iPhone XD:
The Apple WWDC building ascends from the ground, with a revived Steve Jobs on it. He throws a badly-damaged iPhone circuitboard into the battlefield, and the building sinks back into the ground.
[AG] iPhone XD: 65,000/65,000 HP. Surf: ||. Radiate: ||||. Get Bent: ||||||. Hair of Grief: ||||||||.
Surf: Low damage to an entire faction. 2 turn cooldown.
Radiate: Medium damage to one entity, and ?-turn burn to the entity's entire faction. 4 turn cooldown.
Get Bent: Very high damage to one entity, with low chance of instantly killing a normal entity. 6-turn cooldown.
Hair of Grief: Very high damage to one entity, with a permanent loss of stats to that entity. 8-turn cooldown.
----
The soldier repeatedly headbangs Trashcon 2014 to death. That song is just too good.
The iPhone XD hits Trashcon 2014.
---- Painfurrest 2017 (SO MANY MEMORIES) iPhone XD: 20/20 (+1 Mirror) (Done.)
Antarctic Reinforcement: 36/50
+1 to Catman, +1 to Piono
The Wallbuilder decides that he needs to join the Russian hackers in learning a cool new art, so he can better rig the election! Without having to rely on Putin! Having heard of the ART OF BLOW™, he proceeds to pick up one of the aforementioned HEAVENLY TRUMPETS, and then attempts to BL-
The resulting sound is so horrific, Vermin Supreme's ears asplode. Whoops. The Wallbuilder continues to fiddle with the TRUMPET in an attempt to figure out how to BLOW.
23/50 The Second And The Well In the aftermath, they choose to drown all the secrets of the old world. All it’s gods, all it’s idols, all it’s wealth. That which could not be painted over was fed to it. With each little scrap of paper, each cinnabar relic, each shred of Stone, it grew larger and blacker with secrets. But they could not drown one, and it remains, albeit in disrepair. Speak it's name in worship, and will rise, forgotten. And you will forget.
1/15 INTERLUDE 1: Fish
YOU ARE YOU.
FISH IS FISH.
FISH CAN ROLL.
...RUN?
42/50 Charge (+4 from Battlefury, +4 from Redstonetam)
13/14 New Charge
I crush the enforcer to a pancake, with a Rabbit. But this isn't any ordinary rabbit, oh, no. This lagomorph has been optimized to deal the most damage possible when used as a melee weapon. This is, in essence, a Perfect Rabbit. Do you want to know how it's so optimized to deal so much damage? Because it has so many friends and relations. The sheer press of Perfect Rabbit's Friends and Relations is crushing The Enforcer flat, like a pancake. Hence, I have crushed the enforcer to a pancake, with a Rabbit.
7/10 walz +1 trickle
20/50 Pebbletopia the movie the game
+1 mirror +1 cm
I ask the enforcer if he can give me a copy of all relevant law stuff so i will know what i did wrong in more precise terms and not do it in the future after i respawn.
if the enforcer says yes, then I search ann quiploth for information on items similar to VERY BAD GRIEF SEED. otherwise, if it exists, I search the internet for information on multiversal copywrite laws.
as my action if enforcer says no, I cast several anti-interruption time-bubble-field spells and continue experimentation with VBGS. i scry through timelines to find out how its flame amount can be measured, then blow a very small amount of VBGS flame at nothing, creating that less-corrupt opin flame thing. Time For Experimenting. I provide the flame with an infinite supply of fuel so it won't go out till I'm done [as such, an absolute minimum of VBGS durability-equivalent is used on my experiments] and for each experiment, add an extra piece of fuel and move it away for separate experimenting. I summon up a battlefield-style entity of ~1000 HP, and expose it to this flame, checking its effect on battlefield beings. another fuel piece is fed to the flame and i remove the oxygen around it. will it keep burning? what if i place it in outer space? what effects does opin flame have on matter in general? I create a mindless human body and light it on opin flame,then create another me which i inhabit, setting it on fire as well, and see if there are differences between human (mindless) and human (descendant). I then test its responces to timeslowing, and water.
thats all that comes to mind RN
+1 @pionoplayer I find Project Sneksus interesting. Not totally sure what's going on with it right now, but I'll help once shielding and protecting is a thing again.
+1 @crystalcat
Well, first things first. I've got to get more stronger. I need to make myself fat with sweet, sweet power to kill all these bosses! I hire multiple assistants with my own money, and dispatch them around the world to various arcane ruins/libraries/towns/wells to search them all for any secret, forbidden ways to gain power for myself and grow stronger!
10/10 repourpos- janitorization (probably +1 from mirror 2x?)
I decide to get a job so I can earn A LOT OF MONEY... or at least ENOUGH MONEY to PAY OFF the ENFORCER.
I don't have any karma, so I would work as a janitor, but my INTType923 stat isn't high enough, so I take a loan and go to university number 923. after a year or two couple of days, I'm smart enough to be a janitor. I have also learned everything there is to know about 12th century nitting patterns, but then i forgot it because it doesn't seem useful. this is so going to come back to bite me.
regardless, I start my job as a janitor, after negotiating a term where i get +100 $ each time i clean up a chemical spill that shouldn't exist, based on the company's current organization. in a stroke of luck, the next day the company reorganizes to a chemical research plant.
intent- create a certificate of janitor knowledge. to put it another way, the ability to have one action each round be able to give me money via me, well, working as a janitor. janitoring is a job. if i can't do that, I guess I make a gold mine which'll give me money, in the form of gold, as long as it lives.
new: 1/? something.
21/50 Pebbletopia the movie the game
+1 mirror +1 trickle
I sweep up the floor in the company that hired me two seconds ago.
maybe there'll even be a chemical spill to clean up. who knows.
I don't know what the is going on here, but I kill the vermin.
Before you're able to yell out HezeCrusher Fallacy, I stuff your face full of innuendos and now you can't talk without the TCF moderators chasing you and obliterating you to smithereens.
You can't type either, because I sliced off your fingers and put them in a pecan pie.
Scrumptious.
Vermin Supreme looks at yo - OH GOD MY FINGERS. WHAT. HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP NO I MADE MYSELF COMPLETE AND UTTERLY INVULNERABLE GODMODDER STYLE WHY WHY WHY WHY
5/10 walz +1 trickle +1 mrmirir mn
19/50 Pebbletopia the movie the game
+1 trickle +1 mirror [only so many people at once :| ]
i attack a fractal , bursting towards them in sudden rage and drawing searing white energy from lilith, which encloaks my hands, before thrusting my hands into it and tearing parts away, while the disembodied head of kernal sanders sings Eeeeh-vry thing you know is wrong left is right up is down and short is long and everything you used to think was so important doesn't really matter anymore because... every-thing you know is wrong just forget the wor-
I proceed to evascirate the head too because its annoying, and make sure A Fractal is D e a d. with a S.
S meaning spoil.
because hopefully it drops one.
entity actions:
horse thing & shadow horse thing attack the enforcer if he plans to kill my entitys, else attack vermin supreme and a random AG entity, respectively.
air elementalist respawns and uses air aid on sneksus unless it is still in pit, in which case it tries to heal the earth elementalist.
earth elementalist uses earth plant with the plant elementalist.
golem builds up mud pile. again.
2/2[N] I attack A Fractal by lassoing him, dragging him all along the battle field, using them as a shield for every attack this turn, and slam them into a pit full of fractals, very sharp fractals. Also, I don't understand how the picture broke, his fabulousness should have made it indestructible.
9/50 Something +1 from JOE
9/50 Pointless? +1 from catman
+1 JOE +1 CM
You throw A Fractal around with a lasso! 16,000 damage. The Godmodder is inclined to agree, and decides to test A Fractal out, by introducing his own fabulousness, directly to A Fractal's face!
The Wallbuilder breathes a bit too hard on A Fractal. It promptly implodes.
22/50 The Second And The Well In the aftermath, they choose to drown all the secrets of the old world. All it’s gods, all it’s idols, all it’s wealth. That which could not be painted over was fed to it. With each little scrap of paper, each cinnabar relic, each shred of Stone, it grew larger and blacker with secrets. But they could not drown one, and it remains, albeit in disrepair. Speak it's name in worship, and will rise, forgotten. And you will forget.
35/35 The First and The Refiners
Trumpets roar in the heavens, as a gate descends. Six cursed seals lie upon the gate, each one holding a lesser horror. Together, they all bind something greater. And suddenly, one of them shatters. A forcefield unseen vanishes, and suddenly, the sky is filled with pink light, and then, in an instant, it is consumed by pink fire. The sky is now pink, and though patches of blue remain, they are slowly erased. Pharon (the local Yharon ripoff), descends, consumed by pink flame. With a spew of flame, the ground is wrapped, twisted, repainted. Though flaws remain, the Refiner's Fire will be triumphant
PASSIVE: THE FIRST: With each strike, slowly erase an entity’s stats and rewrite them. Progress is tracked by a status called “Repainting”, which increases by 10% per strike. The paint can be, ah, “peeled”, and there will be flaws, but that will not delay the flame’s triumph over the world.
ATTACK: FLAMENADO: Spawn three flamenados. When entities attack Pharon, they have a 5% chance per flamenado of running into one.
ATTACK: Refineral Inferno: Target three entities, and inflict burn.
PASSIVE: FIREY MASS: Heals from all fire-related attacks and debuffs.
CHARGE: THE FLAME: Deal a large amount of damage to, and increase repainting progress by 50%, for one entity. 5 turns.
CHARGE: ASCENDANT: Die instantly, but repaint 4 entities. 8 turns.
As you BLOW on A Fractal, the Godmodder collides directly with it! The blowing of the air (shudder) and the sheer fabulousness of the Godmodder force you both to work together, and do a Jojoesque act, limbs contorting. You work back to back, Monolithium becoming the stage to your act, the Refiner's Fire becoming your light, before you finish your pose, MirrorMan swinging into the centre. A Fractal explodes into giblets upon the spot.
Now that it is, indeed, a thing, the first wave of the Legion of Time steps forth from the Gates!
25 Warriors
16 Archers (8 of each)
8 Gunners
6 Casters See previous, edited, post for more details!
They stand ready, waiting for their first command.
Catman8274: If you think this is crazy, just wait until my next summon!
The head of A Fractal, hit by the S, flies towards Catman8274. He promptly smacks it with his sword, as though the head were a baseball. It flies off of the blade and out of the ruins like... well, a baseball!
Rapture's Pyramidion: Take a good look! You won't see it for long!
13/50 [E] Scourge of the Universe (+1 from TrickleJest, +1 from MrMirrorMan)
1/?? [?] An Unknown Charge
iPhone XD:
The Apple WWDC building ascends from the ground, with a revived Steve Jobs on it. He throws a badly-damaged iPhone circuitboard into the battlefield, and the building sinks back into the ground.
[AG] iPhone XD: 65,000/65,000 HP. Surf: ||. Radiate: ||||. Get Bent: ||||||. Hair of Grief: ||||||||.
Surf: Low damage to an entire faction. 2 turn cooldown.
Radiate: Medium damage to one entity, and ?-turn burn to the entity's entire faction. 4 turn cooldown.
Get Bent: Very high damage to one entity, with low chance of instantly killing a normal entity. 6-turn cooldown.
Hair of Grief: Very high damage to one entity, with a permanent loss of stats to that entity. 8-turn cooldown.
----
The soldier repeatedly headbangs Trashcon 2014 to death. That song is just too good.
The iPhone XD hits Trashcon 2014.
---- Painfurrest 2017 (SO MANY MEMORIES) iPhone XD: 20/20 (+1 Mirror) (Done.)
Antarctic Reinforcement: 36/50
+1 to Catman, +1 to Piono
The Wallbuilder decides that he needs to join the Russian hackers in learning a cool new art, so he can better rig the election! Without having to rely on Putin! Having heard of the ART OF BLOW™, he proceeds to pick up one of the aforementioned HEAVENLY TRUMPETS, and then attempts to BL-
The resulting sound is so horrific, Vermin Supreme's ears asplode. Whoops. The Wallbuilder continues to fiddle with the TRUMPET in an attempt to figure out how to BLOW.
23/50 The Second And The Well In the aftermath, they choose to drown all the secrets of the old world. All it’s gods, all it’s idols, all it’s wealth. That which could not be painted over was fed to it. With each little scrap of paper, each cinnabar relic, each shred of Stone, it grew larger and blacker with secrets. But they could not drown one, and it remains, albeit in disrepair. Speak it's name in worship, and will rise, forgotten. And you will forget.
1/15 INTERLUDE 1: Fish
YOU ARE YOU.
FISH IS REINA.
FISH CAN BLOW.
...RUN?
42/50 Charge (+4 from Battlefury, +4 from Redstonetam)
13/14 New Charge
I crush the enforcer to a pancake, with a Rabbit. But this isn't any ordinary rabbit, oh, no. This lagomorph has been optimized to deal the most damage possible when used as a melee weapon. This is, in essence, a Perfect Rabbit. Do you want to know how it's so optimized to deal so much damage? Because it has so many friends and relations. The sheer press of Perfect Rabbit's Friends and Relations is crushing The Enforcer flat, like a pancake. Hence, I have crushed the enforcer to a pancake, with a Rabbit.
7/10 walz +1 trickle
20/50 Pebbletopia the movie the game
+1 mirror +1 cm
I ask the enforcer if he can give me a copy of all relevant law stuff so i will know what i did wrong in more precise terms and not do it in the future after i respawn.
if the enforcer says yes, then I search ann quiploth for information on items similar to VERY BAD GRIEF SEED. otherwise, if it exists, I search the internet for information on multiversal copywrite laws.
as my action if enforcer says no, I cast several anti-interruption time-bubble-field spells and continue experimentation with VBGS. i scry through timelines to find out how its flame amount can be measured, then blow a very small amount of VBGS flame at nothing, creating that less-corrupt opin flame thing. Time For Experimenting. I provide the flame with an infinite supply of fuel so it won't go out till I'm done [as such, an absolute minimum of VBGS durability-equivalent is used on my experiments] and for each experiment, add an extra piece of fuel and move it away for separate experimenting. I summon up a battlefield-style entity of ~1000 HP, and expose it to this flame, checking its effect on battlefield beings. another fuel piece is fed to the flame and i remove the oxygen around it. will it keep burning? what if i place it in outer space? what effects does opin flame have on matter in general? I create a mindless human body and light it on opin flame,then create another me which i inhabit, setting it on fire as well, and see if there are differences between human (mindless) and human (descendant). I then test its responces to timeslowing, and water.
thats all that comes to mind RN
You can't search Ann Quiploth. You search the internet for information on multiversal copywrite laws. You find this link. I don't really have time for experimenting, so you scry through timelines! Do you know what scrying through timelines instead of having the prime iteration of you do something is? Avoiding consequences? Do you know what happens to people who avoid consequences?
Well, did you know that those timelines didn't exist until you thought of them? Think of the Opin flame you used up, the stars in the sky you burnt down and sent into meteors onto the server you damned, the homunculus you sent into a demented half-life, the generic and thoughtless entity that combusted into conceptual essence, before attempting to consume you, and the Wallbuilder that you sent into hell! All of those atrocities, created via thought into reality experiments, because things don't truly exist until you write them in, all because of you! Look at that random dog, crawling out of the wormhole into reality you ripped, wait, psyche, that dog actually one of the two descendant that you experimented on, and where is the other... oh... oh... oh... it's a fusion!
Unsirius summoned. It appears that Descendants have slightly less mutable forms than baseline humans, and a semi-stable conceptual identity, making permanent effect nigh impossible.
+1 @pionoplayer I find Project Sneksus interesting. Not totally sure what's going on with it right now, but I'll help once shielding and protecting is a thing again.
+1 @crystalcat
Well, first things first. I've got to get more stronger. I need to make myself fat with sweet, sweet power to kill all these bosses! I hire multiple assistants with my own money, and dispatch them around the world to various arcane ruins/libraries/towns/wells to search them all for any secret, forbidden ways to gain power for myself and grow stronger!
You use A LOT OF MONEY to buy assistants! They come back with a bunch of tasty food from the void, which you consume immediately! You become stronger, and ripped, and ready to kill bosses!
10/10 repourpos- janitorization (probably +1 from mirror 2x?)
I decide to get a job so I can earn A LOT OF MONEY... or at least ENOUGH MONEY to PAY OFF the ENFORCER.
I don't have any karma, so I would work as a janitor, but my INTType923 stat isn't high enough, so I take a loan and go to university number 923. after a year or two couple of days, I'm smart enough to be a janitor. I have also learned everything there is to know about 12th century nitting patterns, but then i forgot it because it doesn't seem useful. this is so going to come back to bite me.
regardless, I start my job as a janitor, after negotiating a term where i get +100 $ each time i clean up a chemical spill that shouldn't exist, based on the company's current organization. in a stroke of luck, the next day the company reorganizes to a chemical research plant.
intent- create a certificate of janitor knowledge. to put it another way, the ability to have one action each round be able to give me money via me, well, working as a janitor. janitoring is a job. if i can't do that, I guess I make a gold mine which'll give me money, in the form of gold, as long as it lives.
new: 1/? something.
21/50 Pebbletopia the movie the game
+1 mirror +1 trickle
I sweep up the floor in the company that hired me two seconds ago.
maybe there'll even be a chemical spill to clean up. who knows.
$100? Each time you clean up a chemical spill that should not exist? It's just a chemical spill, and you get paid once per hour, for $0.71! That's tiny compared to the America Minimum Wage, yes, and I'm not sure your employer cares. Also, you're in crippling student loan, which is probably a problem. Go work for a few decades, and pay off that student loan, so you can become RICH and STRONG, just like the Godmodder!
The Enforcer waves his energy sword about, and stares at Unsirius. So, you're telling him that this guy can read his notebook, despite me not writing about it in the Update Terminal, that he creates entire timelines to experiment with out of not even knowledge lust, but recklessness, and that he experiments on his fellow players, possibly with permission. Unsirius metamorphs into a human, and nods. The Anti-Godmodders are ready to kill them both due to the [H] next to their names, when all of the sudden, the Black Monolith... starts to move.
[] IT APPEARS THAT YOU HAVE KILLED MY GUARDIAN, AND REACHED MY CHAMBER. IF YOU CAN DESTROY THE SEAL PLACED UPON ME, AND DISCOVER MY SECRETS, I WILL GRANT YOU ONE WISH.
[] The Black Monolith: Infinity Seal: 5/5 HP.
You rush forth. The Godmodder steps in, and taps it.
[] The Black Monolith: Infinity Seal: 0/5 HP.
[] The Black Monolith: HP: 1,000,000/1,000,000.
The Godmodder steps in some more, and hits it with his hammer.
[] The Black Monolith: HP: 0/1,000,000.
[] WOW, THAT IS CLEARLY CHEATING. GODMODDER: Whose server are you in? [] MY OWN, ACTUALLY. GODMODDER: That doesn't sound like you granting me a wish. [] YES IT DOES. NOW, LET THE PLAYERS FACE THIS CHALLENGE. GODMODDER: no srew yo
The Godmodder swings his banhammer into the Monolith's surface again, cracking it in half, and then into pieces, and then cracking it so hard that it comes out uncracked.
[] ok fine mr. "i just took 6 damage but am too shamed to say anything"
[] WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR? GODMODDER: As everyone here knows, not only do I have to adhere to a script that makes me wish for this, nobody is as cool as me. GODMODDER: I wish for myself.
The Monolith whirs, flies into the purple skies, explodes into a blast of pink flame, and rips open time. All of you find yourself transfixed for a few seconds, before noticing that there's two more Godmodders, standing back to back! The MirrorMan-Wallbuilder-Godmodder pose combo stare at the Godmodder-Godmodder combo, before MirrorMan and the Wallbuilder collapse in fear and dread at facing two Godmodders at once. ALPHA: Salutations, past-past myself and past-alternate reality myself. I suppose that you've called me here to dispose of the local Anti-Godmodders. The Bad God Man say Hello I am GMed by someone with a heavily broken keyboard please help me GODMODDER: whops we're running out of update time GODMODDER: Anyway! GODMODDER: You, their faces, rub them into the dirt, until they die in various fashions and give up on playing Minceraft, even if they literally can't quit! ALPHA: So, you're telling me that I have to waste my time on this. GODMODDER: Basically. ALPHA: Woo, nine hundred million and one people on the kill-list. GODMODDER: rude GODMODDER: Anyway, Anti-Godmodders, these guys are iterations of myself from this wonderful thing called the Glitch! Deal 3 damage to both of them (because they're poor people without any money to pay off reality from letting them get hit), and they'll go back home! GODMODDER: Sorry, I wouldn't have spilled that, but Dungkaka forced me to.
Dungkaka [???] HP: 8/10. Thinks that there's way too many entities on the Battlefield. Weapon: Corruption's Guardian. Form: Game-Mastery. The Scripture: II. The Law: IIIII.
Trashcon 2014 [???] HP: 10,000/20,000. Belongs to Bomber57. Get In The Pit: II.
The Enforcer [H] HP: 209,000/300,000. EQUIPPED: PULSAR OF THE ARBITER. [10].
Unsirius [H] HP: 4/4. Authority: III.
Project Sneksus [AG] HP: 232,000/250,000. In the Pit.Rounds: 9. Neckst Snek: Power Snek [10 Rounds].
Garden Snek. HP: 1,000/1,000 (x5). +2 per turn.
Poison Snek: HP: 2,000/2,000. (x6). +1 per turn.
Lesser Snek: HP: 4,000/4,000. (x2). +1 per two turns.
Speedy Snek: HP: 3,000/3,000. (x2). Named Agle. Agile. +1 per two turns.
Armour Snek: HP: 10,000/10,000. (x1). Spawning: III.
Spy [AG] HP: 17,000/25,000. Undisguised.
Death [AG] HP: 20,000/20,000. Belongs to _. To Those Who Ask For It: II.
Wraith [AG] HP: 20,000/20,000 (x4). Lethe: II.
Oleg Nikolaenko [AG] HP: 50,000/50,000. Owns Mega-D. Can or Can't?: III.
Pharon [AG] HP: 140,000/140,000. Repaints! The Flame: IIIII. Ascendant: IIIIIIII.
Legion of Time [AG] Gates (x2). Warriors: HP: 500/500 (25). Archers: HP: 500/500 (x16). Gunners: HP: 500/500 (x8). Casters: HP: 500/500 (x6).
iPhone XD [AG] HP: 65,000/65,000. Surf: II. Radiate: IIII. Get Bent: IIIIII. Hair of Grief: IIIIII.
Earth Elementalist [N] HP: 10,000/20,000 (x4). Great Wall: 15,000/15,000 HP. Skywalled! Skywall reinforced! Shielded! Earth Energy: 25/100, +10 per turn. Earth Wall [x]. Earth Plant [20]. Meteor [10]. Golem: III.
Golem [N] HP: 12,000/12,000. Mud Pile: 2,000. +1,000 per turn.
Air Elementalist [N] HP: 0/10,000 (x3). Skywalled! Skywall reinforced! Shielded! Air Energy: 120/200, +20 per turn. Air Push [15]. Air Plant [50]. Air Aid [80]. Whirlwind [100]. Airdash: IIII [OFF].
Plant Elementalist [N] HP: 15,000/15,000 (x3). Life Seed: II [45] [COMBO]. Rerespawn: IIIIII. Plant Energy: 15/150. +15 per turn. Plant Armour [20]. Leech Seed [20]. Enshroud [20]. Earth Plant [COMBO] [15]. Air Planet [COMBO] [15].
Horse Thing [N] HP: 20,000/20,000. Skywalled! Skywall reinforced! Belongs to JOE. Raohorse: II.
Shadow-Horse Thing [N] HP: 15,000/15,000. Lesser Raohorse: II.
Bill Cipher [N] True HP: ???. Physical HP: 60,000/60,000. +8,000 HP. Vulnerable within the Mindscape!
Rikoriko x WARE [N] HP: 70,000/70,000. Trapped in the Trashcon convention. WAAA. Memoirs: RE. DS. CS. SL. A Bad Idea: I. The Dome: 50 / 50.
Total Holiness Ender [PG] HP: 250,000/250,000. Unholiness. He's Back: III. The Read Dragon: IIIII.
Nanashi [PG] HP: 250,000/250,000. Nameless. Apocalypse: III.
Alpha [GM] HP: 15/100.
Godmodder Prime GM-squared EIGHT out of ONE HUNDRED HP
A Marginally Better Area.
Vermin Supreme [PG] HP: 370,000/400,000. Boxed. Ouroboros! Sigil of Orobas! Rats vs. Aleister!: II! Lies For Less!: IIIII!
The Godmodder [GM] HP: 103/125. Space Jam, Space Slam: III.
I put the pecan pie in a jar, the jar in a box, the box in a safe, the safe in a barrel, the barrel in a crate, the crate in a cage, the cage in a life-sized replica of Nicholas Cage, the life-sized replica of Nicholas Cage in Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank, Arnold's Schwarzenegger's tank in all of North Korea's vast assortment of nuclear weaponry, North Korea's vast assortment of nuclear weaponry into a cat-shaped robot that only barks, the cat-shaped robot that only barks into every internet meme ever made, every internet meme ever made into a pile of thousands of cuboids with DTG attacks printed on each side, the pile of thousands of cuboid with DTG attacks printed on each side into my internet search history and my internet search history into batter, baking yet another gigantic pie now with everything I have mentioned as the stuffing.
I place said pie in a gigantic tower on the last floor, where its utter grotesqueness powers a nearby city using a "bad taste -> energy" generator that Donald Duck apparently created. The tower has no exits, so everyone in it is trapped for life. Every day the prisoners scale up the tower and reach the floor of the pie where they pray to it every day and wish to exit. Consequently, I walk in and allow one prisoner to exit at a time, choosing randomly. I lead the prisoner to my special office and sit them down. Little do they know that after choosing someone to release I roll a D100 which determines their fate. If it lands on anything but 1 I vivisect the prisoner. If it does land on 1, I then proceed to flush the toilet in my bathroom and if nothing happens, I drown the prisoner. If the toilet floods then I proceed to stab the prisoner with a rusty butter knife, so none of it really mattered anyway.
The corpse of said prisoners are stacked up all the way to heaven, where God comes down said stacks of dead bodies every single night all the way down from heaven at 3am to record "3am Fidget Spinner videos" in my special office. That's how he gains revenue, through little gullible kiddos who believe that spinning a product (actually a ploy made by the sneople to make us obey every command) at 3am actually does something. Note - it doesn't do anything. God also sometimes records "3am Slime videos" but people are less interested in slime nowadays. Thankfully, he lets me use all his leftover slime which I use to bribe Hades, Satan's servant, allowing me to reach the underworld fairly quickly. At about 5am I usually reach Satan's castle to watch reruns of his show, Hell's Kitchen (Satan is really just Gordon Ramsay) and we have a good laugh while his slaves cook us lasagna.
The prisoners of my building, or as I call it the Terribly Torturous Trump Tower (as it was a project by both me and the late Tronald Dump, "Trump" is simply the first two letters of his first name and the last four of his last name) live pretty good lives aside from all the murder. There are about ten million people there and they all have jacuzzis and robot servants. I wonder why they want to escape, but I guess they're just ungrateful little es. The last floor is just large enough to house all ten million people when praying to the pie, and it has a smaller compartment out back (my special office). The other floors are considerably smaller but they're definitely large enough for the prisoners to lead good lives.
There are ten thousand floors in the tower all together including one basement where we research quantum-proto-mumbo-jumbo weapons. There's a massive elevator allowing the citizens to go up and down as they wish, but most have to climb up the stairs anyway because the elevator can't hold all of them at the same time. There are multiple malls and stores built into the tower, there are parks and all that. Really, the only challenging thing the citizens have to do is go up and down, albeit their legs are so beefy at this point that I doubt they really mind. Sometimes Satan asks me to take in some of his demons because the underworld is quite overcrowded but I doubt the humans in the tower will like this sudden and drastic change.
There's also a massive statue of me on every floor, if you boop my nose thrice then the statue springs to life and shoves you in its mouth, which is actually a portal to the VIP fun room. The rest of the people have to be memory wiped afterwards and its sort of an annoyance so I usually use the statue in my special office. The VIP room actually stands for Vermin Incineration Project (it's the underground room I mentioned prior) where we research weapons to destroy that massive PG vermin. Or any other PG entity, really, because they're all vermin. The prisoners of my tower were actually normal folk before I trapped them all there. Now there's nobody else around.
It's hard for me to detail this because of stupid reasons but here's what one guy said somewhere. It was before I trapped them all there, so some things might not make sense, but it happened. "We learned in history books a while back about the Bloodstained. There were several statues erected in his honor near our school, albeit it seems rather odd to build statues of someone who still lives and plans on living forever. Nobody really knows how he accomplished it, but DNA tests proved that by three years ago every single person is somehow related to him, if only a bit. Well, nobody really knows how he accomplished it, like I said, but everyone knows what his plans were. The Bloodstained was first born as a man living in Michigan, Thomas Anderson, a millionaire. He gained money with his shocking scientific experiments; Anderson was the real life equivalent of the Crazy Scientist trope. Good at loopholes too, he managed to validate every single messed up experiment as legal in front of the court. Some say he has an expert lawyer helping him from the back, others say he was simply a genius. Anderson soon became the richest man on Earth, discovering breakthroughs at breakneck speed.
He was obsessed with being the common ancestor of every single person on Earth, so what he did is he created thousands upon thousands of androids capable of birthing as many children as possible and fueled them with some of his DNA. The results were drastically different from each other, although they were all related to Anderson. He perfected the androids to create specific children with superhuman speed, intellect, strength and most of all - a charming attitude. They all could live until 150 and all of their genes were dominant, allowing them to breed but have their children still retain their superhuman qualities. Anderson raised them until they were all 21, they helped him around and could actually get jobs and feed themselves at 6 years old. Once they were all ready, he equipped them with parachutes, plopped them down into cannons and sent them into random parts of the world, knowing they would obviously survive. It wasn't illegal based on the current law, as they were technically all majors and they agreed to it.
Once they were there, their charming attitudes allowed them to breed. Yes, some bred with each other if they were sent to similar locations. Nevertheless, Anderson managed to refine their DNA allowing inter-bred children not to be sick or mutated at birth. After hundreds of years, every single person was a superhuman which meant they were all related to Anderson. He realized that he couldn't live forever, consequently putting his brain into a robotic body thus creating the Bloodstained. He made sure that his blood still flowed and pumped from his mechanical heart, to make sure that every single person would know that they were directly related to him. People didn't mind - these superbloods as others called them were very charming people, enough to make them likeable and not be viewed as outcasts. And nowadays, well, everyone’s a superblood."
It's funny because I altered their memory. My name never really was Thomas and that entire backstory was fabricated, but people sure are gullible. I tried taking over other planets at one point but the citizens of Uranus were too ty to be enslaved. Eh? Get the joke? I know lots of jokes! I'm great at them! Okay, why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to escape my tower and then I zapped it with a ray gun and turned it into buffalo wings, eating it right in front of the chicken's family before vicariously licking my fingers and smacking my lips. You probably realized that "vicariously" wasn't the correct word there, the correct word would be something like passionately, per se. You might not have known vicariously was a word at all, and sometime in the future you would learn of it and think "hey, this guy used it incorrectly!". Of course, that would only commence if I didn't point it out.
Luckily, I pointed it out. I also point out that you are reading something that makes absolutely no sense and never will make any sense and you are only continuing to waste your time with these shenanigans. I should actually be dopping my own game now, but I'm not, and you're still reading this. I won't tell you to stop reading this as that would be pointless and would only make you want to read this more, but now that I told that - stop reading this. That might be reverse psychology, or double reverse, triple, quadruple, quintuple all the way up to vigintuple. It might be more than vigintuple, who knows, but I'm willing to bet it isn't as that would be asinine. Have you noticed that asinine sounds like assassin?
You haven't. You'd have to be an idiot to think that, and I am the only idiot here. Asssassin is a stupid word, but that's because it isn't a word at all. Assassin is a word, but as I used it - "asssassin", with three letter s's, isn't a word. I even used it the first time around and you didn't notice. That was a lie. You probably checked and realized I was lying, but at this point it's not like it matters anyway because you're reminded of those dumb YouTube comments that think they're being smart by claiming that you will do X or you will do Y, and when you actually do X or Y you dislike it in frustration and close the
video. Or maybe you weren't reminded of it at all, who am I to know? Definitely not you. You're the only one who knows and you're the only one who is in power.
Or maybe I'm just telling you that to reassure you and maybe the sneople are in power all along. But what kind of secret is that? Everyone knows the sneople are in control. They also control my tower, because I'm a snerson myself and since I control it I can freely state that "sneople are controlling my tower" and it will not be a lie. Actually, it would be a lie, because I'm not a snerson at all. Okay, mind games are dumb, we should play games that aren't mind games. What other games can we play? Okay, let's see... we have video games, board games, or maybe internet games. There are forum games we can play online.
We can roleplay on SpaceBattles or SufficientVelocity, maybe we could talk about Terraria? The Terraria Community Forums are nice, you think, so you go there and you enter the Forum Games section. Man, these DTG games are popping up everywhere. Let's see... Hm, this Acolyte thing looks cool but it isn't ready yet. Destroy Lord English looks promising but it seems to have a community of its own, maybe you need something more fresh? That definitely rules off DTG: Terraria, that's been going on for 200+ pages. Yeesh. DTG: Operatorrrrrrr? Hey, that looks new. Only 20 pages or so, maybe this is your game. Literally. It's your game. You're GMing it. Why did you consider playing the game you're GMing? What is wrong with you? You consider taking a break from reading this terrible post (turn to page 2) or You consider to stop reading this all together (turn to page 2).
This isn't a choose your own adventure. Why you decided to turn to a nonexistent Page 2 is beyond me. It wouldn't have mattered either way, both paths urge you to Page 2 anyway. What a ty choose your own adventure. Except that it isn't a choose your own adventure.
You finally decide to stop reading this (close the tab and drink a glass of water, ).
Or not.
Hey, do you want more of that insanity from earlier? I tip over the entire tower and the entire attack on the vermin. (If the vermin is dead, the tower + attack tips over on other PG/N entities).
2/2[N] I point to what is above me, and ask what the f### this is. . . before using the shear confusion everyone first felt as a weapon to distract The Enforcer. Also, I aprove of the Jojoality.
13/50 Something +1 from Trickle
12/50 Pointless?
+1 JOE +1 Trickle
Catman8274, Rapture's Pyramidion, the Legion of Time, and Starlight all stare at TrickleJest with what can only be described as the purest of unbridled disapproval.
18/50 [E] Scourge of the Universe (+1 from JOEbob, Cyanogynist, and MrMirrorMan)
Catman8274, Rapture's Pyramidion, the Legion of Time, and Starlight all stare at TrickleJest with what can only be described as the purest of unbridled disapproval.
18/50 [E] Scourge of the Universe (+1 from JOEbob, Cyanogynist, and MrMirrorMan)
TrickleJest, TrickleJest, TrickleJest and TrickleJest all stare at Catman8274 and wonder why he disapproves, before wondering why they even give a crap in the first place.
The soldier forces Alpha to play FATAL.
----
MCRX: 1/50 So, how was your one-day emo phase?
Antarctic Reinforcement: 37/50 13/4.
+1 to Catman, +1 to Piono
Catman8274: Guys, maybe we shouldn't be attacking Dungkaka, just yet. I mean, he hasn't proved to be a threat quite yet, has he?
Catman8274 shrugs and takes out a newspaper.
Catman8274: I mean, if you want to, I won't stop you. Just be aware that could potentially be making a big mistake here. Catman8274 keeps his mind sharp by solving the Sudoku puzzle that is present in the newspaper.
20/50 [E] Scourge of the Universe (+1 from Cyanogynist)
I apologise for the break in updates, but things related to DTG have came up, and I needed some time to think. Update will complete tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.
The Wallbuilder continues to attempt to learn the art of BLOW. He decides, that, clearly. he simply needs to provide more air! And since smaller instruments are usually louder, he decides to use only the mouth piece of the trumpet to make his BLOW as loud and glorious as possible. In the meanwhile, he simply bribes reality into giving him the maximum level of lung capacity, and then attempt to BLOW once more, much to the intense agony of ALPHA's ears. But before that, he bribes reality once more into allowing for any sound made by him to chew though earbuds. Of course, his TREMENDOUS LUNG CAPACITY combined with the noise proceeds to chew though any Earbuds alpha happens to have.
Did i mention his sound is still absolutely terrible?
And it's probably not any better since he is using the mouthpiece for this alone?
Pharon will target the Enforcer.
25/50 The Second And The Well +1 from DCCCV. In the aftermath, they choose to drown all the secrets of the old world. All it’s gods, all it’s idols, all it’s wealth. That which could not be painted over was fed to it. With each little scrap of paper, each cinnabar relic, each shred of Stone, it grew larger and blacker with secrets. But they could not drown one, and it remains, albeit in disrepair. Speak it's name in worship, and will rise, forgotten. And you will forget.
2/15 INTERLUDE 1: Fish
YOU ARE YOU.
FISH IS FISHEYES.
FISH CAN SEE.
RUN.
At any rate, I proceed to use my new BIG STRONG MUSCLES to pick up Godmodder Prime and place him in a trash can. He's poor. A trash can is the place where poor people live.
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is going on here, but I kill the vermin.
