Kill the Above Poster with the Weapon They Give You

InkTheAlphaCrafter said:
You realize that it, like Twitter, is a hellhole. This sudden realization gives you a heart attack.

Steam.
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Unfortunately, while you were expecting to get a service for games, instead you get the kind of steam that was once water, but is now several hundred degrees. And now you have degrees as well, third degrees, that is. In burns across your entire body.

Diesel.
 
timedeathe/maso said:
steam grows legs and steams you. this is a bit cursed

tumblr does this even exist in 2023
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(Definitely a horrible way to die for me...)
It does exist, and you see some VERY cursed art. You try to wash your eyes out with bleach, but as you do you loose your vision, and you accidentally start drinking it. But hey, you can't get COVID if it has a major mutation again...because you're dead.
Dragonwolf73 said:
Unfortunately, while you were expecting to get a service for games, instead you get the kind of steam that was once water, but is now several hundred degrees. And now you have degrees as well, third degrees, that is. In burns across your entire body.

Diesel.
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(Double kill!)
You were exposed to diesel, and you ended up getting lung cancer. You also decided to move to America recently, and when the doctor realized that you couldn't pay for the treatment they gave you, they reversed the process.

Spark.
(Check my OC page for him, but basically he's a pacifist with magic.)
 
Unfortunately, a problem with the postak system leads a letter from him being swapped with a letter from someone else. When you open this letter, it releases a shower of extremely hot sparks onto you, setting your clothing on fire, fatally burning you before you actually are able to process what happened and take action.

Posting at 3 in the morning on mobile while tired.
 
Since it seems there's no weapon given, I use myself again. I launched myself on to you, you managed to dodge, but you didn't realize that I made a second attack right after it. You got knocked by my shoulder and fell down the cliff, but you survived. Knowing that you survived, you tried to climb up, but then you realized that you didn't fall into a mere cliff, you fell into the mouth of the abyss instead. You died of the sixth layer curse of the abyss.

An interference unit.
 
Daikon Ocelot said:
Since it seems there's no weapon given, I use myself again. I launched myself on to you, you managed to dodge, but you didn't realize that I made a second attack right after it. You got knocked by my shoulder and fell down the cliff, but you survived. Knowing that you survived, you tried to climb up, but then you realized that you didn't fall into a mere cliff, you fell into the mouth of the abyss instead. You died of the sixth layer curse of the abyss.

An interference unit.
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i take the unit, and wait. it takes a while, possibly years. but eventually, you have to go under anesthesia for a surgery. no, its not for an issue that i caused. its for something routine. but thats when i strike. i bribe the surgery team into planting the device and a kinetic generator in you while you're under the knife. the kinetic generator ensures that your bodily movement always keeps it powered. the surgery is a success, and you go about your life as normal. but with one exception: devices around you seem to fail at random. eventually you find the pattern: anything involving wireless communication is bad. you manage, but public transit proves to always be a risk.
somehow, you seem to always evade death by this. i grow impatient. so i accelerate things. i start a harassment campaign against the business you work at, and it goes under. you're laid off. but luckily for you, a mystery employer is willing to offer you a job. its me. and the job requires traveling by plane a lot, but it pays well and after you tell me of your bad luck, i inform you that im willing to accommodate you by providing a faraday cage in the plane. too blinded by the zeroes in the estimated pay, you dont question how i know a faraday cage will help and accept the job. a few weeks later, its time for your first trip overseas. you board the private plane and get in the cage. little did you know, the cage can extend and change shape to also cover the plane's critical systems. the pilot takes off and after a few hours in the air, the cage shifts and the instruments start to fail. the pilot, being as green as i could possibly have hired, bails and only thinks of helping you *after* they've deployed their parachute. you die horribly over an abyss of blue.

a coffee machine. not the pot kinds but the k-cup kind
 
I decide to set one up in the break room of your workplace, making sure it has a constant supply of all of the materials required to brew an okay cup of coffee. And so, several people, most likely including you as well, begin using it. And nothing is technically wrong with it, that is, it functions as the manufacturer intended, or at least wasn't modified since manufacture. However, it has one flaw. The disposable pods used to make the coffee. You simply throw them in a bin marked for them without ever thinking of where they go, the bin is just emptied every night. But it is during on of these nights after several months of use that, sleeping quietly in bed in your own home, you hear a cracking sound from above you. Before you can even get up to investigate, the entire supply of used coffee pods falls through the ceiling and buries you, causing you to suffocate. Seems that someone somehow managed to stash all of the used pods in your home without you noticing.

Ezio Auditore da Firenze
 
wow ok nobody tried to bs a way to kill someone with this? okay ill take a shot. but first what even is th-

Ezio Auditore da Firenze is a fictional character in the video game series Assassin's Creed, an Italian master assassin who serves as the protagonist of the series' games set during the Italian Renaissance.
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...it... thats the mystery item nobody could think of a way to kill someone with? a LITERAL ASSASSIN? naw dog thats it, EVERYONE who participated in this page of the game gets killed with him now. er, by him?

whatever.

@rattlesnake jake is first on Ezio's hitlist. they awaken to find their entire computer setup has been replaced with Ezio Auditore da Firenze. while pondering how to even turn on the Ezio Auditore da Firenze gamer pc, they stab their finger with one of Ezio Auditore da Firenze's authentic knives on the Ezio Auditore da Firenze gamer set. they shrug this off as a papercut, and unfortunately die of blood loss later in the day. dont ask me why they had such a platelet deficiency that a cut on the finger was enough to kill them. maybe it was a triangular wound.

@Prince Ink is next. he finds that his WORK PC has been REPLACED with Ezio Auditore da Firenze. he confronts his boss about this, who accuses HIM of replacing the work pc with Ezio Auditore da Firenze. ANGRY at this outrage (because an entire work pc being replaced with Ezio Auditore da Firenze is quite the business expense), his boss slams his fist on the Ezio Auditore da Firenze, setting off one of his hidden guns and shooting himself in the leg. his boss, now outraged and given proper legal protection to do this, shoots him, killing him.

up next is @Daikon Ocelot. this one is real easy. with the power of video game glitches and magic, and a payoff of massive amounts of gold to the graphical game glitch gremlin, the interference unit that i had implanted in them a few months ago is replaced with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, splitting their body in half due to the sudden appearance of Ezio Auditore da Firenze right in the middle of them.

as a bonus before the last one, i did the original poster of this thread. @Idelac0 who i cannot mention for some reason. they find themself transported to a MANSION that is now theirs to keep. they decide to sleep in the first floor bedroom, saving upstairs for later. overnight, every molecule of this mansion is replaced with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, crushing them under the weight of so many Ezio Auditore da Firenzes in one place. Ezio Auditore da Firenze? Ezio Auditore da Firenzei? whats the plural of Ezio Auditore da Firenze?

and last, @Dragonwolf73. while taking a trip in a plane for the sake of flying in a plane, they find that the entire plane's parts have spontaneously been replaced with paper that has Ezio Auditore da Firenze printed on it. all the passengers? replaced with Ezio Auditore da Firenze. flight attendants? Ezio Auditore da Firenze. the pilot and co-pilot? Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

the plane crashes in the bermuda triangle. or, as its now called, the Ezio Auditore da Firenze triangle.









the Ezio Auditore da Firenze triangle
 
Well, with the calibre of such an anamoly, capable of replacing any noun with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, with difficulty in containment, a large threat to normality, and evidently lethal effects, this is beyond even the SCP foundation to handle.
So the GOC comes in, all of their tools ready to quickly and permanently destroy this anomaly. The centre of it: The Ezio Auditore da Firenze Triangle. Unfortunately, your brand new CF-100 recently just turned into Ezio Auditore da Firenze while flying over the triangle, trapping you inside the Ezio Auditore da Firenze, while you wear an Ezio Auditore da Firenze. This makes the GOC mistake you for an Ezio Auditore da Firenze, and they destroy you.

The entirety of The Last Post Wins.
 
Dragonwolf73 said:
Well, with the calibre of such an anamoly, capable of replacing any noun with Ezio Auditore da Firenze, with difficulty in containment, a large threat to normality, and evidently lethal effects, this is beyond even the SCP foundation to handle.
So the GOC comes in, all of their tools ready to quickly and permanently destroy this anomaly. The centre of it: The Ezio Auditore da Firenze Triangle. Unfortunately, your brand new CF-100 recently just turned into Ezio Auditore da Firenze while flying over the triangle, trapping you inside the Ezio Auditore da Firenze, while you wear an Ezio Auditore da Firenze. This makes the GOC mistake you for an Ezio Auditore da Firenze, and they destroy you.

The entirety of The Last Post Wins.
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I force you to read the whole thing, each individual post, without stopping. You won’t get food or water until you finish, meaning you die of dehydration.

A singular Lego brick. 2x2 if it matters.
 
As simple as it would be to, say, have you step on it, that's not what I'm going to do. Instead, I force you to file the brick to make it more painful to step on, then make you watch everyone you've ever cared about step on it. After that's done, you are tasked with taking care of the bodies. However, I may or may not have accidentally left the brick in your path, causing you to finally step on it, instantly killing you.

A blank DnD character sheet.
 
I ignore every rules about DnD character creation, doing everything wrong, causing some Dungeon Master to go berserk on everyone within 50 metres. You happen to be standing on the 49th metres.

A tinderbox
 
I use the tinderbox to kindle a fire in which i use to burn you alive.

You must use a piece of math homework with exactly 17 questions on it to defeat me!
 
Im_ConfuzzledCobalt said:
I use the tinderbox to kindle a fire in which i use to burn you alive.

You must use a piece of math homework with exactly 17 questions on it to defeat me!
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Have fun doing calculus! By the time you get those done, you’ll probably have died from old age. You have no means of getting help either and they ALL have to be correct, you have to show your work too.

A non-sharpened old pencil
 
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