Absorb The Non-Issue

No one... but the other trees! They gossip through mycorrhizal networks, the story being elaborated and changed, and the hyped-up rumors eventually reach a Territorial Oak, who now believes that I'm running around chopping down trees. It sneaks up behind me and explodes.

I open a Starburst package and both Starbursts are pink.
 
They're pink because my body was condensed into a tiny rectangle, sliced in half, and put inside that wrapper.

I eat a marshmallow.
 
Unfortunately, I just so happened to have bee turned into one after hearing that someone had gotten quite comfortable resting in hot chocolate, and did the same myself. The hot chocolate TF'd me into a marshmallow however, and that same chocolate was where you got the marshmallows from....

The TF hot chocolate is still there.
 
I jump into the TF hot chocolate, get turned into a marshmallow, and then get consumed by someone else.

I start licking a candy cane.
 
The candy cane is as big as a tree, and you wear away at a specific spot enough that it falls hard to the ground, hitting and breaking a fire hydrant. The intense jet of pressurized water throws me into the dense brick wall of a nearby elementary school.

A kid in the elementary school passes a note to the kid beside him.
 
The kid was a hitman, and the note contained my coordinates. I am later assassinated.

I listen to my music playlist.
 
I am distracted and walk into a dart trap.

I set up an herb farm.
 
The herbs are actually poison ivy, which catches fire, causing the itchy poisony thing to seep into my lungs making my lungs hurt and causing me to be unable to breathe.

I eat a bowl of cereal.
 
That was where I relocated after getting too warm in the hot chocolate...

My Internet is slow.
 
It's so slow that I can't hear it coming; it sneaks up behind me and beans me over the head with a steel bat.

Macey gives you a big hug!
Image 12-11-23 at 10.51 AM.jpeg
 
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A few days after Macey gave me a hug, a meteor strikes me as I walk past the exact place she hugged me.

I deal with the trolly problem.
 
You find a clever solution; you switch the track while the trolley runs over the intersection, causing it to derail... and hit me instead.

My sister is laughing and it's annoying.
 
It gets so annoying you finally just snap, and start murdering everyone in sight. And unfortunately, I was in your sight.


@Orchamut's character Cetaph.
 
Absorb the Non-Issue becomes Absorb the Basilisk.

I plant a tree.
 
I stand over it, and suddenly it grows a lot faster, growing through my own body.

I pet Iwrax's head(one of Orchamut's OCs).
 
She has no idea what you're doing, panics, and stomps on me by accident.

I change the temperature in the room.
 
You make the room too cold, so when I'm trying to spread butter on my toast it mashes the bread. Gordon Ramsay sees it and goes full WWE, suplexing me to death.

An inconsiderate plumber leaves a banana peel in the middle of the road.
 
a very old and very crap car drives into it and launches into the air before landing on the nearby nuke factory, which explodes, affecting the snake population

theres a water bottle on the table
 
I try to drink out of it, but I find out the hard way that a snake was sleeping inside it.

I start talking to Cetaph(another one of Orchamut's OCs).
I edit a forum post. (This post, actually, because I realized that I was basically forcing Orchamut to be the next person to continue this game otherwise after making this post...)
 
TechionPrime34 🌳 said:
I try to drink out of it, but I find out the hard way that a snake was sleeping inside it.

I start talking to Cetaph(another one of Orchamut's OCs).
I edit a forum post. (This post, actually, because I realized that I was basically forcing Orchamut to be the next person to continue this game otherwise after making this post...)
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, I also knew of Cetaph, and was in fact trying to pull myself out of the goo from him when you edited the post, changing history and somehow erasing me from existence.

I try to think of character designs...
 
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