Make someone absorb the non-issue!

Cubic.

Cubic.

The Destroyer
This is pretty much a PVP version of Absorb the Non-Issue. You have to make the person above die to what they are doing, then challenge the next poster to have you die to what you are doing. Because someone else has to make you die, you cannot say "I died," or something similar to "I committed suicide." That would cause a paradox anyway.

Here is an example:

1: I am cuddling my dog.
2: I take you by suprise and Meowmere you upside the head.
2: I am playing my iPad.
3: It falls on your face and shatters, leaving you bloody and dying.
3: I take my melatonin pill.

To start, find a way for me to die because I took a melatonin pill.
 
It's too powerful and you go insane and get killed by police.

I heal myself. (Fun fact: I have managed to die from this in a game.)
 
(What game is it? I assume it's Fortnite because that's the only game where I died from healing)

While you are trying to med yourself, someone gets the jump on you.

I take someone captive and use them as a teddy bear.
 
(Divinity: original sin 2, decaying debuff makes it so if you get healed it instead causes damage equivalent to how much you'd heal. I don't even play fortnite.)
You chose a spikey ball.

I go on the Internet.
 
The weapon is an Uranium rod full of radiation that kills you cuz of radiation poisoning

A dog took your command.png
 
It ate your ability to breathe, you died from lack of oxygen in your system.

I welcome you to paradise.
 
It's so awkward that who you do it to kills you. (You're supposed to get the one doing the thing killed.)

I'm immortal.
 
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