If Terraria was a bad CGI movie.

TheGuideIsEvil

TheGuideIsEvil

Terrarian
Narrator: Sometimes..you wake up in the middle of nowhere..

*Terrarian wakes up, in the forest*

Terrarian: Ugg..my head..where am I?
Guide: *pops up out of nowhere, startling the player* Hey, need tips on how to survive? I'm your man!
Terrarian: AHH! Who are you?
Guide: I'm the guide!
Terrarian: The guide to what?
Guide: Life! *smiles*
Terrarian: Don't you have a name?
Guide: Oh right.. uh..today I'm Andrew!
Terrarian: T-today?

*some time later*

Terrarian: *returns home* Alright guys, I'm back from adventuring, how are you doing tod-
*nurse and arms dealer kissing*
*terrarian stares awkwardly*
Arms Dealer: Uh..
Nurse: Home so soon? I was just..uh..giving him some medication..with my mouth.

*terrarian approaches the dungeon*

Old Man: A powerful curse was put on me. If you are to access the dungeon below..you must destroy it..
Terrarian: Eh..I don't know..I don't have the best equipment right now.
Old Man: He's a spooky skeleton.
Terrarian: I'm in! *clangs sword*

*terrarian has better pre hardmode gear*
Guide: Alright, hero! Ready to face to the keeper of the Underworld?
Terrarian: I guess so! *walks off*
Guide: Hmm..I should probably warn him that killing the wall releases ancient evils..ah well, he'll probably do fine.
*cuts to Terrarian running from Pixies and Unicorn all bloodily*
Terrarian: Ahh! How can things that look so cute hurt so badly?!

*insert other joke scenes*

Empress of Light: I am the Empress of Light. I am here to purify you of your sins.
Terrarian: Oh..well that doesn't sound so bad!
*makes a bullet hell*
Terrarian: I've must have been a bad boy.

*the end*
 
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Orchamut said:
The fact that the Guide is completely fine about the Terrarian fighting the Wall of Flesh and the whole thing is just brushed off makes it even more accurate.
Click to expand...

I just imagine that the Guide, while not an antagonist, would be unreliable in this lol

Guide: *reading* So that's why angel statues are worthless..interesting.
Terrarian: *comes in happily* Guess who destroyed all the celestial pillars!
Guide: Oh no..
Terrarian: It starts with an m, ends with a e..it's me, baby!
Guide: YOU IDIOT! DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU JUST DID?!
Terrarian: Uh huh..I just destroyed a bunch of aliens! I didn't even use my summoning staves. *dances*
Guide: THE ACTIONS YOU JUST DID MADE THE MOON LORD AWAKE FROM ETERNAL SLUMBER!
Terrarian: Wha- why didn't you tell me that?! Jeez, for a supposed guide, you never tell me anything when it counts...
*the moon lord comes*
Terrarian: You must be the moon lord Guide was talking about..
*he kills guide*
Terrarian: I like this guy already! I'm your humble acolyte, your moonlordiness!
*moon lord stares*
Terrarian: *getting attacked by lasers* I SAW YOU AS A SAVIORRR

*some time later, after a brutal fight; people in town cheering him on*
Terrarian: *solemnly sighs*
Dryad: What's wrong, lad? You saved the world! You deserve a drink.
Terrarian: But I was the one who put it in danger in the first place..
*dryad stares*
*Guide comes back to life and walks nearby*
Guide: Any drinks for me?
Terrarian: What the hell do you want?
Guide: *sits near* look...I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier..I was just scared for the end. But..thanks for saving the world! You did it, bud!
Terrarian: I didn't save the world. All I did was put it in turmoil by my own actions. Vanquishing the wall just made things more difficult. I kept destroying and destroying..all for what? Cool weapons? A random toy every now and then? I'm no hero..I'm just someone who got drunk on power and couldn't let go..
Guide: It's also my fault...I didn't warn you about the wall..you only assumed he was evil because you lacked context. Yes..he did seal the world's evils, and breaking that seal did make things objectively worse..but killing the Moon Lord..is impressive. You may not be a hero..but you're definitely a legend, kid.
*Terrarian smiles warmly*
Terrarian: Heh...thanks..I feel less inclined to toss you into lava for the lolz.
Guide: Ah, that's great- wait wat
 
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TheGuideIsEvil said:
Old Man: A powerful curse was put on me. If you are to access the dungeon below..you must destroy it..
Terrarian: Eh..I don't know..I don't have the best equipment right now.
Old Man: He's a spooky skeleton.
Terrarian: I'm in! *clangs sword*
Click to expand...
This accurately describes most videogame characters
"I don't think I'm ready for this"
*Is told what to do and it's something that sounds stupid*
"I'm in"
 
Esther said:
This accurately describes most videogame characters
"I don't think I'm ready for this"
*Is told what to do and it's something that sounds stupid*
"I'm in"
Click to expand...

Ending scene that could be heartwarming:

(After moon lord is destroyed)
Dryad: Well..my work here is done.
Terrarian: Where are you going?
Dryad: You saved the world. It's time for me to rest. Thank you for everything, lad.
Terrarian: But..you're part of our town..
Dryad: I'm sorry.. but it's what is meant to be.
Terrarian: Oh..okay. I understand. *looks sad*
*dryad approaches him, and kisses him on the cheek, causing him to smile*
Dryad: Farewell, champion. The earth shall sing ballads of your valor for eternity.
*turns into tree*
Terrarian: *sheds tears* Bye, Dryad...
 
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After the Wall of Flesh is killed:

*Empress of Light floating in the high sky, looking down on the Terrarian*
Empress of Light: *thinking* You have no idea what you just did..do you, child?
*flies to a forest and turns it to hallow, then heads back to the sky*
Empress of Light: The true state of the world will destroy you...consider it atonement for releasing us..
*disappears*
 
At the Lizhard Temple:

Terrarian: die reptile thingies!
Lizhards: do not enter! You will destroy the last barrier to the great evil’s return!
Terrarian: ooh shinny glowing thing.
Lizhards: No!
Terrrian: Ooh weird table thing.
Lizhards: stop- augh!
Terrarian: Oo-AAah! Giant burning rock!
Golem: Be not afraid. I am a protector of this world. The Moon Lord cannot assault the world while the sun shines upon it…. Why are you hitting me, infidel? *breaths fire*
 
Stellar Mastodon 267 said:
At the Lizhard Temple:

Terrarian: die reptile thingies!
Lizhards: do not enter! You will destroy the last barrier to the great evil’s return!
Terrarian: ooh shinny glowing thing.
Lizhards: No!
Terrrian: Ooh weird table thing.
Lizhards: stop- augh!
Terrarian: Oo-AAah! Giant burning rock!
Golem: Be not afraid. I am a protector of this world. The Moon Lord cannot assault the world while the sun shines upon it…. Why are you hitting me, infidel? *breaths fire*
Click to expand...
HAHA!

*after fight, guide and merchant playing chess*
Merchanr: And..checkmate. What's the cash prize?
Guide: Uh..we're just playing for fun.
Merchant. Fun?! How can this be fun when there's no money involved?
*terrarian comes back*
Terrarian: Hey guys, I've destroyed Golem!
Arms Dealer: *nurse is cuddling him* Aw, sick! Did you use any guns, dawg?
Terrarian: Eh..more of a swordsman, actually. I terra bladed that mofo!
Arms Dealer: Aw, s**t, I can respect that.
Guide: Something tells me that might have been a bad thing..but I forgot why.
Terrarian: Jeez..talk about a buzz kill!
Arms Dealer: Don't be a playa, Guide. We all know you're just mad yo gun ain't long enough to make it out in this world.
Nurse: I bet his gun..misfires..hah!
Arms Dealer: Damn, girl! Shots fired! *fist bumps her*
Guide: My gun fires accurately! Wait..why are we talking about-
Terrarian: Anyways, I'm off to the skies. I hear there is this cool camera up there! *leaves*
Guide: Camera? *realizes its a martian probe* Oh..wait..TERRARIAN NO!
Arms Dealer: Bro..I mean this with all the offense possible, but you're just hindsight incarnate.
Guide: I hate you all sometimes.
 
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Final one for now:

*saucers fly in from the sky*
Martians: *speak alien language*
Terrarian: Uh..what did you say?
Goblin Tinkerer: They say that they are going to probe each one of us rectally, and then dissect us.
*terrarian stares in horror*
Goblin Tinkerer: I took Martian as a minor in college.
 
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I have an idea for the wall of flesh one
the guide: it is time for you journey to truly begin
terrarian: It's not done I saved the dungeon from a big skeleton.
the guide: that was only a fraction of the moonlord's power.
terrarian: now what
the guide: defeat the master of the underworld
terraria: ok

*in the under world*
terraria for an hour
*building a bridge*
terraria: huh this doll looks like andrew
terrarian: ehh useless
*throws in lava*
wall of flesh slowly rising from lava
terrarian: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhgggggggggggaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhh!
after wall is dead
terrarian: Andrew I beat the wall of flesh
*guide if a pile of ash*
terrarian: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!
*scene of terrarian crying*
*zooms in on a gravestone with a daybloom sprouting from grave*
 
wMODDED_MOONLORD🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑 said:
I have an idea for the wall of flesh one
the guide: it is time for you journey to truly begin
terrarian: It's not done I saved the dungeon from a big skeleton.
the guide: that was only a fraction of the moonlord's power.
terrarian: now what
the guide: defeat the master of the underworld
terraria: ok

*in the under world*
terraria for an hour
*building a bridge*
terraria: huh this doll looks like andrew
terrarian: ehh useless
*throws in lava*
wall of flesh slowly rising from lava
terrarian: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhgggggggggggaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhh!
after wall is dead
terrarian: Andrew I beat the wall of flesh
*guide if a pile of ash*
terrarian: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!
*scene of terrarian crying*
*zooms in on a gravestone with a daybloom sprouting from grave*
Click to expand...
Then there would be 30 minutes of the typical liar reveal story where the player lies about not being the one to kill Andrew until it is revealed to the other NPCs near the end
 
Theory explored in the movie: the Guide is not completely forthcoming with the Terrarian because he feels remorse that he failed against Cthulhu in the past (he did fail, and all dryads died as well as is said in the lore).

So he is afraid that telling the Terrarian the whole truth would stop them from trying to fix things.
 
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