Absorb The Non-Issue

[Marcato]

The fridge system leaks to the floor below where I die of suffocation.

I glue a fake tongue to a pole at an elementary school.

 

[Ketsui/Kezzai]

The pole comes to life and licks me to death

I exist

 

[Ivyss]

Unfortunately you required more atoms than what were available, and as such, I get pretty much disintegrated to provide atoms for you.

I am in pain.

 

[Doodles]

Your pain is contagious, I am also in pain.

I present an opinion on the internet

 

[Ivyss]

I disagree with your opinion so I get so mad I die of a heart attack, as is internet tradition.

I die of a heart attack.

 

[Doodles]

my ultra wordplay skills turn your heart attack into an attack heart
It kills me

I ironically say that copper shortsword is good

 

[Ivyss]

I believed you to be giving me a tip and tried to kill DG with it. I don't think I need to explain further.

I'm hungry, but food doesn't exist.

 

[Doodles]

No food exists anywhere, everyone starves.

Twitter exists

 

[Ivyss]

I make the mistake of going on there.

I feel really physically uncomfortable.

 

[Streyll]

I throw a TF potion at you to see if that helps. It doesn't, and you kill me.

I should be doing something else, but I'm not.

 

[Ivyss]

The thing you should be doing is saving me from the person about to shoot me.

I get shot.

 

[Streyll]

The bullet goes through you and hits me.

I open a can.

 

[Ivyss]

The air inside the can had gotten to be toxic and I breathed it in.

I die from a poisoning.

 

[Streyll]

I sacrifice myself to revive you.

I put a fan in a window.

 

[Ivyss]

It disturbs my flight just enough that I crash into a building.

I summon the chair.

 

[Doodles]

It's too menacing to handle.

I make an @everyone ping on discord

 

[Streyll]

You then try to use it to ping everyone, but I don't have discord, so I don't get pinged. You then kill me so you can ping everyone.

I fix a sink.

 

[Ivyss]

This leads to the boat we are on sinking due to the fact sink and sink are the same word. I drown.

There are too many times in language where a singular word has multiple completely different meanings.

 

[Streyll]

To prove your point I decide to look at a plant. I then get killed by chemicals being produced at the plant.

I close a window.

 

[Ivyss]

I was about to fly in through it before you closed it but I didn't have enough time to stop myself and crashed through, getting serious injuries from the broken glass and bled out.

I die from injuries caused by broken glass.