Absorb The Non-Issue

While petting me, you are distracted, and don't notice the large meteor that crushes us both.

I crawl out of the meteorite unharmed, and give you a Cup of Lifenoodles.
I eat the Cup of Lifenoodles, including the cup itself, and die due to ceramic shards cutting up my insides.

I try to destroy the meteorite that crushed us both with a pickaxe.
Your pickaxe handle isn't strong enough, so the head breaks off on the first swing and flies backwards, hitting me hard in the head.

The price of tea in China increases minimally.
You sneeze several times due to some passing allergen particles in the air, causing you to accidentally draw a very ugly horse. You find it funny, so you decide to keep it. Somehow an art critic finds out about it, and declares it a masterpiece of modern art! Crowds of people show up at your house to see the drawing, and one particularly excited mob tramples me on the sidewalk.

I play the piano.
It was a huge bird Pokemon that was carrying me in its talons. I have nothing to keep me suspended in midair and so I fall to my doom.

I fracture half of the bones in my body.
The broken pieces of them become quite sharp, and I get sliced quite badly after I rush over to help you, eventually bleeding out.

I make a cup of hot chocolate.
The tree was rather unsteady however, and the act of you putting the ornament on it causes it to start tipping over. I rush over and shove you out of the way, then get crushed by the tree, shocked by the lights, and showered in glass from the ornaments.

A Tabby slime
It playfully headbutts me right at the edge of a cliff, causing me to fall into the ocean and sink.

The power grid goes out.
The rapid-spinning ceiling fan I'm hanging on to stops rather abruptly, and I'm thrown into a bookshelf... which then falls on me.

I accidentally make a cringy joke late in the day after my ADHD meds have worn off.

(Why was this image from wings of fire wiki)

I draw a sine wave.
The other end was attached to me, and it drains my lifeforce to 0%.

A tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it.
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