I managed to pull these off even though they exceeded the maximum characters:
Original text:
"“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!” "
...43 translations later, Yandex gives us:
"When life makes you lemons into lemonade, let life take the lemons back! Lemon didn't do x, I don't want you to judge? After meeting with the prime Minister, who is responsible for ensuring life, we're looking for! This is a decision on the day, rice cereal, I'm sorry, I love lemon! You have to know who I am actually, I don't want to know who I am, the wood, and lemon, and I want to be an engineer, I can't burn down the house toss with lemon!! "
Original text:
"Well here we are again It's always such a pleasure Remember when you tried to kill me twice? Oh how we laughed and laughed Except I wasn't laughing Under the circumstances I've been shockingly nice You want your freedom? Take it That's what I'm counting on I used to want you dead but Now I only want you gone She was a lot like you (Maybe not quite as heavy) Now little Caroline is in here too One day they woke me up So I could live forever It's such a shame the same will never happen to you You've got your short sad life left That's what I'm counting on I'll let you get right to it Now I only want you gone Goodbye my only friend Oh, did you think I meant you? That would be funny if it weren't so sad Well you have been replaced I don't need anyone now When I delete you maybe I'll stop feeling so bad Go make some new disaster That's what I'm counting on You're someone else's problem Now I only want you gone Now I only want you gone Now I only want you... gone "
...43 translations later, Yandex gives us:
"And now here we are again. We will always do... Remember, we have a little more time. Two people have died... What we laughed with each other. You will not lose anything Very It's a strange thing. I want to be free? It I love I want to die. But I want to get out of here. You (This will be very difficult) Now little Caroline is in here. I wake up It's always been. It's a scary thing. . You can do it In summary, I don't know. I love I said it's my choice I want to get out of here. Hi, I'm a man I know it's personal? Could be interesting If you're tired. What I mean is, will be changed. I believe in you. Don't get it. You need to stop feeling like this. You won't be bored. I love This guy is not a problem. I want to get out of here. I want to get out of here. Besides,I'm just trying to understand this. "