Absorb The Non-Issue

[Tibithia Σ]

I steal your time machine, and accidentally nuke Britain in the 1900s, killing at least one of my ancestors, invalidating my existence.

I try to have some smoked cheddar.

 

[Streyll]

You steal it from me, however it was the only food I had left, so I starve to death.

I crash a helicopter.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

...Into the plaza I was ordering a bagel at.

I set my brightness too high.

 

[Streyll]

Which causes your screen to catch on fire. The fire spreads, and I die from it.

I die from a screen catching on fire.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I also die from that flaming screen.

I hope this doesn't result in a slippery slope of convoluted deaths.

 

[Streyll]

The power of Corrupt a Wish spills over into this thread, and causes the fire to spread to a electrical pole, which causes the pole to fall onto a car, which causes the car to explode, which causes shrapnel to go flying through a window and knock over a bottle, which causes me to get covered in toxic chemcials from the bottle.

I listen to classic rock.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

When we speak, I don't understand anything you talk about, and shoot you because I've only really listened to AC/DC, Metallica, The Beatles and Queen.

 

[Streyll]

I die from your missing text, and your limited knowledge of classic rock.

I listen to music made by Canadians.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I blow up the radio just before the pop music begins to play.

I'm listening to music from video games.

 

[Ivyss]

The music distracts you from the fact I'm on fire and I burn to death.

I'm slightly tired.

 

[Ganransu]

Well now you made me tired while I was walking down a long flight of stairs causing me to tumble to my death as I blissfully fell asleep

I have a papercut

 

[Ivyss]

You panic and push me into spikes.

I get impaled.

 

[Ganransu]

And now I'm panicking more and run myself into the spikes and die

I boot up starbound

 

[Ivyss]

The game ends up crashing at an important point for you, resulting in you getting really pissed off and killing me.

I have a slight headache.

 

[Ganransu]

That slight headache was a brain parasite and it's also infected me and now we're both lobotomized

My eyes hurt

 

[Ivyss]

You decide to solve that by removing mine and putting them in the place of yours. I die from blood loss soon after.

I bleed out.

 

[Ganransu]

And I die of tissue rejection a week later

I sit down

 

[Animus Viral]

On a button that shoots me.


Gus rejoins with one of his 628928028297202729 alternative accounts.

 

[Ganransu]

Unfortunately those accounts also overloaded the server they were on and also happened to all get hacked leading to me getting a seizure somehow and Gus has all his personal info leaked to the internet

I lay down

 

[Streyll]

On a container filled with medical supplies. I needed those medical supplies, but can't get them because you're on top of the container, causing me to die of my injuries.

I look at a clock.