Absorb The Non-Issue

[Tibithia Σ]

The bookshelf breaks my hardsuit, and I effectively die of heat. Because the effects of that TF substance never went away.

I get a sudden realization that I should be dead by now.

 

[Akira Nishikiyama]

I sacrifice myself so that I would die instead.

I make dragon burgers.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I attempt to stop you, but trip, and end up burning myself.

I burn myself on a grill.

 

[Akira Nishikiyama]

I try to get you out of the grill but I fall into the air fryer, becoming a chicken nugget. I am eaten by a 5 year old.

I lock the cupboard filled with TF potions.

 

[Ivyss]

Someone tries to break it open and knocks every single one of the potions on me, making me some kind of mutated mass of every single species all at once so I suffer for the last few seconds that I somehow miraculously am alive.

I get every single TF potion spilled on me all at once.

 

[Streyll]

I run over to see what's going on and accidentally step in both a dragon and avali TF potion, causing me to transform into some kind of hybrid, before dying of the heat.

There are still multiple spilt TF potions all over the ground.

 

[Akira Nishikiyama]

I mop up the spills with my mop, which transforms into a massive chicken which eats me.

I am eaten by the chicken instead of me eating the chicken.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I attempt to get rid of the massive chicken by ramming a helicopter into it, but the helicopter blows up in my face.

I get blown up mid-air.

 

[Streyll]

Well, I guess it was a bad time for me to be in that helicopter.

I tell Charles to shut off the power.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I end up dying in the following crash, because I forgot to grab a parachute.

I stubbed my toe.

 

[Streyll]

...On my dead body. Because you killed me a few minutes earlier.

I call the Centre For Chaos Containment from the Henry Stickmin series.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

They launch a nuke at my location.

I'm thinking of maybe going to Aperture Science for my job instead.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

And your first job? Press a button. Obvious answer - I'm screwed. (Push button - incirnerated. Nope - choked by neurotoxins.)

I call the Imperial Army Containment Unit

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to lock myself in a safe room, but I get locked out of it, so I'm ed.

I accidentally locked the safe room, preventing anybody from getting in.

 

[Ivyss]

All the food is in there. I starve to death.

I starve to death.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I also realize all the food is in the locked safe room, and I starve to death.

Two people have starved to death.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

I realize - wait, what sort of person would rely on safe room for food? I go to farm, but then starve to death while waiting for food to grow.

Three creatures have starved to death.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I try to clear the bodies, realize my body is there, and die from paradox.

I accidentally caused a paradox.

 

[Flask & Vella the Latias]

The result is that I get killed way before I starve to death.

The history was rewritten - I am dead.

 

[Tibithia Σ]

I attempt to fix it, and it kills me.

I get killed in an attempt to fix history.