Absorb The Non-Issue

[Ivyss]

By killing me before anything further happens.

I run into a spike face first.

 

[Yello_X]

I saved your life by throwing myself in between
I hang ma clothes

 

[Ivyss]

I hang myself on them.

I make a questionable joke.

 

[Parasy]

I am so offended I scream.. but my lungs disappear midscream.

I make a harmless joke.

 

[Ivyss]

The guy with the gun laughs so hard he shoots me.

I sit.

 

[Malfestio]

And you watch me get hit by a car

I use a stapler

 

[Ivyss]

But why on my face?

I break physics.

 

[Parasy]

It was physically impossible for me to suddenly turn into a bottle filled with dangerous nitroglycerin, but I now can. I do that and blow up.

I heal the next poster.

 

[Ivyss]

Turns out I'm undead (could explain how I survived all those deaths.), it causes damage instead.

I sleep.

 

[Parasy]

You sleepwalk and knock over a vase that kills me.

I play some music.

 

[Ivyss]

You do it so loud it breaks me.

I watch a video.

 

[Parasy]

I go blind because it's a Dragon Ball video and end up panicking and walking into a pit.

I go on Reddit.

 

[Malfestio]

You happen to stumble upon a video of me dying.

I go get the mail.

 

[Ivyss]

You happen to stumble upon a video of me dying.

I know wicwh subreddit that would be on.
And now, the post.

Someone mailed you my head.

I charge a device.

 

[Parasy]

It's a Parasy Killing Device ! It kills me.

I type something.

 

[Ivyss]

It's code for a device to kill me.

I put a spike on a shield.

 

[Parasy]

I run right into it.

I revive the next poster.

 

[Ivyss]

But for that to work I have to be dead, so you kill me first, and then fail at resurrection.

I make a reference to Dead cells.

 

[Parasy]

My head blows up. I don't get it.

I scrub all the floors in Hyrule.

 

[Ivyss]

I don't get it.

Yeah, you clearly didn't.
And now my post.
Why does everyone like to use my blood for things when there's clearly better alternatives?

I waste my time.