Absorb The Non-Issue

The cat doesn't like it and claws apart my throat.

My throat is clawed apart by a cat.
 
I see your throat get clawed apart and die of a heart attack.


I put away a book.
 
This causes the bookcase to fall over, on me, crushing me.

I get crushed by a bookcase falling on me.
 
The book case was attached to the wall, so when it falls over it takes the wall with it, causing the entire building to collapse and crush me.


I lock a door.
 
Preventing me from getting to safety.

I feel hungry.
 
So you decide to eat me.


I get eaten by a dragon.
 
So people kill me, on account of me being a dragon.

I get killed for being a dragon.
 
I get killed for supporting dragons.


I hang a picture on the wall.
 
The wall was so thin the nail went through it, right into my eye.

I get a nail in my eye.
 
I question how your eye was close enough to the wall for a nail to go in it, and then get killed for asking to many questions.


I pet a dragon.
 
As it turns out said dragon doesn't like being pet, and decides to kill anyone who saw that, including me.

I get killed for something I didn't do.
 
I try to point out you didn't do it, and then get killed for telling people that.


I search up old posts on the forums.
 
You find things my old posts and show them to me. I die of embarrassment.

I feel slightly tired.
 
I give you a cup of coffee to keep you awake. You don't like it and kill me for giving you a bad cup of coffee.


I question life.
 
I question it as well and come to the conclusion that I'm better off with it and kill myself.

I kill myself after questioning life.
 
I see you commit suicide, and then kill myself as well for not being able to stop you from doing it.


I blow up a bridge.
 
Not a good time for me to be on that bridge.

I can't be bothered to get off my bed.
 
So you decide to just lie down while I bleed out on the floor next to you.


Timezones...
 
The title says non-issue, that's very clearly an issue.

I think I might smell food.
 
It was my food, you steal it, and I starve to death.


I step one meter in my own house.
 
Back
Top Bottom