((super fire orb)) AND zero point magic generator 10/11
Arcum Aereum AND energy condenser 3/8
Nulla Stella AND energy condenser 2/8
50/50 for Heheheh (Held until revan finishes his half of the charge.)
10/50 for my artificial companion of choice
3/50 for reassigning charge points
+3 to revan
entity orders:
Gazebo Launcher will use it's Dread Gazebo ability, and fire at Beaver.
Setting it right now: If Beaver's part of the mech dies, all gazebos will switch targets to the primary flumpty mech
Zerisek will be acting as the most expensive ammo a Fastball Special has ever fired. Target: Flumpty Bumpty's Mecha of Horrors
Hey, let's open a stocking present.
Post:
Ohptkin takes the Mewtwo card, if they had eyes, evil ideas would be flashing in front of them.
What could they do?
They could call forth an army of angry fanboys/girls/things.
They could summon the Pokemon Mewtwo themselves.
They could begin a Smash match using Mewtwo
Or they could just win a Pokemon match with them.
Heck, even a Pokemon card game would work.
It could always be sold on Ebay to fund another attack,
And playing cards always make wonderful weapons.
It's pretty shiny, it could make for a good distraction...
Oooh a shiny holofoil Mewtwo would be an interesting concept...
Or, Ohptkin could always just skip all that and break things regardless of the card.
All of these ideas are so enticing...
So what if Ohptkin did them all?
In fact, that is exactly what they are going to do. Ohptkin makes a gesture, and the card flares with dark red and purple fire, burning into a tiny crisp, curling and twisting until it is ash that blows away on the wind...
Only for a number of fires to burst into existence around where it was, slowly... unburning? copies of the card. 8 exact duplicates of the Rare Holofoil Mewtwo card begin to burn into existence, anyone watching notices that they all follow the exact same pattern, uncurling and untwisting, regaining color in the exact same way, and all of them in the exact reverse of how the original card was burnt up.
Ohptkin laughs as the 8 cards unburn into existence, and gesture, plucking one of the cards from the air, as the 8 begin to spin about them.
Now, an interesting fact about Terminae, almost all of us have different... ... HAD different... styles shall we say.
You've all seen mine, but sometime its nice to fall back into an old style, because storytelling is so much fun, machines are cold and efficient, but stories are so much easier to manipulate.
So let's tell one shall we?
Ohptkin flips the card up in the air, and a gust of wind picks up... and sends the card spiralling up into the sky. everyone sees it begin to flap and flutter, almost as if getting thicker... and then it flips open, like the cover of a book, and with that, a small book bearing the same image as the card floats down in front of Ohptkin.
"Ahem... Hmm... He made this look so easy..."
Hello? Hello. There we go... No wait.
ARGH FINE. WE'LL LEAVE IT RED.
AHEM
Once upon a time there was a young man... He was an ordinary young man, almost in his entirety. He went to school, like an ordinary young man. He enjoyed reading, like many ordinary young men, he even played sports like most young men do. In fact, even the fact that he had a distinct love for the Pokemon trading card game does not exclude him from the status of "ordinary", because everyone needs a hobby. He was not fanatic about it, he merely enjoyed playing with his friends, exchanging cards from his small collection.
His life would be changed one day by that very hobby.
Because one of the many ways in which he was perfectly ordinary is that he was to become one of the Unsung, the numerous warriors, part of an attack or just a permanent fixture on the battlefield. Chewed through like so many others.
I suppose, in this one manner, he is different from so many others. He remains Unsung no longer, or, is he never to be? You see, he has not reached the battlefield, he is on his way, because as we speak, or listen as your case may be, a single, otherwise unimportant card is fluttering across the void between worlds...
It twists and spins in the cold harsh emptiness of the Void, twirling in the cold wind that began to blow at the beginning of this iteration of The Loop. but that isn't important, it flutters and spirals for a time immeasurable, held in a state of near perfection by a small, but easy to create, shield holding in both its color and form against the caustic nature of the Void.
And it comes to a small light in the darkness. A tiny light, opened seemingly by chance... and it flutters closer and closer, finally having somewhere to go, and with a small "fwip" that goes completely unheard by anyone, it disappears into the light.
And far, far away from the Battlefield, walking down another ordinary street is that ordinary boy we introduced earlier, and he is suddenly and mercilessly stripped of his anonyimity and ordinariness as a small card flutters down from the sky.
He looks up, seeing the small shadow, and moves around, managing to catch it without hitting the ground, looks at the back face of the card, and slowly turns it over.
He stares at it, completely amazed at this windfall. The rarest Pokemon card he has ever seen, let alone held. And now, it is his. Strange things DO happen sometimes, don't they? He never stops to think about how strange it is that such a card would just fall out of the sky, but ordinary people don't stop to ponder the peculiarities of their lives anyways.
And so he heads back to his home.
Time goes on, and he shows his card off to his friends. They all marvel at this rare card, because not only is it incredibly rare, but it is unqiue. An exact duplicate of a card that only 5 were printed of. VERY rare indeed. And so it becomes the pride and joy of his collection.
Word travels, and he becomes more and more involved in the Pokemon community, not to the exclusion of school of course, his parents make certain of that... but he is convinced by a number of his friends to come to a Pokemon convention that would be taking place in a nearby town, and in turn, his parents are convinced to allow him to drive up there, him having recently obtained a proper drivers liscence.
Unfortunately for this young man, there is a conspiracy against him. These cards are incredibly valuable, and due to a freak chain of events involving a college prank, a Uhaul truck full of walruses and the untimely death of American Sports Legend Charles Barkley, there is a cult dedicated to obtaining all 5 of the Rare Holofoil Mewtwo cards. And they have 4 of them. Little do they know that the 5th was accidentally dropped into the Pacific Ocean and eaten by a seagull, and that this copy is from another universe, but either way, that have made their plans, and they plan to move forward with them the day of the convention.
And so the young and no-longer-ordinary man pulls to a stop in the parking lot of the convention. He walks in the doors, wallet in his pocket, ready to buy assorted Pokemon paraphenalia, his Mewtwo card, secured in its case, ready to show off to everyone when he gets the opportunity.
And so he walks through the doors.
The convention goes quite well for all parties involved, our young man has fun, makes friends, and gets many "oohs" and "aahs" from showing off his special card, the owners of the various stalls make much money, and the cultists get everything perfectly set up... or so they think.
And then, as the convention is winding to a close, suddenly, drapes fall, lights flare, and cultists pull out assorted Pokemon-related weaponry, rifles painted to look like pikachus, Voltorb hand grenades, and... you know what aegislash makes "pokemon themed swords" really lazy now.
The young man looks around in fear, convention goers stare in shock as a voice bellows over the loud-speaker, demanding that the mewtwo pokemon card be handed over, but it is not heard over the sound of the various unnecissarily large equipment used to bring in the floodlights and the screaming of various convention goers.
The young man's friend quietly sneaks out the back.
As the young man cowers, wondering what the heck went wrong, and what these crazy people want with him, he is slowly backed into a corner, clutching his Mewtwo card as a troop of cultists close in on him... only for the cultists to be run over as his friend charges his Prius through their ranks. As many jokes as people may make about Priuses... they're still heavier than humans. He calls for his friend to get in the car, and the young man scrambles over, getting into the passenger seat as his friend turns around and begins backing over the slightly bruised cultists behind them.
They get back out to the parking lot and immediately turn around and begin driving at top speed away from the convention center, only to find themselves being followed by an assortment of motorcycles, forklifts and segways.
It is an intense chase, occasionally punctuated by cops breaking off from donut runs to chase down the assorted malcontents, street racers mistaking them for participants and joining in, as well as just some guys who gets caught in the middle of the traffic and is unable to find his way out.
The card begins to flutter on the dash board. While the young man's friend very intently stares forward, trying to keep moving forward and away from obstacles, the young man himself stares at the card, which is glowing slightly... It lifts into the air, and shoots through the front windshield, opening up in a gateway of light out in front of them... The light covers them all...
The book in front of Ohptkin closes.
I believe that's enough story for right now, don't you? Much more interesting things happening here anyways.
The book lightly touches down to the ground.
Seven Mewtwo cards remain. Ohptkin decides that next up would be a good time to test out just how intimidating Mewtwo REALLY is.
You are challenged by Ohptkin!
Flumpty Bumpty's Mecha of Horrors sent out: Beaver's Toiletry-Themed Titanic Obliteration Laser Cockpit!
Ohptkin sent out: Mewtwo!
>Fight >Bag >Pokemon
>Run
Hah. Not likely punk.
>Fight
>Bag >Pokemon >Run
Okay, seriously, that's just cheating. No heals in the middle of an attack.
>Fight >Bag
>Pokemon >Run
And who, exactly, would you intend to switch out with?
>Fight >Bag >Pokemon
>Run
Oh now you're just being a pest. Just choose Fight already. This isn't Undertale.
>Fight >Bag >Pokemon >Run
Thank you.
Mewtwo used Psystrike!
It had no effect
Oh, right, dark types are immune to psychic. This wasn't planned out very well.
Beaver's Toiletry-Themed Titanic Obliteration Laser Cockpit used Instant Death!
It was super effective.
Mewtwo fainte-e-e-e-d-d-d
...
Okay, this is stupid.
Why am I sending this stupid thing out when I can do it myself.
Ohptkin sent out: 2#@#g2224#$#$F#$Fe
Here, read that as "Game Over, Punk"
T@$34t433452#$Vedrg3 used Super Power Ninja Turbo Neo Ultra Hyper Mega Multi Alpha Meta Extra Uber Prefix COMBO
It's Super Super ss--s-s-s--wew$$GG#$GERROR DAMAGE INTEGER OVERFLOW DETECTED
Huh, maybe applying x4 damage to an infinite damage attack was a bad idea. Oops.
This stupid video game menu was getting old anyways.
??? is the vic%Y#$G#$G#$G$#T#$ ERROR 404 GAME NOT FOUND
Ohptkin takes the fainted Mewtwo and raises it up from the ground, doing a quick gesture that sends bolts of red light rocketing up and down the Mewtwo's body, quickly restoring them to full health.
6 cards remain. Ohptkin plucks yet another from the air, bringing the total downn to five, and prepping for the next piece of attack, while gently shooing the Mewtwo from the previous attack away, Ohptkin gestures, spinning the card around, it spins, faster and faster and faster ever faster until it begins glowing from the sheer heat of the friction... or maybe it's...
And sudddenly, standing in front of everyone is the shiniest Mewtwo you have ever seen. It's like, 3 levels of shiny.
On the first level of it, it is most certainly a Shiny Mewtwo, instead of the "psychic pink" color that Mewtwos almost always sport, this one instead has an... interesting shade of green coloring its lower body and tail.
Not only that, but the entirety of the Mewtwo's body seems to... glisten... in the sunlight. It sparkles and glimmers, the entire body reflecting sunlight in ways the mesmerize and awe any onlookers. It's really, REALLY shiny.
Finally, the entire thing actually looks like it has holofoil, like, whenever somebody looks at it, everything they look at gets the weird holofoil gleam, not just the Mewtwo itself, EVERYTHING, as if your point of view has become a holofoil card. It's slightly disconcerting, but no less shiny.
The shiny Mewtwo twirls around a little bit, as if knowledgeable of how much it is stunning everyone and is actively flaunting its stuff. The other Mewtwo starts to float towards the shiny Mewtwo Looney-Toons style, heart eyes and everything, with Ohptkin sighing and flicking a band of metal towards it to hold it back before it gets hurt by being in the line of fire of the attack, but before the shiny Mewtwo can do anything with its distraction capabilities, a figure runs up Ohptkin trailed by a small pack of... very dapperly dressed pokemon.
The first thing everyone notices about him is that he is very clearly a fashion designer, just because of the clothing that somehow looks stupid and incredibly stylish at the same time, the second thing everyone notices is the terribly French accent that you're not certain if its because that's an actual thing in the universe he's from or because he is legitimately faking it.
"Ah, monsieur Terminae, you have such a perfect specimen of this beautiful pokemon" it continues on like that for quite some time. The voice sort of gets all far away and echoey after a little bit and upon realizing none of you really care exactly what he's talking about the viewing window decides to skip ahead. In essence, the man runs a Pokemon show (yes, that's a real thing, and we're not talking anime-wise) and has decided that above all else he wants to use this Shiny Mewtwo as the star of his next touring circuit, and of course, because having a pair of Mewtwo, even if only one is shiny, will astound and amaze absolutely everyone, he must take them both.
Ohptkin is too speechless to say no, and decides to just roll with it so long as both pokemon get returned in one piece. The man agrees, and the two Mewtwo find themselves being led off the Battlefield.
Ohptkin hovers there, still slightly confused as to what has just happened.
5 cards remain.
Ohptkin checks their list of damging actions to take, and sees that the next one they have marked down is to try and sell it, making enormous amounts of cash, and then using that to fund a massive attack. That's sort of a few too many steps removed to be properly considered attacking WITH the Mewtwo card, but oh well, it'll work, and if not, then all the others likely have it covered.
And so Ohptkin turns, and using assorted majjycks and whatnot, swirls up a large vortex, which begins traveling about the Battlefield picking up the assorted Mech pieces that have been left behind by the carnage on the battlefield (obviously leaving the anime-slimed ones alone, that's a no-brainer) the vortex begins crackling red with lightning, and pieces begin flying towards Ohptkin, landing just a little bit in front of them, slowly, slowly assembling a machine, made of metal that the pieces taken really probably didn't include, and leaced with red lines that seem to glow and pulse with power, finally the last bit settles into place, and Ohptkin gestures, the power switch flicking itself on.
The computer screen flickers to life, showing a short bootup sequence:
GORILLA. No.
Ohptkin immediately plunges a firey "arm" straight through the monitor and begins "leaning" over it and the sounds of metallic scraping and electronic buzzing can be heard from within the massive PC, as if things are being rearranged on the inside of the computer while its still running.
"I see you're trying to remove Windows OS from this computer. Would you like to go die in a"
Get lost you stupid tootpick.
You see a small metal speck punch a hole in the back of the computer and go flying off into the distance screaming "I'll be baaaaack"... I wonder... No, it couldn't be.
With a final clang and buzz, Ohptkin finally moves away from the computer screen, and turns it on...
MTT INDUSTRIES official OS
A low rumble, akin to growling echoes through the air around everyone as Ohptkin expresses displearure, but at the very least it isn't Windows Vista, so Ohptkin decides to live with it and just carry on.
The machine flickers on, and a variety of icons display on the desktop. Steam... Civ 5, some kind of writing software... Microsoft Paint? Most important is the internet browser (NOT Internet Explorer thank goodness, some sort of mysterious MTT INDUSTRIES in-company software deal) which the mouse cursor immediately moves over despite Ohptkin not having bothered to make a mouse. I suppose this is why.
Click click, the internet browser opens up, showing the google homepage (even in the Multiverse, everyone uses google. It is one of the infinite constants of reality. Just like Arnold Schwarzzneger's name being misspelled/pronounced by absolutely everyone.
Ohptkin navigates for a bit, looking around attempting to find the Multiversal equivalent of Ebay, and after a while comes to the Italian Space Mafia's black market bidding website. It's a little less legal and a lot more shady than Ohptkin would like, but it definitely looks to be the best place to sell the card.
Ohptkin puts it up for sale for a "reasonable" price, and to their surprise, bids on the item kick off almost immediately. Sending it higher and higher. Ohptkin checks the names of the users, and finds to their great surprise that one of them is apparently listed as a "reputable" user, usually meaning something along the lines of decently high ranking in the ISM, and another one called "Mewtwo Fanatic5082" which is a strange username but at least it explains why that particular person might be bidding on the card.
Ohptkin watches as it rises higher and higher into the far distance of the numbers skyline... and finally stops right as the bidding caps out
The final total caps out at somewhere between "entirely too much" and "numbers high enough to cause insanity". If Ohptkin had eyebrows, they would raise them, why would this "reputable user" be so interested in a pokemon card?
Oh well...
Somewhere, somewhen, a cultist cries out in dismay and smashes his face on his keyboard.
Somewhere else, somewhen else, a now fully grown man sighs in relief at having maintained the last part of the fragile timeloop that brought him to his prestiguous position.
Ohptkin watches as their amount of credits skyrockets, they make a gesture as if cracking their knuckles, and the cursor begins to zip around the screen, flicking between different webpages and avertisements for different services and materials in a flash, so quickly that most people that can't read them, and even those who can are completely unable to glean what it is that Ohptkin wants, even the construction agency doesn't help that much because there's a very clear demolition agency and live warheads delivery service point on the growing order list.
Ohptkin whisks into being a very... suspicious mailbox. One that several people (unfortunately) remember from a long time ago. Ohptkin flicks their wrist and the door of the mailbox flips open, a small package wraps itself around the card, and flies in, the mailbox disappearing with a puff.
And shortly after that there is a massive tearing in the air, as an enormous fleet of helicopters fly over Flumpty's Mecha, and begin dropping crate after crate after crate of assorted items. They begin to spread out from the mech, dropping more items away from it, but they drop a ton on it, as well as a single, massive bomb.
Ohptkin makes a winding motion,and throws. The massive computer used to make all the purchases flings itself into the air, colliding with the bomb, launching all of the items underneath it straight into Flumpty at massive speeds, the explosion coming right behind them in an enormous burst of light and sound that would probably be really bad for the choppers if they hadn't already moved away. Flumpty's Mech, being the primary target, is not so lucky.
4 cards remain.
Ohptkin gestures and another card floats out of the circle of Mewtwo cards, and flutters forward in the air. You know what? It's about time one of these got used in a way that it was actually intended to be used. That never actually seems to happen around here, or at least, when things are used properly they aren't used properly very effectively. BUT ITS TIME TO CHANGE THAT! THE FUTURE IS UP TO YOU AND YOU ARE THE FUTURE... Or something like that anyways...
First thing to do is... No, not play a card. Come on, we only have one right now, and the match hasn't started yet! Decks need to be put together, you need like... energy counters and stuff... At least, I think you do. Ohptkin would know, right? Right? No? Oh, right, Sealed omniscience, erm... Okay, first thing to do is NOT assemble a deck. First thing to do is look up the rules so we can actually get something vaguely done...
So, uh, that was actually vaguely productive. Using the sudden vast store of information with their brain (time stops are useful when trying to wiki browse) Ohptkin assembles a deck of 59 cards, and carefully, carefully, oh so carefully slots the Holofoil Mewtwo into it. They move over to where Flumpty's Mech is and a large slab of stone lifts up out of the ground, and the interior grinds into dust, space and time warping such that the far end of the table is just the right size for the mech, and there is room and chairs for both players to sit down.
Except neither of them can sit down so that was sort of a waste of energy.
The decks are put down in their appropriate places and the players ready themselves. Cards are drawn, and Basic Pokemon are played, Ohptkin placing down
a Bulbasaur and Flumpty and co placing down
a Piplup. And so the match begins...
The match is very intense, back and forth between them, pokemon hitting and leaving the field, everything goes relatively smoothly until shortly after Ohptkin loses their third pokemon and Flumpty+co. lose their second... When it Flumpty accidentally plays a Yu-Gi-Oh card instead.
An argument about the legality and how power and energy would apply to a card from outside the game (because clearly you can't just swap out cards. you have to have 60 cards, and it's not tournament legal to change your deck makeup mid match!) and after a flurry of placing, Ohptkin's full flush has scored a critical hit on Flumpty's Planeswalker. The following Yahtzee does very little to help sink anyone's battleship and everyone gives up when they both realize that they'd both been playing with a third player who hadn't been there at the start of the game.
Ohptkin pulls the last brick out of the jenga tower then flips the table, right onto Flumpty's head, where everything ignites and explodes in a massive flare.
The Mewtwo card never got played, but oh well, this was more interesting than watching a Pokemon Card Game match anyways.
3 cards remain.
Ohptkin makes a motion like rubbing their hands together, only to stop in disappointment when their arms just go through each other. Either way, having now floated back to the little circle of cards, they prepare to take down the next card...
Only for a very large, ornate and... the best word is "Majestic" limo to pull up next to them. (How it got across all of the blasted craters and corpses of the battlefield is anyones guess. Maybe the wheels have spikes on them. Or maybe its a hover limo. I dunno, I can't see it I'm just typing this thing.) Ohptkin sits there, befudddled (fun word, huh?) and the window slowly rolls down... revealing the Pokemon fashion designer from several attack segments ago.
"Monsieur Terminae, I have brought back ze pokemohn." After prattling on for a little bit more his voice goes all far away and echoey again, so we just decide to cut to the chase. Poor man, will he ever get to finish his lines without being interrupted? Maybe next time. Regardless, his information finally gets across through his large amount of prattling... it turns out, the man has, in fact, returned with the Pokemon, after going through a massive circuit that... Ohptkin decides that they do not, in fact, want the full story of what happened.
Well, too bad. I'm trying to get distance on this attack, so we're going into the whole detail and heartbreak of what went on while the Mewtwos were doing the fashion circuit.
I would love to say that it went well right from the beginninaaaaahahahaha yeah, no, easy beginnings make for boring stories, and boring stories make for ineffective longposts, so instead, everything went... pretty poorly right from the outset. Before they'd even gotten to the first location the car everyone was riding in broke down, and it rained for 3 hours straight, with the two
Mewtwos and the pokemon fashion designer having to stand out in the rain because the car exploded and the fashion designer couldn't catch the Mewtwos without their consent, which they did not give. Nobody wanted to get into a fight (least of all the fashion designer, who did not fancy being on the receiving end of two psystrikes at once.) so they just all stood out in the rain.
I WOULD say that was the beginning of a wonderful friendship, but that's too cliche (even if slightly true). It was the beginning of a friendship. It wasn't wonderful right at the beginning of it, because the shiny Mewtwo thought the other one was, well, a little ordinary, while the ordinary one felt awkward and uncomfortable being next to the thing that had been the object of its affections for basically all of its existence (remember, Ohptkin brought it into being from a playing card like, 5 minutes before the other one).
So, simply put, the two Mewtwos got along okay, and attempted to make small talk when they got stuck in the back seat of the tow truck (the driver didn't feel comfortable sitting right next to two genetically engineered weapon creatures, why that would be worse than having them sitting behind you? I dunno. but that was how he felt, so the fashion designer got to sit shotgun.)
Once they got into town they discovered that the "studio" had been ransacked by rabid badgers and a rogue blue shell that had somehow escaped from a Mario Kart race, and had to scrounge up materials and money just to be able to put together the materials for the show. The "regular" Mewtwo was beginning to think "You know what? Maybe this isn't worth it..." but upon seeing how devasted the Shiny Mewtwo was at hearing that, decided that maybe, they could use this opportunity to show their worth. And so using the superior intellect of being a psychic type pokemon, and an incredibly powerful one at that, the original Mewtwo thought up a plan to acquire money.
The regular Mewtwo went to work acquiring money the... old fashioned way (As it turns out people will pay a LOT for high-end telekinesis) and the Shiny Mewtwo works part-time helping out in a fabric warehouse. Finally, they have enough materials pooled together to put together the clothing.
And the first night... is glorious.
The entire crowd is astounded, wowed and amazed.
The rest, as they say, is history.
A whirlwind tour, crowds calling their name, and a flaming romance blossoming between the two stars of it. And sitting at the back is a simple fashion designer raking in the big bucks like he never thought he would, ever in his entire life. Entire worlds come to love and adore these two pokemon...
But alas, all good things come to an end eventually, and it's late and I don't have time to finish this all the way up like I wanted to.
Suffice it to say that the two Mewtwos come home, much more experienced, in a solid, stable relationship, and ready to do one final show, specifically for their creator as a thank you before they go on to retire in some distant place far from the fighting to try and figure out the biological issues with making babies from a sterile species engineered to come about fully grown.
Somebody should write a book about these guys, or at the very least, a fanfiction. Oh well.
More immediately important is the show they are about to put on! It shall be the grandest fashion performance to grace the battlefield in living memory! (Actually, the only one I think, but hey, more creativity bonuses. I think. Hopefully. Please?)
With a quick whistle, the back of the limosine flips up and a massive crew of builders begin climbing out of the trunk, pulling with them boards, stone, steel, and various construction supplies. They are followed by several forklifts with more materials, and then larger and larger vehicles, finishing up with a convoy of trucks carrying the parts to a very large crane, all ready for setup as soon as everyone gets into position.
Everyone watches and stares as the construction team sets to work and begins assembling a massive stadium, created out of precious metals and stones, to the extent that it sparkles in the sunlight. Massive doors are constructed, the fashion designer walks over and immediately begins chewing out the construction crew, pointing to the various large mechs and assorted monstrosities gathered around the battlefield, peering curiously at the ongoing construction progress. Finally, after a long and drawn out argument, the foreman goes back, orders in the wrecking ball, and restarts, building the entrance and main hall even bigger than before so that it can fit everything, even Flumpty's mech.
The building grows higher and higher, the scaffolding reachin into the sky, so much that the crane even has to be upgraded a few times so that it can reach high enough. The greatest stadium/fashion runway hybrid ever constructed in the entire history of the Multiverse.
And as it finishes, the Pokemon come out of the car, the two Mewtwos, dressed up in a fabulous dress and the most dapper tuxedo you have ever seen (I didn't even know they MADE tuxes in that color), flanked by a Charizard and Empoleon in similarly impressive wear. They are followed by various others, a Butterfree, a Fennekin, a Pheremosa (SPOILER WARNING DONT GOOGLE THAT IF YOU'RE PLAYING SUN/MOON) and so on. They move in to the side door (although still very ornate and shiny) and as everyone files in the main door, waiting for the main attraction and watching the pre-act (a gyrados juggling magikarp. Bound to be entertaining if nothing else.) they all get ready.
If you could speak pokemon, the conversation would go something like this:
"alright everyone! This is the moment we've all been waiting for! The greatest venue in all of the Multiverse, built just for us. Let's finish this RIGHT."
There's cheering, chattering nervousness, but everyone gets down to business. Costumes are readied, makeup is applied, and they step out on the runway as a booming announcing voice in 13901 different languages announces the beginning of the fashion show.
It is magnificent. Now here's the thing, Pokemon shows aren't JUST fashion. All the wear must be functional, comfy and easy to wear, and what better way to show that than by having the Pokemon actually perform during the show?
And so they do.
Water manipulation, rings of fire (wow the tuxes are fireproof too, I'm totally buying one. Do the come in human sizes?) massive ghost and plasma rings that shimmer in so many colors even the rainbow can't contain them all. Arcs of lightning exchanged between pokemon like a game of table tennis, geysers of magma frozen into beautiful sculptures, and all the while in between it are the two Mewtwo, flashing in and out with their various outfits and throwing their own spins into each of the various feats. Oohs and aahs are heard from the entire audience...
Except Ohptkin. Ohptkin isn't impressed.
If I had known it was leading up to this I wouldn't have bothered. It was better in the last loop anyways.
Finally, the grand finale comes. Jets of fire are blasted out, water swirls, ice shimmers, sparkles and beams of light fly in every direction, trees and bushes and flowers spring up around in a jungle, a volcano rising up from behind and the entire thing buried in an artificial miniature ocean, all of the pokemon showing off their final wears, each more and more magnificent than the last, becoming so amazing that the realm of human language is incapable of properly describing them (I will say this, as it turns out puke green CAN work if you mix it with the right shade of red.) between the iridescent shimmers and light fantastic there is nary a closed jaw in the entire audience. Every single person that has a jaw to drop has dropped it.
A spiral, stars in the background, flashing and light... the two Mewtwos spiral up towards each other... a massive orb of multicolored fire of a more psionic persuasion swirling up and sending light everywhere. And they throw it.
Flumpty, sitting on the front row panics and begins shouting orders telling everyone to scramble the Mech and get out of the way.
0 damage.
...
Even a super Psy-strike is still psychic type.
The Mewtwos stop.
"Oh, uh, right. I forgot about that" (uttered in Pokemon speak of course, no one understands that, but the sentiment is well understood.)
Then the fire alarms go off. It immediately begins spraying gasoline all over everyone. Ohptkin floats in through the wall, sets up the massive blast screen at the front of the stage, floats through THAT, and drops a match.
I got bored.
Why don't you all go do whatever it is people do when not dying in a pointless war.
Flumpty's mech, still in the middle of things, takes the brunt of basically all the damage. Most other people were already far out enough that they escaped (also, fire extinguishers were still around and had NOT been replaced with gasoline, so that helped slow things down.) Basically, pretty much everyone has evacuated by the time the roof caves in on Flumpty.
Meanwhile... outside the venue...
"Monsieur Terminae if I may"
No, you may not. I apologize, but I really don't want to listen to your dialogue getting cut off in the same clumsy manner it was the last two times. You made your money, you got your game. I think that the best way to end this lovely career is with...
The final collapse happens, the roof falling inwards and then the runway exploding outwards with massive force.
A bang.
Everyone just sort of falls silent at the horrible, horrible pun.
The Fashion designer sighs, motions to all of the pokemon but the two Mewtwos- who were somehow convinced to stick around, if just for the rest of the attack- back to the limo, which drives off into the sunset.
3 cards remain. (Help with this following attack came from Emerald_Man and Cobalt (W32Coravint) )
NOW its time to perform the action that would've taken up the last section had it not been for... Whatever that was that just got burned to the ground by Ohptkin getting irritated by the perpetual shenanigans.
Ohptkin pulls down another card from the air, and looks at the remaining two, and nods at them, they float down to gently rest on the ground on top of the book. Ohptkin look at the card. Now, the difficult thing will be getting this card to actually be a dangerous weapon against such an enormous mecha made of powerful metals and held together by all kinds of hilariously dangerous dark magics.
Clearly the only way to do this is hilarious misattribution of the laws of physics.
Now, the first and most important thing that a person can know about any given object is what its general, physical makeup is. In the case of this trading card it is, like most trading cards, it is made of paperboard, which is like cardboard, a paper-type product, only made out of paper, which it already is. This is important, because everyone knows the power of papercuts when it comes to cutting through things, so as Ohptkin gestures and the card goes flying, it begins cutting immediately, but it goes too fast, why is this? Why is it that such a small item can cut through the metal of the mech so efficiently?
It all has to do with the composition of matter.
Now, Paper is made of rows and rows and rows of plant fibers, all layered over the top of one another, plant fibers are pretty strong stuff, made to bend without breaking (or at least, the ones used in paper are) and when layered over each other they get even stronger. Those are made out of various chains of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen, as well as some other things. These are what we're delving into.
Now, the deep into the depths of the atom, you will see a number of things. You will see protons (or a proton if it's hydrogen) you will se neutrons (except in the hydrogen. Screw you hydrogen.) and even electrons (hydrogens skimps on labor funds. Seriously.) but there is a single, extremely SUPER important thing that you will see. It is this very thing that you see, or rather, do not see, is the reason why our card can fly straight through the armor of Flumpty's mech.
What can you not see? Much of anything.
You see, an atom's nucleus is only one hundred thousandth of the whole atom, and the electron spinning round and round and round and round and round and... okay sorry, gimme a second I'm dizzy now... okay, whew. The electron is EVEN SMALLER. This is incredible important information, because this card
is mostly empty space because of all the empty space in the atoms. Matter can move through empty space with ease, ergo, empty space can move through matter. Simple logic, the card cuts through the Mechs outer plating with no trouble whatsoever.
Once inside, it is going to do something special.
Because it's not just a holofoil card, that holo stands for something else entirely HOLOGRAPHIC. Because it is in truth a super rare HOLOGRAPHIC HOLOFOIL MEWTWO CARD. How can I prove this? Well, quite simply, it all comes down to the holographic principle, a principle of string theories and a supposed property of quantum gravity that states that the description of a volume of space can be thought of as encoded on a lower-dimensional boundary to the region—preferably a light-like boundary like a gravitational horizon.
Basically, the entire universe can be seen as two-dimensional information on the cosmological horizon, the event horizon from which information may still be gathered and not lost due to the natural limitations of spacetime supporting a black hole, effectively rendering everything somewhat of a two dimensional hologram.
And, as everyone knows, holograms are made of light.
Why would this be relevant, you might be asking? Well, because of energy of course. Light is energy, a specific form and wavelength on the electromagnetic spectrum carried by photons. Now, to say nothing of the photons themselves, the light of this solid holograph we have inserted into flumpty's mech imparts a large amount of energy because of the matter it possesses because, as Einstein postulated in his theory of relativity, energy equals matter times the speed of light squared.
The speed of light is 299792458 meters per second, with a card weighing about 2 grams, the amount of energy comes out to close to 1.4989623e+17 (or one hundred and 50 quadrillion) joules. That's 1.5 gigatons friends. More than the combined power of all nukes every detonated on earth all combined (dragon charges don't count as nukes)
Now friends, through the use of science, we just easily deposited a high-power conversion bomb on the inside of Flumpty's Mech, where the armor does absolutely no good.
If you need a shorter version, please reference the following diagram sheet:
Is it understood? good?
Now that Flumpty's mech is done... no, wait, it's not done smoking, oh well. Moving on anyways!
2 cards remain
Flumpty's mech slowly, slowly teeters to its feet, smoke still leaking from the numerous cracks, crevaces and holes left in the mech by the brutal battering it has been given. But the mech still stands. Through all of the massive beating it has received it has not yet broken into pieces, or broken down, or had its spirit broken. It has not been borked in any of the million ways it likely should have been broken. But Ohptkin isn't finished.
Ohptkin pulls out the last card.
Now, here's the funny thing, I've been setting up for this part of the attack this whole time. I can assure you, you are not ready for what's coming up.
And the last card gently flutters down to the field... and glows and glows growing bright and brighter and brighter...
You all look back, it's just another Mewtwo. That's strange, didn't Ohptkin already do that? The other two Mewtwos slowly walk over, standing next to the third one.
When you just can't settle an argument, there's only one true way to do it.
Settle it.
IN SMASH.
And with that clatter, more portals open. A foreman repels out of a massive voidship down to the ground next to Ohptkin as the others begin clearing away the wreckage of the the massive fashion runway, cargo ships flying over head and pouring out massive amounts of concrete and cement into the craters, filling it up and creating a massive foundation essentially from scratch. The foreman double checks his paperwork, and asks how Ohptkin could possibly have gotten the funds needed to buy and hire everything needed for this construction project. A small flash of light, a grin, crackles across Ohptkin's "face". No one would believe that all this came from a pokemon card anyways.
And so the construction accelerates, more and more voidships fly in from all over the place, bringing in crystals, laser parts, the decayed corpses of titans and entire assembly lines, ripped right out of their home universes are air lifted in, a small spaceship, attached to a tether circles round and round, held from a crane that, although part of the stage itself, aids in construction, little portals to summon miniature demon golfballs are installed and a giant gravity shifter to screw with the orientation of the map every so often.
Ships fly in and ont, welding, crashing, pounding screeching pouring lava, water spouts out of pipes and flowing down artifical waterfalls into gorgeous lakes and and mixes together with lava creating obsidian that is lifted out and assembled into statues in the midst of the battlefield before being disassembled again. Lightning strikes along the edges, curving around and around and around again, jumping up and down between tesla coils. You can even get into the box with the camera man.
It is truly the greatest of smash stages ever created.
Flumpty and co look around in confusion as the settings of the smash are quickly arrayed out, it's a three on one. All three Mewtwos versus the one Flumpty's Mech.
READY?
GO!
And the Mewtwos charge at him, streaming towards the mech in a straight line, going high up above on platforms and dashing between pillars. The Mech begins opening fire, sending projectiles flying in every direction. One of the Mewtwos pulls up a psyshield blocking projectiles, and one of them flips over to the side, switching a lever with a psionic bolt that flips out a wall, blocking the shots and Flumpty's line of sight. Flumpty turns and charges at the third Mewtwo as it attempts to inflict damage from behind, but it darts out of the way, ducks below a platform, and quickly dodges the blast of fire as the sewer's built in river whisks them away.
This continues one, after another. There is a distant shatter and whorp, and the sky suddenly goes a bit darker. Flumpty suddenly realizes he hasn't seen one of the Mewtwos in a while, because suddenly two doors at either end of the arena open up... Outside the door, the book from the very beginning of the attack begins to glow a powerful yellow. It slowly rises into the air, pages flipping faster and faster, as if being generated on one cover and removed on the other, and it rises and spins, once, twice, three times. And then stops, grows and...
Flumpty sees a highway. And one of the strangest car chases anyone here has ever seen.
HONKHONK
"GET OUT OF THE WAY WE'RE TRYING TO OUTRUN SOME CULTISTS HERE!"
The entire massive car chase charges straight up the specially designed highway path that begins to flip out, with special additions, including anti-gravity nodes right out of Mario Kart 8 to help the cars get onto the weird upside down curves and what not. Flumpty prepares to jump out of the way only for a tiny white ball to smack into the Mech, and then its grounded. Yes, the entire massive mech, stuck all the way through the ground and completely immobilized in the platform that's probably not even thick enough to take up half of its space. Needless to say, the cars smash straight through the mech, and send it flipping up into the air, the mech only being prevented from taking heavy damage by its immense weight stat.
The two Mewtwos charge towards the mech, each smash atack and additional shot bouncing it up in the air for the other pokemon to hit and knock it down, the Mech performs a cancel wavedash and spins out a downspecial (which apparently makes it do a quick disco breakdance spin that knocks everyone away), accidentally crashing into the party ball. Everyone holds their breath in the split second before its known whether it will explode or not. And then food pops out. In a split second, Flumpty's Mech has consumed a small feast of various different foods and is back to a health level that the Mewtwos will be unable to counter.
Then a mysterious item crops up, it looks like a small deck of playing cards. As Flumpty grabs a nearby ore club and begins sending out tornados with alarming speed, Mewtwo number two dives over to the new item and uses it.
A card expels at high speed, surrounded by a small aura of mathematical symbols and a really smart sounding voice. "Matter is mostly made of empty space." and the void lodges in the Mech's armor and explodes with the force of a Bob-Omb. Flumpty's Mech once again finds itself on the run as the Mewtwo sends card after card after high explosive card flinging at the Mech, which nimbly jumps over and under and between all kinds of hazards, barely even catching when there's another shatter and whoosh, and the sky grows even darker. And suddenly, the Mewtwo runs out of cards.
Flumpty charges forward with a cry of victory. dropping a taunt that spells out "GET YOLKED" very clearly across the front of main cockpit. The Mewtwo charges forward to try and take advantage of it... only to get meteor smashed into the ground right as the taunt ends.
The Mewtwo dodges one attack, then another, and quickly jumps between a gate. Flumpty's mech pursues it, only to get caught in the arc of lightning, it takes the damage, and jumps through, sprinting at top speed towards the Mewtwo... only to skid to a stop. There's a small shattering as the last Mewtwo opens the assist trophy.
Oh hello there, I was wondering how long this would take.
Ohptkin waves almost gleefully.
1 card remains.
Ohptkin flips the card out, how it glimmers and gleams in the sunlight. Very fancy. And suddenly all of the lights in the stadium are fixed upon it. It flashes, almost blindingly, but... mesmerizing... Grunkle Stan, eat your heart out because this now holds the record for the most distracting objects in existence.
It glitters and twirls, sending sparkly patterns out so intricate and amazing that Flumpty can't look away, if he were to break his gaze he would see that the same thing has happened to all the other pilots. As the rainbows and flashing spirals glitter outwards in fractal patterns and lines and curves that seem to stretch in on to infinity more and more people becomes transfixed by the spinning card.
It pulls in your attention, you almost feel you can see things, like the flickering of a fire you see shadows, swords clashing, maybe two faces talking two each other, a danse macabre or perhaps just a flock of flittering butterflies. It spirals more and more, and you can see less and less outside of the card...
And with a flash, you see.
FLASH You see a purple triangle floating in the air, shaking hands with a Descendant as a massive glowing ball of green life energy floats in the air behind them, heedless of the total violation of reality that rages on around them. FLASH A dark shape moves across the shadow, the sky going dark, a figure amongst the crowd of warriors begins glowing with a dark, blood red aura, slowly floating into the air. FLASH A dragon and a tank confront each other, as massive flashes of power and terrible beasts clash in the air among them two powerful lasers, red and green push against one another, back and forth beneath the swirling storm overhead. FLASH "this si what i get for eating dinner" FLASH A puppet, a puppetmaster, duels with a crowd of opponents, but a flash of cyan light intercepts the battle and the puppet screams in fear as a massive cyan arrow plunges straight through the cueball the puppet calls a head. FLASH A man wearing a cat mask sits on a crate, polishing a gun. FLASH “The goal of this game will now be to spread as much happiness and love as possible! Enter
LOVE THE GODMODDER 2: LOVE HARDER!” FLASH Under you, you see millions. Each bowing down to a massive humanoid in front, each with three extended limbs forming a triangle upon their backs. Each chanting. Each ready to do whatever they are told in that moment. FLASH You see a swarm of balloons, balloons of every color, pushes forward before the great leviathan at the lead of their terrible army. Monkeys everywhere will burn. FLASH flying cheesedogfishes FLASH You see a young troll, a Thief of Light, hanging upside down from a rope, her shirt fallen up over her face, waiting in the middle of a massive battlefield empty of anything but the pole she is stuck on and the bodie of the fallen. FLASH a strange taurine-like creature, burning FLASH A shadowy figure with a pair of green sunglasses floats on a battlefield, his eyes reflecting all that was, is, and is to come. His body is a portal into the glare of an immensely powerful star two universes large. His pose shifts, and suddenly the light from the star is all you can see. FLASH An immense red spiral extending towards the void FLASH A figure stares out across a Minecraft landscape, twirls his cape and laughs. Jumping off the ledge and beginnings his onslaught. FLASH A girl reaches into the dark abyss, pulling the entire universe out of it. FLASH “
WALUIGI TIME… IS OVER…” FLASH A staticy image of five figures of different sizes and shapes obscured by shadows. It isn't clear what they are doing, but the figures fill others with unease. FLASH "In other news, the government of what remains of Australia after the Great Gravel Wars has reported that gold statues of citizens that have gone missing have appeared all around the country." FLASH The thing that was Kirby leaps up into the air, although scarred by the long and arduous battle, it has not even yet assumed its final form! FLASH Two figures, one in dark, one in light, stood in a dimly lit, wooden walled room. On the opposite wall, two doors stood. The first figure asks for the second to pick a door, and so it picks the one on the right. But it wasn't really the figure's choice, was it? FLASH You look up in the sky, as a massive serpent, built of zeroes and ones cascades across the sky, twirling round and round, caught in a dangerous battle against the first guardian before it. FLASH The attendees all cheer, the squawcks cries and “pika-CHU”s resounding through the crowd as the two Mewtwos kiss the bride/groom of the wonderful wedding. The Fashion designer stands at the back, this truly is the greatest things his work has ever led to. FLASH There's a trail of cat pictures leading to a phone of some kind. An anime school girl, curious about the pictures, follows the trail and goes to pick up the phone and starts playing Bejewl- wait a minute… FLASH A figure wrapped in emerald ephemeral tumbles through a dark grey void, abruptly falling flat on his face. Build blinks once, then twice. A rumbling on the horizon forces him to look upwards, directly at the horrendous smoky form of Y̧Ó̷́͢U̢͠ ̢͜͠S̡͠H̀̀͘͝O̵͟͢Ù̷Ļ̸́̕D͟Ǹ̡͏'̸́T͏̡̀͜ ̨̕͢͢B̷͜͞E̸̢̨ ҉̶H͏͟͠͝E̶̡͢͜͝R͠͏̡E̵̢ FLASH Dozens of people stand in a large circle around a pile of deadly weapons. At the sound of a buzzer, everyone runs inwards towards it an- ... Did that guy just... fly away? By flapping his arms? FLASH You watch the greatest and loveliest eclipse in the history of a universe. It will also be the last. FLASH A figure moves in erratic patterns as random explosions happen in the background. Michael Bay is nearby in a directors chair, watching as the figure avoids lasers that make more explosions. FLASH You watch as the clown twirls his stop sign, easily holding off the leprechaun despite what should be a distinct temporal advantage for his opponent. FLASH an old consumed white towel falling on a dead brown planet FLASH Armies swarm, creatures, great and terrible abominations mutated from the forms of lesser monsters charge the vast armies of godlings and masters of tropes, robots, cannons and a great floating fortress city. FLASH You see Sanford and Deimos in some kind of car dealership, arguing and pointing to two different jeeps, completely indistinguishable from one another aside from the paint job. FLASH
[THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS].DIE(), FLASH You see a door, the only thing in the pale, monochromatic landscape with any semblence of color. Two figures step out, a small, but cozy room with a large computer terminal in the room beyond. As they step through, all color fades from them, and they look at themselves in shock, as if completely unaware of the side effects of entering Limbo. FLASH You see a jester, cackling madly as he splits across two times, two realities, a massive shatter splitting down the lines of existence. FLASH You see fractals spiraling into infinity, golden honey dripping from the triangular combs of power. FLASH You watch as a battle travels farther and farther away. A single dummy sits, lying abandoned in the mud, a single tear rolling down its cheek. FLASH A blade redefining existence, cutting through concepts and altering the very fundaments of the world. Another blade, a virtual mirror of the first, reshaping reality itself under the guise of 'story manipulation', invoking narrative tropes and ideas to change the terrain or empower an entity. FLASH A graceful wolf and peaceful spirit of nature stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, sometimes even the evilest of conflicts can bring forth beautiful fruits. FLASH A pale figure in a black suit and the face of a Creeper lays dead upon the ground. Standing over him is a minecraftian with a Diamond Pick, bloody from the deed. FLASH The heart of a tree, a room of white, and a figure, oh so old and powerful beyond anyone's wildest dreams... FLASH You barrel closer and closer to the temple far below. Fire surrounds you and as you watch the figures far below, two armies, arrayed against one another, surrounding a monolith come into sight, just as they become aware of what is above them… FLASH “CHARLES BARKLEY, AMERICAN SPORTS LEGEND” FLASH You see a powerful figure launching himself at a city, magma erupts around them washing amongst the streets of the city, only stopped by the effort of many warriors, an army of robots swarms after the enraged god, a god among gods is not a force to be trifled with. FLASH Reality shatters, reason and being breaking into tiny pieces, in a small house amidst the destruction of the storm sit a young boy and girl, huddling, crying. They start, seeing something in the distance…
Come with me. FLASH You see a Rare holofoil Mewtwo card FLASH you see the pokemon stadium FLASH you see something dropping from the sky FLASH you see Ohptkin spinning the card FLASH you see yourselves staring at the card FLASH you see
The King of All Elements, still inside of the mech suit, falls out of the sky and lands right on top of Flumpty's mech, both plasma swords pointed straight down, carving a massive gash all the way down the front of the Mecha of Horrors, melting out pieces all over the place, it snaps you back to reality as the King of All Elements begins throwing elemental strikes after elemental strikes at Flumpty's Mech until finally Flumpty side smashes The King out of the stadium.
And then there's a flash of light at the top of a hill crest. A Smash Ball! Flumpty readies up, flipping out all sorts of guns, every weapon the mech could possibly possesss ever, all readying at once... and then a Mewtwo jumps up and smashes it wide open. The other two Mewtwos come up the crest behind them, all three of them glowing with the power of an obtained final smash.
TRIPLE PSYSTRIKE! GOOOOOOOOO
And all three of them fire at once.
There's no type immunities in smash bros.
All that is heard is the power screech you get upon landing a critical hit in Smash bros. All that is seen is the pilalr of light from Flumpty's Mech getting KOd.
Shortly after that is a crunch when the King of All Elements lands on his own drone, smashing it flat.
And THAT, is how you deal damage with a Pokemon card.
Note:
I have no idea how much power this post has aside from being over 7000 words, having a 10 minutes video and me grabbing various equations and other science things to scrawl on a piece of paper and... yeah, this is gonna nuke lots of stuff. Here is the priority of damage.
Damage goes first to wiping Beaver's station, then to Flumpty's main mech. If this is somehow capable of reducing Flumpty's mech below 500K damage or whatever other amount would prevent the upcoming Zerisek/Throne II fastball special from getting to be super impressive, stop it there.
Leftover power will got to this attack's sheer incredibleness and amount of awesome trickery and tomfoolishness dropkicking Yuuki's insanity, applying large amounts of saniy values.
If there's STILL leftover power from that, that same level of awesomeness will go to saning lesser anime girls one by one (not moving onto the next until the last has been 100 perecented) starting with Hezalyna.
If this somehow sanes all the anime girls AND still has power leftover, then Uzi's forces get to say goodbye to existing because they get in the crossfire of one of the many large explosions.
If there's STILL leftover power, deal damage to Uzi and change the terrain to "Super Smash Stadium" and the weather to "Smoke and debris"
also doesn't the newest rwby episode seem one second too early?"