Absorb The Non-Issue

[Streyll]

The reason why you feel like you made a mistake is that you gave me a bottle of poison when you were supposed to give me water. I drink it, and die of poison.

I listen to Aviators.

 

[Ivyss]

You fail to hear as I get hit by a car.

I get hit by a car.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And the car fails to stop on you, running me over.

I become a roadkill, shortly said.

 

[Streyll]

I was the one driving the car, and I commit suicide out of guilt for killing both you and Chir'.

I turn off a stove.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I lose power to my heating, and I freeze to death.

My Keurig machine isn't working.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And it's keeping me alive, so I'm dead now.

My PC isn't working.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to make a flight to your place, but the plane gets hijacked and I get tossed out mid-flight.

I spend the night wondering what's wrong with myself.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

Because of power of music, you have my sawn off head for some reason, as well as suddenly singing about that.

I spend the day nostalgic about past.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I realize something, and blow us both up before WW3 starts.

I almost forgot to put text here.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And you 'almost forgot' about me, as I die from diarrhoea.

I ponder what exactly I am.

 

[Streyll]

You discover that you're a murderer, because you killed me.

Everyone keeps posting before I have a chance to.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And in a spree of murder, you kill me.

I am killed because of ninjaing Dragonwolf.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

Good for you, my foot is still in the printing press and I'm dying of gangrene.

I'm bored.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And you blow me up because alleviating boredom is more important.

I am having lessons, yet at same time I don't.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

Instruction unclear, dropped into the Salton Sea. Couldn't breathe.

I start asking people if inches and feet are the same length here as they are on Venus.

 

[Streyll]

I make a joke about inches of mercury, and you kill me for it.

I complain about Canada using both Metric and Imperial.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to explain that the same can be said of the US, and you drown me in Hudson Bay for arguing.

I stubbed my toe again.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And you relieve the stress on me, killing me.

I complain about Poland complaining about Poland complaining about Poland...

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to get you to stop complaining about Poland, but my flight gets hijacked again.

I start typing out an overly long post about how great it is that the Soviet Union dissolved.

 

[Streyll]

You then disappear a few days later...
EDIT: I die from realising this is Absorb the Non-Issue, not Gone Horrifically Wrong/Right.

I invent a time machine so I can go back to a few years ago and go to Zellers.