The Land of the Dead (Text Adventure)

"Your eyes, what caused the, that." Greyton points towards Garrun's entire face. "Also what did you just do to me?"
 
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Greyton currently.
 
(Well, it appears that some people have gotten a tad slack with their updating,and it ain't @Demon God Ivuul , who decided to allow me to do this)

Ahem, is this thing on?

Good, being a timeless godlike entity in the domain of motivations, particularly the one of your delightful torment, we appear to be having some technical difficulties at the moment, some of the cosmic playthings that I currently take fancy to(See;Enjoy tormenting for my amusement) appear to have clogged up the line of thought, now usually, I'd just wait for 'the playwright' to resolve this, but this does not appear to be happening for a little while, he is a large degree more patience than me, but then again, he has other things to do, so I decided to start a show or something, and this is the first episode!

Now you might be wondering, "Is this canon?", answer? Probably not, my existence is as theoretical as many of the courses of action that run through your heads. Anyway, I guess we'll go through by a segmented format, speaking off, it appears I'm already being sent in questions through other lines of thought, lets read some of them!

First question! From a demon hunter... Probably works in the gel industry... "Are you with the forces of hell?"...
  • No, but disco is a special kind of suffering, so I can see why you asked, I believe the closest thing you could compare me to is one of those Eldritch beings, except my existence isn't exactly confirmed(See;Not Necessarily Canon), and I'm contractually obligated not to mess with things directly, unfortunately, I didn't read some of the fine text, so I'm practically here to indirectly torment people until further notice.

Anyway, onto the next question... This one is from some 'seer', even though a real seer would see this answer from a mile away, "Why are you picking on that Varvin guy?"
  • Because I'm also contractually obligated to work with the Karma guy, he's slightly annoying, very much acts like a person who is described as a more vulgarly put way of saying female canine. But that doesn't answer your question, I've also taken note of this guy because he is VERY LOUD, and VERY ANGRY! That just happens to make him a perfect target for some of my antics.

Now that the Varvin question is out of the way, onto the last question, from a mohawker of all people... "WHO HAS BEST MOHAWK?", hmm, you kinda all loo- "Sir, you probably shouldn't say that on air, we already get enough complaints about bullying the child abuser for some reason..."

Well, I guess question time ended on a disappointing note... So lets put up a survey.
Which of these would be the most horrifying?
  • Buckets of Fried Chicken turned Zombie!
  • Those fake pumpkin people that are actually some idiot's golems!
  • Functional gel heads!

Tune in next time!

(Feel free to submit questions in case another episode of this comes, but don't expect to be able to really use any knowledge gained ingame, you can even send them in the way your character would, if you want!)
 
A piece of mail slides in the slot. It has a wax seal on the front with a creepy generic spirit stamped in. There's no address, to or from, on the back. The paper inside is slightly ripped up line paper, as though it was taken out of a notebook by a 5-year old.

Inside, there is some stuff written - obviously - with very bad handwriting in pink crayon.

Dear Santa, (This is crossed out.)

For Christmas, I want to know if anyone else is like me______

The e trails off, as though the writer started choking as they were about to finish.
The text that follows is a flowing, easy-to-understand cursive. ...in crayon.

More importantly, does anyone know my (crossed out) owner's name? Anyone at all?

-Anon
 
A surprisingly neat and clean letter is sent.

The hand writing is in complete cursive.

Is there someone out there who is more angry then I, cause I am having strange feelings in my gut, oh yeah right.

-The Post-Telephone Operator
 
Phaedra looks at the broken-down BFG.
"This is a piece of junk! I've fired pipe guns more durable than this!"
He tosses it next to the dead deer-creature and aims his revolver at the Empty Armor.
As he's aiming, he gets an idea and aims it instead at the chain suspending the chandelier from the ceiling, and pulls the trigger.
 
Hello, I- damn pen. Oh, I hate blue. Damn it all.
Hello. I am Phaedra Trunkhoff.
My presentation is quaint, and is as follows:
You appear to be omniscient.
There's a little crab shack off the border of Nebraska named Banko's. Inside works a woman by the name of Jessica Ruther. She's one harpy woman with a heart of silver who hates me dearly, though I have a vested interest in her well being. Is she well?
Best regards,
Phaedra.
 
~~~~Radio~~~~
The Radio is taken over by a rather hostile talkshow, IT’S CANON NOW! *Infernal Screeching*

~~~~Greyton (@Xmax360)~~~~
HP: 274/301 LVL: 2
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Grimwich City
~~~And~~~
~~~~Fred (@tappaja100)~~~~
HP: 79/200 LVL: 1
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Grimwich City
~~~And~~~
~~~~Brother Garrun (@IHATETHISSIGNUP / Jedinate)~~~~
Body HP: 210/210
Head HP: 200/200 LVL:2
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Grimwich City


Greyton and Garrun have a conversation, while garrun asks to know what mario sells
Mario of the Non super Kind: I sell various odds and ends, like this here mushroom. And this gold plated ninja star, or this turtle shell that i got one day from am amazon package with a ? spray painted on it.
Greyton begins to think that he is talking to THE Super Mario.

Fred leaves the bar and looks around, he sees greyton talking to a monk man at the marketplace.

~~~~The Despicable Varvin Arthan (@Person999)~~~~
HP: 231/254 LVL 2
Current Location: Castle of Souls: First Floor Dining Room
~~~And~~~
~~~~Phaedra (@Madder)~~~~
HP: 319/425 LVL:2
Current Location: Castle of Souls: First Floor Dining Room
~~~And~~~
~~~~Magnus (@TheGuy)~~~~
HP: 452/452 LVL 2
Current Location: Castle of Souls: First Floor Dining Room
~~~And~~~
~~~~Dollie (@Sky High)~~~~
HP: 200/200 LVL: 1
Current Location: Castle of Souls: First floor Dining Room


Phaedra: 319/425
Magnus: 452/452
Varvin: 111/254
Dollie: 200/200
VS
Empty Armor: 200/600 [SLOWNESS]

Magnus stands there doing nothing, a small skeleton spider makes a web on his head.
Before anyone could strike, the Empty Armor performed a multithrust at blinding speed!
All 4 attacks hit varvin and broke through his parry and defences! The armor attacks with full on intent on killing!
30 damage!
30 damage!
30 damage!
30 damage!
120 damage total done to Varvin!
Dollie begins to Cry, Empty Armors speed has drastically dropped!
Phaedra takes aim and shoots the giant chandeliers chain! It drops on the Empty armor!
It did 100 damage!
CHANCE!
The Empty armor has been staggered from that attack! it cannot act until the end of next turn!

~~~~Benevolent Tingler (@Deputy Hue)~~~~
Body HP: 300/300
Head HP: 300/300 LVL 1
Current Location: Pumpkin Yard: Truce Town


Checklist:
Ghoul Eye: get these from Ghouls, they are all over the damn place, just leave town and look for the starving clawed humanoids.
Rotten Brain: Obtain these from Feral Zombies, another common monster. They aren’t using these anymore anyways.[DONE]
The Mohawk of a Mohawker: There is a small small camp of them to the west of town, just take this shaver, get it for me and flee. At least i THINK That is hair… [DONE]

Tingler says his first words in the entire game
*High pitched EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE’s of terror*
I’m so proud of him.

He stomps the Feral zombie into a bloody mess and pulls out the brain, he feels bad that he was so brutal on the feral beast.
Got the brain!
Somehow the nearby Bloater zombie hasn’t noticed Tingler even after his screech that even Death in his castle could hear...
 
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The empty armor stands back up, it's malice feels ever more present. It grabs the chandelier as an improvised weapon, and starts spin extremely rapidly, before racing around room at high speeds, whoever this will hits is a mystery even to me. (Simplified: Use Rapid Spin, but with that chandelier as an improvised weapon)

(Note from the future to readers:I didn't notice the staggering, I personally think this attack is pretty rule of cool though)
 
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“I... if you don’t mind me asking, how is any of this except for the mushroom food? I haven’t eaten anything since I woke up in this land.”
 
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