Absorb The Non-Issue

The cat develops an undying bloodlust, killing me who was nearby.

I take a shower.
 
You use up all of the water, just before I was about to drink some. I die a few hours later of dehydration.

I fall asleep.
 
On top of my head, and your morbid obesity suffocates me.

I lick a lollipop.
 
The lolipop was poisoned, causing you to die, and I get blamed for your death. I later get executed.

I get executed for something I very definitely probably did not do.
 
However it turns out that was actually part of your plan as the day of the execution you body swap with me so I die instead while you get away in my body.

That chain of events occurred.
 
Except the body swap failed to work properly, causing me to die when you died.

I fill a pool with water.
 
I try to swim in it, but then I remember I cannot, and it's too late to get out of it as I drown in it.

I decide to analyse the chain of events for any mistakes.
 
You find one, and I kill myself out of shame.

I decide to plug in my computer so I can play Age of Empires.
 
You plug it into the socket incorrectly, so when I go near, I get shocked by electricity and killed while you're massacring my troops and base that was left leaderless.

I decide to move a 5G tower in so I'll have better signal.
 
You decide to use eminent domain on my house to make room for if, which leaves me homeless and I perish from the elements

I post a bit of lore for my OC Pancake
 
It's such a shocking reveal I have a heart attack.

I haven't had food yet today.
 
I haven't either, and I starve

I feel worse than usual
 
You decide that I'm responsible, so you kill me to feel better.

I plug in a table saw.
 
I fall on it and get my head sawed off.

I get killed in an accident with a table saw.
 
Your body gets sent flying by the saw, and ends up hitting me. This leads to one of your fangs impaling me, and I die from venom.

I turn on a ceiling fan.
 
It was improperly installed, leading to it falling and crushing me.

My mouse keeps registering single clicks as double.
 
Which means that when you accidentally click on a button that kills me, you also click confirm because your mouse likes doing double clicks.

I hang a sword on the wall.
 
You secured it a bit too loosely and it fell, and went through my head.

I post a picture.
 
It's of me being killed.

I turn on a treadmill.
 
You gave it too much power and there were objects on it so the objects got launched at me and I failed to dodge and they killed me.

I get killed by objects launched by a high velocity tredmill.
 
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