Absorb The Non-Issue

[Streyll]

The cork then flies off with the speed of a bullet, and goes straight into my neck, killing me.


I roll a d20.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

for a one shot move and I die instantaneously

I am too lazy to get the point of a speech

 

[Streyll]

So you don't tell me that the thing I'm drinking is poisoned.


I fix a sink.

 

[Ivyss]

You fix it incorrectly and when I try to use it launches the tap through my skull because the pressure was too high.

I really can't deal with this life anymore

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

So you wish at djinn for a life to end. You didn't specify, so I suddenly get killed by a sudden multi-organ failure.

I get killed due to Chir's wish.

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

I was a paramedic, and since I arrived at the scene way too late I’m fired, which causes me to lose all of my money within a few weeks since I can’t find another job, and I have to sell everything I own. I end up having to live on the streets, and I witness a terrible crime. The person who did it kills me to eliminate witnesses.

I just spent like 5 minutes coming up with that.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

I criticize your choice of being fired because of being 'too late' because a wish kills faster than paramedic arrival, so you decide to go back in time to kill me... again, to sustain that narrative.

I attempt to get Flask to write down my lore.

 

[Streyll]

He decides to write it down, using my blood.

I set a bottle of catnip on the floor.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

A cat comes and attacks me because i picked up the catnip

I dissappear and then reappear in the same spot

 

[Ivyss]

This scares me into having a heart attack.

I don't sleep enough.

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

This causes you to have hallucinations, like seeing me as a bear breaking into your house, so you shoot me.

I manage to get decent rest somehow.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

My heart beating was what kept u up at night(do NOT look at it that way shut)

I play Terraria Calamity

 

[Champion Greninjoid]

Meanwhile, I’m choking to death on bad, evil grape, but you’re too busy playing to notice.

I am murdered by bad, evil grape.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

It murders me too

I feel sad for reasons pertaining to a specific feeling that i lack

 

[Streyll]

That feeling is remorse over killing me.


I open a curtain.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

I'm allergic to the sun, and the sun shines brightly on me

I am missing

 

[Ivyss]

I look for you and get shot for trespassing in a restrictions area doing so.

It's cold outside where I live.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And I come to you, freezing solid because I didn't grow thick enough coat.

I decide to build some Blockhouses.

 

[Streyll]

And use them to train soldiers, which you then send to kill me.


I decide to type in a few cheat codes.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

One of them is diediedie, and you're responsible for destroying the entire Equestria by accident... including me.

I decide to train The Settlers Arbalesters.