my health with "work hours", because I was too afraid to draw the line. "You can't be a hard worker if you enjoy videogames as recreation", it's just one of those tough stereotypes that we gamers get, and it can't be set right. If you're ever seen doing anything else than filling out "important documents" on your computer, you're wasting precious time!
This is why I need to be around others more like myself!
This new job hasn't wasted any time showing me the end result of neglecting your health, physical, spiritual or mental! I'm one of the lucky ones, I knew when to call it quits, though I didn't do it soon enough! It was only when I was forced, for hours, to stare at the ceiling of my Work Truck, recall the Jungle Theme from Terraria, and space-out, to a time when I simply enjoyed the little things, did I have this revelation.
"I like videogames", that's never going to change, no matter how tight money is right now.
I'm a responsible adult and I know what needs to be done. Terraria is a videogame that I spent my lunch money on a long, long, time ago; I'm able to enjoy it today because it keeps receiving free updates, this isn't some new item that I bought, but this kind of nuance is also a conversation that will lead nowhere depending on who's having it. I can't talk about this stuff with everyone, even some of those who are closest to me, but that's ok.
Terraria is my safe space, I can only share it with a small few and that's also fine!
I have some amazing memories in Terraria, some of them are recent. I was unknowingly about to fall into an abyss, until I remembered that there was plenty to grab hold to! Memories from a favorite videogame, would've been the last thoughts I'd ever expect, but you don't get to decide your rescuer. I've witnessed a number of people, allow this world to use them up until there's nearly nothing left, I refuse to take part in a culture like that! A lot of us are struggling right now, and many don't seem to have any joy to balance it all.
Terraria reminded me that I have joy in my life, and I need to nurture it more.
After a hot bath, a new life plan and some hot chocolate... I'm gonna go and do that Not the Bees! run I've been holding off for so long.