Kyouko Tsukino
Steampunker
Ever wondered what would happen if the fate of Terraria was in the hands of the NPCs? We would be totally screwed, probably. Anyhow, this is something I started out of boredom, don't have a lot of it done but I decided to post what's done now, and whenever I finish one of the remaining chapters I'll update the thread. So, without any further pointless babbling from me, let's start!
The NPC Chronicles.
By Kyouko Tsukino (fka Razor Knight.)
Version 1.3:
Chapter 1 - Legend of the Player
Old Version:
The room was similar to every other room in that cold, forsaken place. Hastily placed wooden boards tried to pass as solid walls, and a single, dim torch jammed between two boards of the northern wall was the only source of both heat and light. Normally, placing a torch so close to wood would have been a bad idea, but with the cold wind constantly pouring in through the many cracks in the makeshift walls and roof, the room could never get hot enough for a fire to start.
She looked at the other woman in the room as they both stood on opposite sides of the wooden table - a table which was the only ornament this room had, other than an equally wooden, and equally uncomfortable chair. After mulling over the fact he considered this a proper room for her, she decided to speak her mind. "Something needs to be done about our current situation."
The woman smiled. "It will be okay, Lune."
"It won't, Amy. Do you know where he is right now?"
Amy, the nurse, stared at the table for a few seconds before looking at her friend again. "I saw him walk out of the base, he said something about building another tower."
"Of course he's doing that. That's the only thing he does!"
"Lune, there is no-"
"Shut up and listen," Lunette, the Dryad, snapped, "he's been around for one whole week now. I know Calvin is just happy to take the money that idiot brings back from his wood-gathering trips - and I'm not even going to wonder where he gets money from - and Garrett is too stuck on the legends to see what's happening, but I thought you, at least, would understand."
"I know he's not living up to our expectations, but perhaps we should give him some more time to-"
"More time?" Lunette shouted, "That idiot has been around for a whole damn week! He should already be done clearing the Dungeon by now, but instead he's just building
-ugly towers for no reason other than destroying the few trees around the snowlands."
"And yet, he's the Chosen One, the one the legends speak of. What can we do?"
"We can stop trusting an old fairy tale book written by an unknown nobody, who's already dead and probably laughing at our stupidity from the afterlife."
"Are you implying what I think you are-"
"We kick that building-crazy out of this place, and then fix our problems ourselves."
"But he's got weapons."
"Weapons? A copper shortsword and a wooden boomerang aren't weapons. Any idiot who fell down into a hole in this biome could get better stuff than he has."
"Like that ice boomerang you have..."
"That's my point. If he tries something stupid, I at least hope he has enough brainpower to realize we can respawn, and he can't."
"I don't know, resorting to violence is not-"
"And yet you are okay with the legend which speaks of a hero who resorts to a whole damn lot of violence to save the world."
"... Damn it, Lune." Amy thought about it all for a minute, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed to her like her friend was right, and the legends were a dud. Finally, she let out a long sigh before smiling. "I'm tired of living in a cramped room made of dead wood. I'll help you."
"You can't fight."
"I won't fight," Amy corrected, "but I can still heal others."
Razor couldn't really complain. Well, he could complain about being thrown into a crappy planet with no way of going back home, but he had found a way to have fun in this place. He would build a city, and perhaps others like him would then gather. Because, frankly, the companions he had gathered thus far were pretty worthless in a fight. And speaking of worthless things... "Oh, hello there, Lune."
Lunette leaned on the outer wall of Razor's room - which, unlike every other room in the base, was made out of gold bricks and furnished properly - and stared evenly at him. "I guess this means there's another phallic construction adorning the landscape now. No, wait, don't answer that, I can see it from here. It's a wonder a tower made out of cacti can be that high and not fall under its owning weight."
Razor saw the Nurse, Merchant and Guide all walking to the Dryad. "Uhm, hi guys. If you excuse me, I have to drop what I gathered on my way back into my chest, so-"
The Dryad blocked his path. "Where are you going?"
"I would think the words 'my chest' would be a big hint, Lune - not as big as your chest, but close. I'm going into my room."
Lunette ignored his lame attempt at flirting. "That's no longer your room. In fact, none of the rooms in this building are yours anymore."
"What the are you talking about? Did you sniff some vile mushroom dust again, plantgirl?"
"I'm talking about us kicking your useless out of this place. Go away, go build elsewhere, get eaten by a vulture, we don't care."
"Oh, the uselesss I built homes for think they can rebel. How quaint."
The Merchant walked to him. "You know, I am the only one who would still side with you, due to you being my one monetary income source. But seeing how the fair Dryad offered to bring back coins whenever she explores, and seeing how you're a first class jerk, then..." He suddenly pulled a large golden chest and effortlessly tossed it at Razor, who leapt to the side, letting out a gasp as the chest sank into the snow, a thud signaling its encounter with solid ice.
"What the, Calvin, that could have killed me."
"I know, I have to improve my aim," Calvin joked. "Anyhow, that's the money you gave me, I've decided I will not take money from imbeciles."
"Damn it, you morons... If it's a fight you want, then what do you think will happen? You losers can respawn, do you think I care about beating you all up?"
Lunette laughed at that. "Actually, I expected you to be smart enough to realize you won't respawn."
"We don't know that yet," Razor noted.
"Want to find out?" Lunette said, pulling out her icy boomerang.
"Icy you came prepared to this battle."
"Know what I will most definitely not miss? His piss-stupid puns," Garrett commented from the side.
"So, you plan on fighting me all at once?"
Lunette shook her head. "They won't, and they don't need to."
"I've been fighting mobs for a whole week while you just sat here doing nothing. What hopes do you have-"
"Shut the hell up already. I was born and raised in the damning jungle. There's wasps in there that make an eater of souls look like a harmless bunny. An idiot with a shortsword, a boomerang and a cactus armor? I wouldn't even call it a fight."
Razor chuckled at that. "I was told to never hit a lady. Fortunately, you're not one."
"Oh boy, now you've done it," Calvin mused.
Lunette glared at Razor. "I'm going to shove this boomerang so far up where the sun doesn't shine, you'll be vomiting igloos for months."
"It's on," Razor snapped and charged, going for a slash to the face. Lunette blocked with her boomerang, and then leapt over his head, using the boomerang to knock him down to the ground. "Hmph, so you can fight after all."
"Just leave before you get really hurt."
"Likewise," Razor snapped before jumping straight up from the ground, going for a vertical slash. Lunette was ready for it, however, and simply dodged back, hitting the airborn "Chosen One" square in the chest with her boomerang, and as he fell down, she unceremoniously held him down by pinning his neck down with her weapon. "Damn it..."
Lunette frowned. "Last warning, go away or you'll get hurt for real."
"Okay, okay, I give up," Razor muttered. As Lunette started to stand up, however, he jammed his sword on her leg. "Oh wait, I actually don't."
Amy flinched as Lunette screamed in pain, but then saw Razor pull the sword off, so she quickly started using her healing. "A single warrior can't win against all of us."
"I'll just take down the healer, then," Razor snapped and took a step in Amy's direction. However, a dozen bunnies hopped onto his path. "Uh, okay. Bunnies. That's going to scare me off for sure."
Lunette showed him a small, violet bag. "Yes, it will."
"... You wouldn't dare. They'll eat your face off."
"You know so little about wild animals, oh Chosen One. If you spent more time befriending the ones who don't attack you, instead of killing them, you would be able to do this," and as she said that, Lunette sprinkled the vile dust all over the rabbits, which immediately turned purple with rage. However, instead of targeting the closest food sources, they decided to charge at Razor.
"Uh..." Razor stood frozen for only a second, then took off running. "You'll pay for this, all of you!" he shouted once he had run far enough to only be faintly heard.
"So, now what?" Garrett asked.
"Now, we do what that loser should have been doing. We fight and restore balance to this planet before it's too late."
"You think we should just let him go, though?"
"He'll just go build another tower elsewhere and eventually get killed by some large bug," Lunette said dismissively. "I mean, what could he possibly do to threaten us?"
"Tempting fate is not wise," Calvin noted, "and he could get better weapons out there."
"Then we'll have to get better weapons ourselves. Hell, it's not like we don't have to do that if we want to defeat the evil ones, so I suppose we'll take care of the Useless One along the way."
"And there we go," Lunette said.
"Frankly, I thought you didn't like that guy because he wasted his time building," Calvin noted as he looked at the new snow brick buildings they had just finished. He had to admit, though, that snow bricks were a lot better at keeping the heat and sealing the outside weather than one would expect them to be.
"We do need a base," Lunette muttered.
"We'll be able to fight better if we can get proper sleep in actual beds," Amy explained.
"You keep using 'we' when you talk about fighting," Lunette said, "but really, aren't you just a healer?"
Even before the Dryad had finished her phrase, the Nurse had rushed forwards, taking a gold longsword out of seemingly nowhere, and stopped her charge with the blade milimeters away from the other woman's throat. "I'm a healer, but I can fight if I have to."
"... Sorry for underestimating you, then," the Dryad said, then looked at Amy's weapon. "You had that sword with you-"
"As you said, any idiot can get better weapons than those that guy had."
"So that makes two of our group who can fight," Calvin noted.
Lunette looked at him. "Huh, I thought-"
"I can throw heavy stuff at people, yes, but that's not really too useful in a fight."
Garret walked to them. "I can't fight, but... I memorized the legend, and can tell you where to go and what to do if you want to destroy the evil in this world."
"Assuming the rest of that legend is not garbage," Lunette noted.
"Fair enough, but we don't have a clue where to start otherwise," the Guide pointed, "so what would you rather do, stay here and build a snow castle?"
"Or we could wait until Lune falls into another hole," Amy joked.
"Ha ha freaking ha," Lunette said, "So, how the heck do we get one of those bosses to show up?"
"From what I read, there's a handful of weak bosses you could fight. The first is the Eye of Cthulhu, who can be summoned by killing enough floating eyes at night."
"No specific number?" Amy asked.
"I guess that I'll go out at night and kill eyes. I'll know how many are enough when I see a giant eye appear. What about the other bosses?"
"One in the Corruption, one in the Crimson, one in the Jungle, and one in the Dungeon. There's legends of a giant slime who could show up if you murder enough surface slimes, but that may be as real as the legend of the pink slime."
"Oh, I heard that one before. I've been alive long enough to know that one's most likely raw, unadultered derpling."
Amy smiled at that. "Right, so, tonight we go hunting-"
"I go hunting for bosses, it may not be safe for-" Lunette started, then saw Amy holding her gold sword. "Oh, right. I could use the help. What about you, guys?"
"Sorry lass, but I'm useless in combat," Calvin admitted.
"Same here," Garret said.
"It's okay. We need someone to stay here in case mister legendary fraud comes back. Here."
Garret looked at the bag of vile powder. "You mean..."
The Dryad smiled "my pets are in my room, just open the door, add some dust, and you'll have an anti-hero squad ready to go."
"Oh. Good luck with your hunting, then."
Lunette saw the sun was already going down. "Don't worry, eye'll be back soon."
"Ugh, don't you turn into him," Amy muttered.
"Can't happen, my jokes and my looks are both better than his."
"Your ego, tho, is quite up to par," Amy noted.
"Keep that up and I'll drop you down a corruption chasm."
Once the night fell in their world, things would often get interesting. There were several creatures out there that, while stronger than the average slime, were also allergic to sunlight. Still, the two women were not afraid - both the zombies and floating eyes lacked any intelligence or strategic ability, so they were easy to read and either avoid or kill.
Amy had surprised Lunette. Yes, they had been friends ever since they met, but that hadn't been too long ago, and she didn't know just how good her friend was with a sword. While Lunette focused on killing floating eyes, Amy was keeping the zombies at bay, sometimes using throwing knives to push the enemy back. It was a relatively easy battle, but Lunette was having fun.
But it was also taking too long. She had lost count of how many eyes she had killed, and Amy's white outfit was covered in red - and none of the blood was Amy's. "Damn it, I wish that big eye thing would hurry up and-" Lunette's complaint was interrupted by a loud shriek, and she blinked in disbelief as she saw a large eyeball floating to them. "Huh, if I had known complaining about it not being summoned was the way to summon it..."
"Focus," Amy noted. True, they had weapons, but that thing looked big enough to only need to fall on them to kill them both.
"Don't worry, I'm ready for it," Lunette said, taking a handful of shuriken out of her backpack.
The eyeball stared at them - hard for it not to do it, since, you know, no eyelids - and then shrieked again, before something quite strange happened: small floating eyes shot out of its pupil, straight at the Dryad. But she was ready for that, and quickly threw her icy boomerang at them, slicing them all in one calculated throw. The boomerang kept flying, and hit the eye dead on. The end result was an eye with an icy boomerang stuck in its iris.
"Ow, that looks painful," Amy commented.
Lunette smiled as the Eye screeched and shook, trying to get the boomerang off. "Hope that helps him chill."
The eye growled and charged at Lunette, boomerang and all. However, Lunette smirked and tossed a shuriken at it, hitting it square in the iris, and stopping its charge. "Sure you can try, but you won't win, eyeball."
Amy sighed in exhasperation. "Ugh. Seriously, Lune, stop the puns."
"Right." Lunette looked up at the Eye, that was now spinning. "Hey, what the heck is it doin-" She stopped and blinked in shock as pieces of the eye flew in all directions, and she saw the whole center of it was gone, replaced by teeth as large as her arms. "What the hell?"
"Guess you made it angry."
"Oh crap."
"What?"
"Well, I kinda used all my shuriken in one shot, and my boomerang was in one of the pieces that flew up and away, so..."
"You're telling me you packed no other weapon?"
"Uh, yeah."
Amy sighed. "I suggest we move to a better location to plan our strategy better."
"Meaning, a retreat?"
"Yup."
Lunette sighed. Looking at the eye-mouth-thing, she could only agree a retreat was the best course of action. But still... She noticed something and smiled. "Screw strategy. Catch me if you can, you stupid eye!"
Amy saw Lunette running away, and cringed as the eye flew after her. "Be careful!" Lune rolled on the ground, avoiding the Eye's charge barely. The eye flew up, then came down for another try at biting the Dryad's head off. However, the dryad was ready for it, and tossed something - Amy couldn't see what - at the Eye, who stopped and... Coughed? "Huh, what-"
"I don't mind playing dirty," Lunette noted as the eye tried to spit all the dirt she had thrown at it out of its mouth. But she couldn't stay and chat, she had to check if what she had seen was true. Yes, there it was, now she only had to-
"Lune!" Amy cried out, but it was too late. The Eye had recovered just as the Dryad tried to run away, and had rushed down, catching her in one fell swoop. The Nurse was ready to poke that thing with her sword until it died - or it killed her - when it noticed something. The eye was whimpering?
Lunette leapt out of a hole (which Amy hadn't noticed until then) and smiled as the eye exploded into countless chunks of purple and red goo. "Oh yeah, I love it when luck actually helps for a change."
"What... What the heck happened?"
"I saw something golden in that hole, and I decided to check on it. I was right, it was a golden chest, and as I hoped, there was something to use against that eyesore."
"Dynamite," Amy said, finally figuring out what had happened.
Lunette was already examining the goo. It had solidified fast, and it now looked like countless purple and red 'rocks.' "Oh hey, Demonite and Crimtane ores. We can make weapons and armor out of these."
"Using a monster's innards to make gear? Disgusting."
"We make torches out of slime innards, tho."
"Fair point. Let's pick these and go back home." Amy saw Lune staring into the distance, and frowned. "Lune?"
The Dryad pointed north. "That son of a tortoise, next time I see him he's going to be SO hurt..."
Amy looked at what her friend was pointing at, and could agree with her remark. A large building could be seen, countless torches making it easy to see even in the pale moon light. A building shaped like a fist, but with its middle finger stretched, pointing upwards. "See the bright side, Lune. He's wasting his time doing that, while we're already one step ahead of him."
"You're right, let's go, the sooner we get there the sooner I can craft a spear I can stick up that loser's-"
"Yes, yes, I know," Amy said, not eager to hear the end of that phrase, and quite sure she knew how it would end.
Amy had to admit that Lune seemed to know what she was doing. However, there was something odd about her choice of gear. "Uhm, why is your armor like... That?"
"What do you mean?"
"It looks just like your normal suit, except purple."
"It's an old trick I learnt back home. I can dye any piece of gear I like, or even parts of it."
"So you dyed parts of your armor... Transparent?" Calvin asked. He thought the armor looked much better than the normal "shadow" armor, but he wasn't going to say that out loud, as he wasn't sure whether the Dryad would take it as a compliment or an attempt at flirting.
"If I can't look the way I want while wearing an armor, then I would rather use my plain clothes."
"At least your weapons are normal enough," Amy commented.
Lune looked at her brand new spear. It looked a lot like a plain spear, except it was purple, and its tip was barbed. "I call it the Purple Flesh Sti-"
Amy flinched "Lune!"
"I joke, I joke," the Dryad muttered. "I thought about 'Night Spear.'"
Garret nodded. "Sounds like a good name to me."
Suddenly, an explosion rocked the area. Lune scanned the base with her eyes and saw a thin column of smoke rising from the snow. "Are they attacking us?"
"No, I think that's one of our fellow team-mates-to-be."
"That would be me."
Lune looked down to the man who had apparently appeared out of nowhere. He was short and had a very dense beard, along with a mining helmet and an overall which seemed to be singed and charred at several spots. "Let me guess, you're a demolitionist."
"Yes, sorry about that explosion, I saw a penguin stalking me so I decided to test if my dynamite still worked in this blasted cold."
"Blasted..." Amy groaned. "Damn it, is everyone in this world made of Punite?"
Lune looked at Amy in shock. "Uh, you sort of made one there. Didn't know you could."
The demolitionist was looking around. "Call me crazy, but I don't see the Chosen One around. Is he out hunting monsters?"
"We kicked him out of the base," Garret explained.
"He was useless, all he did was building," Lune added.
"Building? Bah, where's the fun in that? Making things explode is where the fun's at!"
Lune smirked at that. "I think I'm going to like having you in our team, uh... I don't think I heard your name?"
"Oh, where are my manners... Name's Fikod."
"That sounds like a dog's name," Calvin commented.
"Hey, wise guy, I have a grenade with your name in it right here."
"Calm down," Amy said, glaring at the two men in turns. "We're not here to fight each other."
"And no blowing up these buildings, either," Lune noted.
"Awwww-" Fikod started, then saw the way the others were looking at him. "Just joking. Though I may accidentally drop a bomb now and then-"
"I may accidentally skewer you with this here spear and use your corpse as decoration for the base's walls," Lune noted with a very friendly tone, which only helped making her words creepier.
"Gotcha, no accidents," Fikod muttered. "So, what's there to do here?"
"I was finishing some battle gear for me and Amy, we were going to explore some nearby caves and see if we can find something useful. Want to tag along?"
"No, I think I'll pass this time around. But take these."
Lune looked at the rather large stack of dynamite she was offered. "I don't think I'll need that many-"
"There's a saying back in my town, lass. Why dig when you can demolish?"
"I already like this guy," Lune commented as she started working in the rest of the gear.
They had been exploring for a while, and Amy had to admit she didn't mind tagging along. She even got to wear a purple chainmail, which thankfully wasn't as... Ventilated as Lune's outfit was. Still... "I mean no offense, Lune, but I didn't think a Dryad would be so skilled crafting with metal."
"Oh, right, the stereotype, we Dryads are all about the forest and nature and moving dirt around with wands, right?"
Amy looked down. "Uh, that's pretty much what I heard back in my village."
"Well, I won't hate you for that stereotype, since I was expecting a Nurse to be completely worthless in battle."
"Thanks, I guess?" Amy said with a smirk. She then heard something and sighed. "More slimes."
"Yup. Purple ones. We're quite deep already, perhaps it's time to go back?"
Amy noticed something in a wall near them, and put her torch near it. "Purple stone?"
"Ugh, Ebonstone. That means we're right next to the Corruption."
"Yay," Amy muttered, then saw Lune lighting up one of the dynamite sticks. "Wait, don't tell me you're planning on going into the Corruption?"
"Okay, I won't tell you," Lune said as she tossed the stick close to the wall.
"Damn it Lune you're insane!" Amy shouted as she dove away from the blast range. She then remembered the slime, which was now jiggling right besides her. "Ah, crap." She took out her bow - Demon Bow as Lune had called it - and used a wooden arrow to split the slime in two. It gave a pitiful sound, like a pop, before it dissolved into bluish goo. "These things are disgusting, why are they in every damn biome?"
"No idea, and right now," Lune said as she lighted another stick, "I want to find out what's behind this wall."
"Strong monsters, pain, blood loss, death," Amy muttered.
"Heh, probably. But hey, we can respawn, right?"
"That doesn't make it any less painful."
"Just get ready to shoot at things."
Amy sighed as another explosion rocked the place. "I would be more worried about you. Do you even know how to use a spear?"
"You'll be surprised," Lune countered as she lighted up a third stick.
"Nah, I won't," Amy said with shrug.
"Good, be that way, I won't save you from any eater."
Amy was about to say something else, but then realized something was off. "Lune, let's stop this before it gets bad."
"What do you mean?"
"A bit of snark is okay, but we were getting serious, weren't we?"
Lune blinked at that. "Huh, guess you're right. Think it's got to do with the Corruption?"
"I'm not sure," Amy said, "just let's try not to murder each other, okay?"
"Sure, it would be a pity to kill something so cute," Lune said right before the fifth stick of dynamite exploded and they both saw dim light coming from the other side of the hole. "Okay time to see if the Eater of Souls are as tough as they look."
Amy looked back to the 'normal' cave they were leaving behind as she walked through the hole. "Abandon all hope those who walk through this hole."
"What was that?"
"Sorry, just quoting an old book I once read. Anyhow, what was that about cute things?"
"Just a joke to lighten the mood," Lune said.
Amy nodded and looked around. It was hard to see beyond the range of their torches - and even their torches' light seemed dimmer in this place. The only decoration in this place were strange, purple spiky... Things. A pack of Eaters appeared, but the two took care of them swiftly. Perhaps Lune was right, and this place wasn't as impossible to travel through as she heard. Still... "Lune, let's be careful. Perhaps we should go back and-" She realized her friend wasn't walking in front of her anymore. "Lune?"
She heard a muffled thud near her and looked back, then sighed in exhasperation. "Seriously, miss Dryad, what is it with you and falling into holes?"
"Screw you," Lune snapped from below.
"Not on the first exploration trip," Amy mused. Still, the hole was quite small, small enough for Amy to wonder just how Lune had managed to slip her 'talents' through it.
"Ugh, just... Did you bring any rope?"
Amy smiled sheepishly, then realized her friend wouldn't be able to see that. "Uh, no, I didn't. Can't you blow your way out with dynamite?"
She could hear her friend cursing under her breath. "This place's too cramped. I know I joked about respawning and all, but I'm not about to blow myself up just to get out of here. Besides..."
After a few seconds, Amy looked down. She could make a faint, purple glow coming from the hole. "Besides?"
"There's a rather large orb here. You should be seeing its light, if one could call it a light at all."
"From what little I remember of the legend, those are Shadow Orbs. I don't remember what they were for."
"Perhaps they're a sort of chest?"
"Do you see a way to open it?"
"Not really, but if I poke it hard enough with my spear..."
"Perhaps you shouldn't-" Amy stopped as a horrible chill run down her spine. "-Something tells me you broke it."
"Yup, it wasn't as tough as it looked," Lune noted.
"So, found anything there that you can-" Amy shrieked and leapt back in surprise as the floor in front of her exploded upwards. "What the?"
"Oh, my bad. But I guess this musket I found really works."
Amy saw Lune climbing out of the now much larger hole. "A musket? Nice."
"Stop drooling."
"Am not."
Lune sighed. "Here." She tossed the musket at her. "My aim sucks anyways. Careful tho, it only has a few bullets, and I'm not sure we'll find more around here."
"Okay, I'll save them for the larger eaters, then."
"Well, the monsters need to watch out now, because Amy's got a gun," the Dryad joked."By the way, were you also trying to lighten the mood a minute ago?"
Amy blushed slightly. "Uh, must be this place, I wouldn't normally..."
"Gotcha. Don't worry, let's just get out of here so we can forget about it."
"Wait, the exit is this way."
"I know," Lune said as she walked in the opposite direction. "But I think I want to see what happens when I break more of those orbs."
"Pain, blood loss, death," Amy muttered.
"No spoilers," Lune joked.
She was sick of this place already, and they had only been there for half an hour. "Let's see what's ahead of us? Yay, more purple."
Lune smiled. "I'm sure we'll find a way out soon."
"That's what you said twenty minutes ago."
The Dryad saw a fork in the road, and one of the paths was going diagonally down, and straight to an orb. "What do you think, third time's a charm?"
"Hope it is, since the second one was a waste of time." Truly, they had only found another musket, a broken one. "Break that thing, breaking things seem to be your forte."
Lune sighed, then poked right through the orb. It broke down, and a small bracelet fell from it. "Uh, a bracelet? Lame."
"Wait, that's a band of starpower."
"Oh," Lune's eyes widened. "You keep it, then."
"But I already got the Musket-"
"I can't aim, and you need mana to heal me if things get bad, so-" Lune stopped as, just like with the second orb, screams echoed around them. And then, the ground started shaking. "Boss incoming in five... Four... Three... Two... One..."
Amy saw a giant worm come right out of the ebonstone. The massive creature seemed to be made of countless segments, and each segment had an eye - the topmost one also had mandibles as long as the two women were tall. "Oh, this looks like it will be damn fun."
Lune saw the worm rushing right at her, and smirked. "SHISHKABOB TIME!"
Amy saw the worm reel back and screech in pain - it had made a tactical error, as it had basically speared itself, and several of its segments were now lying on the ground. "I think that would be the Eater of Worlds."
Lune chuckled. "More like the Eater of Spears."
"Let's see if musket balls are a part of its diet!" Amy said, shooting at the creature, and hitting its center. The shots were strong enough to blast the creature in half, but... Each half now had mandibles. "Uh oh."
Lune dodged one of the worms as it tried to chomp her from above. "Damn it, next time let's ask Garret about how to fight all bosses."
"Deal," Amy said, shooting her musket at the other half-worm. That stopped it in its track, as it blew its first few sections off, but still... "Lune, I don't think we have good enough gear for this guy."
"Sure we do," Lune said.
"No, I don't-" Amy stopped and blinked in disbelief as she saw her friend holding a handful of dynamite sticks. "... Know what, you're right, let's do it the fun way," she said as she reached for the dynamite she had also brought along.
Lune looked at the smoking hole in the cliff's wall. "Well, that was somewhat disappointing."
"Its drops aren't too impressive, but I bet you could make some new gear with its scales."
"That's right," Lune said. "Let's go back home."
Amy looked around and flinched. "Uhm, which way is home?"
Lune shrugged. "I dunno."
"WHAT YOU MEAN 'I DUNNO' YOU GREEN-" Amy stopped herself and sighed. "Sorry, it's just... I'm tired and hungry."
"So am I," Lune said and walked to a tree.
"What are you doing?" she saw Lune use a gold axe to chop down the tree. "Seriously?"
The Dryad looked at her friend evenly. "Listen, I think I can make a small cabin for us to stay for the night. Let me cut a few trees and I'll try that... Unless you do want to wander aimlessly for hours fighting zombies and flying eyes," to further drive her point home, the Dryad pointed at the horizon, where the sun was already setting.
Amy sat on the ground and let out a long, tired sigh. "Fine, we'll get something to eat first thing tomorrow."
"Can't argue with that, unless you want to try roasting that worm's remains."
"I'll pass," Lune muttered, going slightly green.
Writer's note: In case you're wondering why the demolitionist doesn't have a written accent, I'm not doing written accents. Never did, never will. Mary Sue me. As for the title of this chapter... That was the least innuendo-ish title I could think about.
Chapter 3 - Guns'n'Goblins
Chapter 4 - Pinky and the Brain
Chapter 5 - Let it bee
Chapter 6 - Skull Days
Chapter 7 - Going under
Chapter 8 - Between a rock and a hardmode place
Chapter 9 - My Little Uni: Crazy Is Magic
Chapter 10 - Heavy Metal
Chapter 11 - Eye don't want to go to skull again!
Chapter 12 - Exploration blues
Chapter 13 - A series of unfortunate events
Chapter 14 - How to kill all boss
Chapter 15 - The Lunar
The NPC Chronicles.
By Kyouko Tsukino (fka Razor Knight.)
Version 1.3:
Chapter 1 - Legend of the Player
Old Version:
Prologue - The legendary good-for-nothing.
-----
The room was similar to every other room in that cold, forsaken place. Hastily placed wooden boards tried to pass as solid walls, and a single, dim torch jammed between two boards of the northern wall was the only source of both heat and light. Normally, placing a torch so close to wood would have been a bad idea, but with the cold wind constantly pouring in through the many cracks in the makeshift walls and roof, the room could never get hot enough for a fire to start.
She looked at the other woman in the room as they both stood on opposite sides of the wooden table - a table which was the only ornament this room had, other than an equally wooden, and equally uncomfortable chair. After mulling over the fact he considered this a proper room for her, she decided to speak her mind. "Something needs to be done about our current situation."
The woman smiled. "It will be okay, Lune."
"It won't, Amy. Do you know where he is right now?"
Amy, the nurse, stared at the table for a few seconds before looking at her friend again. "I saw him walk out of the base, he said something about building another tower."
"Of course he's doing that. That's the only thing he does!"
"Lune, there is no-"
"Shut up and listen," Lunette, the Dryad, snapped, "he's been around for one whole week now. I know Calvin is just happy to take the money that idiot brings back from his wood-gathering trips - and I'm not even going to wonder where he gets money from - and Garrett is too stuck on the legends to see what's happening, but I thought you, at least, would understand."
"I know he's not living up to our expectations, but perhaps we should give him some more time to-"
"More time?" Lunette shouted, "That idiot has been around for a whole damn week! He should already be done clearing the Dungeon by now, but instead he's just building
-ugly towers for no reason other than destroying the few trees around the snowlands.""And yet, he's the Chosen One, the one the legends speak of. What can we do?"
"We can stop trusting an old fairy tale book written by an unknown nobody, who's already dead and probably laughing at our stupidity from the afterlife."
"Are you implying what I think you are-"
"We kick that building-crazy
out of this place, and then fix our problems ourselves.""But he's got weapons."
"Weapons? A copper shortsword and a wooden boomerang aren't weapons. Any idiot who fell down into a hole in this biome could get better stuff than he has."
"Like that ice boomerang you have..."
"That's my point. If he tries something stupid, I at least hope he has enough brainpower to realize we can respawn, and he can't."
"I don't know, resorting to violence is not-"
"And yet you are okay with the legend which speaks of a hero who resorts to a whole damn lot of violence to save the world."
"... Damn it, Lune." Amy thought about it all for a minute, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed to her like her friend was right, and the legends were a dud. Finally, she let out a long sigh before smiling. "I'm tired of living in a cramped room made of dead wood. I'll help you."
"You can't fight."
"I won't fight," Amy corrected, "but I can still heal others."
-----
Razor couldn't really complain. Well, he could complain about being thrown into a crappy planet with no way of going back home, but he had found a way to have fun in this place. He would build a city, and perhaps others like him would then gather. Because, frankly, the companions he had gathered thus far were pretty worthless in a fight. And speaking of worthless things... "Oh, hello there, Lune."
Lunette leaned on the outer wall of Razor's room - which, unlike every other room in the base, was made out of gold bricks and furnished properly - and stared evenly at him. "I guess this means there's another phallic construction adorning the landscape now. No, wait, don't answer that, I can see it from here. It's a wonder a tower made out of cacti can be that high and not fall under its own
ing weight."Razor saw the Nurse, Merchant and Guide all walking to the Dryad. "Uhm, hi guys. If you excuse me, I have to drop what I gathered on my way back into my chest, so-"
The Dryad blocked his path. "Where are you going?"
"I would think the words 'my chest' would be a big hint, Lune - not as big as your chest, but close. I'm going into my room."
Lunette ignored his lame attempt at flirting. "That's no longer your room. In fact, none of the rooms in this building are yours anymore."
"What the
are you talking about? Did you sniff some vile mushroom dust again, plantgirl?""I'm talking about us kicking your useless
out of this place. Go away, go build elsewhere, get eaten by a vulture, we don't care.""Oh, the useless
s I built homes for think they can rebel. How quaint."The Merchant walked to him. "You know, I am the only one who would still side with you, due to you being my one monetary income source. But seeing how the fair Dryad offered to bring back coins whenever she explores, and seeing how you're a first class jerk, then..." He suddenly pulled a large golden chest and effortlessly tossed it at Razor, who leapt to the side, letting out a gasp as the chest sank into the snow, a thud signaling its encounter with solid ice.
"What the
, Calvin, that could have killed me.""I know, I have to improve my aim," Calvin joked. "Anyhow, that's the money you gave me, I've decided I will not take money from imbeciles."
"Damn it, you morons... If it's a fight you want, then what do you think will happen? You losers can respawn, do you think I care about beating you all up?"
Lunette laughed at that. "Actually, I expected you to be smart enough to realize you won't respawn."
"We don't know that yet," Razor noted.
"Want to find out?" Lunette said, pulling out her icy boomerang.
"Icy you came prepared to this battle."
"Know what I will most definitely not miss? His piss-stupid puns," Garrett commented from the side.
"So, you plan on fighting me all at once?"
Lunette shook her head. "They won't, and they don't need to."
"I've been fighting mobs for a whole week while you just sat here doing nothing. What hopes do you have-"
"Shut the hell up already. I was born and raised in the damn
ing jungle. There's wasps in there that make an eater of souls look like a harmless bunny. An idiot with a shortsword, a boomerang and a cactus armor? I wouldn't even call it a fight."Razor chuckled at that. "I was told to never hit a lady. Fortunately, you're not one."
"Oh boy, now you've done it," Calvin mused.
Lunette glared at Razor. "I'm going to shove this boomerang so far up where the sun doesn't shine, you'll be vomiting igloos for months."
"It's on," Razor snapped and charged, going for a slash to the face. Lunette blocked with her boomerang, and then leapt over his head, using the boomerang to knock him down to the ground. "Hmph, so you can fight after all."
"Just leave before you get really hurt."
"Likewise," Razor snapped before jumping straight up from the ground, going for a vertical slash. Lunette was ready for it, however, and simply dodged back, hitting the airborn "Chosen One" square in the chest with her boomerang, and as he fell down, she unceremoniously held him down by pinning his neck down with her weapon. "Damn it..."
Lunette frowned. "Last warning, go away or you'll get hurt for real."
"Okay, okay, I give up," Razor muttered. As Lunette started to stand up, however, he jammed his sword on her leg. "Oh wait, I actually don't."
Amy flinched as Lunette screamed in pain, but then saw Razor pull the sword off, so she quickly started using her healing. "A single warrior can't win against all of us."
"I'll just take down the healer, then," Razor snapped and took a step in Amy's direction. However, a dozen bunnies hopped onto his path. "Uh, okay. Bunnies. That's going to scare me off for sure."
Lunette showed him a small, violet bag. "Yes, it will."
"... You wouldn't dare. They'll eat your face off."
"You know so little about wild animals, oh Chosen One. If you spent more time befriending the ones who don't attack you, instead of killing them, you would be able to do this," and as she said that, Lunette sprinkled the vile dust all over the rabbits, which immediately turned purple with rage. However, instead of targeting the closest food sources, they decided to charge at Razor.
"Uh..." Razor stood frozen for only a second, then took off running. "You'll pay for this, all of you!" he shouted once he had run far enough to only be faintly heard.
"So, now what?" Garrett asked.
"Now, we do what that loser should have been doing. We fight and restore balance to this planet before it's too late."
"You think we should just let him go, though?"
"He'll just go build another tower elsewhere and eventually get killed by some large bug," Lunette said dismissively. "I mean, what could he possibly do to threaten us?"
"Tempting fate is not wise," Calvin noted, "and he could get better weapons out there."
"Then we'll have to get better weapons ourselves. Hell, it's not like we don't have to do that if we want to defeat the evil ones, so I suppose we'll take care of the Useless One along the way."
Chapter 1 - An eye for an eye.
-----
"And there we go," Lunette said.
"Frankly, I thought you didn't like that guy because he wasted his time building," Calvin noted as he looked at the new snow brick buildings they had just finished. He had to admit, though, that snow bricks were a lot better at keeping the heat and sealing the outside weather than one would expect them to be.
"We do need a base," Lunette muttered.
"We'll be able to fight better if we can get proper sleep in actual beds," Amy explained.
"You keep using 'we' when you talk about fighting," Lunette said, "but really, aren't you just a healer?"
Even before the Dryad had finished her phrase, the Nurse had rushed forwards, taking a gold longsword out of seemingly nowhere, and stopped her charge with the blade milimeters away from the other woman's throat. "I'm a healer, but I can fight if I have to."
"... Sorry for underestimating you, then," the Dryad said, then looked at Amy's weapon. "You had that sword with you-"
"As you said, any idiot can get better weapons than those that guy had."
"So that makes two of our group who can fight," Calvin noted.
Lunette looked at him. "Huh, I thought-"
"I can throw heavy stuff at people, yes, but that's not really too useful in a fight."
Garret walked to them. "I can't fight, but... I memorized the legend, and can tell you where to go and what to do if you want to destroy the evil in this world."
"Assuming the rest of that legend is not garbage," Lunette noted.
"Fair enough, but we don't have a clue where to start otherwise," the Guide pointed, "so what would you rather do, stay here and build a snow castle?"
"Or we could wait until Lune falls into another hole," Amy joked.
"Ha ha freaking ha," Lunette said, "So, how the heck do we get one of those bosses to show up?"
"From what I read, there's a handful of weak bosses you could fight. The first is the Eye of Cthulhu, who can be summoned by killing enough floating eyes at night."
"No specific number?" Amy asked.
"I guess that I'll go out at night and kill eyes. I'll know how many are enough when I see a giant eye appear. What about the other bosses?"
"One in the Corruption, one in the Crimson, one in the Jungle, and one in the Dungeon. There's legends of a giant slime who could show up if you murder enough surface slimes, but that may be as real as the legend of the pink slime."
"Oh, I heard that one before. I've been alive long enough to know that one's most likely raw, unadultered derpling
."Amy smiled at that. "Right, so, tonight we go hunting-"
"I go hunting for bosses, it may not be safe for-" Lunette started, then saw Amy holding her gold sword. "Oh, right. I could use the help. What about you, guys?"
"Sorry lass, but I'm useless in combat," Calvin admitted.
"Same here," Garret said.
"It's okay. We need someone to stay here in case mister legendary fraud comes back. Here."
Garret looked at the bag of vile powder. "You mean..."
The Dryad smiled "my pets are in my room, just open the door, add some dust, and you'll have an anti-hero squad ready to go."
"Oh. Good luck with your hunting, then."
Lunette saw the sun was already going down. "Don't worry, eye'll be back soon."
"Ugh, don't you turn into him," Amy muttered.
"Can't happen, my jokes and my looks are both better than his."
"Your ego, tho, is quite up to par," Amy noted.
"Keep that up and I'll drop you down a corruption chasm."
-----
Once the night fell in their world, things would often get interesting. There were several creatures out there that, while stronger than the average slime, were also allergic to sunlight. Still, the two women were not afraid - both the zombies and floating eyes lacked any intelligence or strategic ability, so they were easy to read and either avoid or kill.
Amy had surprised Lunette. Yes, they had been friends ever since they met, but that hadn't been too long ago, and she didn't know just how good her friend was with a sword. While Lunette focused on killing floating eyes, Amy was keeping the zombies at bay, sometimes using throwing knives to push the enemy back. It was a relatively easy battle, but Lunette was having fun.
But it was also taking too long. She had lost count of how many eyes she had killed, and Amy's white outfit was covered in red - and none of the blood was Amy's. "Damn it, I wish that big eye thing would hurry up and-" Lunette's complaint was interrupted by a loud shriek, and she blinked in disbelief as she saw a large eyeball floating to them. "Huh, if I had known complaining about it not being summoned was the way to summon it..."
"Focus," Amy noted. True, they had weapons, but that thing looked big enough to only need to fall on them to kill them both.
"Don't worry, I'm ready for it," Lunette said, taking a handful of shuriken out of her backpack.
The eyeball stared at them - hard for it not to do it, since, you know, no eyelids - and then shrieked again, before something quite strange happened: small floating eyes shot out of its pupil, straight at the Dryad. But she was ready for that, and quickly threw her icy boomerang at them, slicing them all in one calculated throw. The boomerang kept flying, and hit the eye dead on. The end result was an eye with an icy boomerang stuck in its iris.
"Ow, that looks painful," Amy commented.
Lunette smiled as the Eye screeched and shook, trying to get the boomerang off. "Hope that helps him chill."
The eye growled and charged at Lunette, boomerang and all. However, Lunette smirked and tossed a shuriken at it, hitting it square in the iris, and stopping its charge. "Sure you can try, but you won't win, eyeball."
Amy sighed in exhasperation. "Ugh. Seriously, Lune, stop the puns."
"Right." Lunette looked up at the Eye, that was now spinning. "Hey, what the heck is it doin-" She stopped and blinked in shock as pieces of the eye flew in all directions, and she saw the whole center of it was gone, replaced by teeth as large as her arms. "What the hell?"
"Guess you made it angry."
"Oh crap."
"What?"
"Well, I kinda used all my shuriken in one shot, and my boomerang was in one of the pieces that flew up and away, so..."
"You're telling me you packed no other weapon?"
"Uh, yeah."
Amy sighed. "I suggest we move to a better location to plan our strategy better."
"Meaning, a retreat?"
"Yup."
Lunette sighed. Looking at the eye-mouth-thing, she could only agree a retreat was the best course of action. But still... She noticed something and smiled. "Screw strategy. Catch me if you can, you stupid eye!"
Amy saw Lunette running away, and cringed as the eye flew after her. "Be careful!" Lune rolled on the ground, avoiding the Eye's charge barely. The eye flew up, then came down for another try at biting the Dryad's head off. However, the dryad was ready for it, and tossed something - Amy couldn't see what - at the Eye, who stopped and... Coughed? "Huh, what-"
"I don't mind playing dirty," Lunette noted as the eye tried to spit all the dirt she had thrown at it out of its mouth. But she couldn't stay and chat, she had to check if what she had seen was true. Yes, there it was, now she only had to-
"Lune!" Amy cried out, but it was too late. The Eye had recovered just as the Dryad tried to run away, and had rushed down, catching her in one fell swoop. The Nurse was ready to poke that thing with her sword until it died - or it killed her - when it noticed something. The eye was whimpering?
Lunette leapt out of a hole (which Amy hadn't noticed until then) and smiled as the eye exploded into countless chunks of purple and red goo. "Oh yeah, I love it when luck actually helps for a change."
"What... What the heck happened?"
"I saw something golden in that hole, and I decided to check on it. I was right, it was a golden chest, and as I hoped, there was something to use against that eyesore."
"Dynamite," Amy said, finally figuring out what had happened.
Lunette was already examining the goo. It had solidified fast, and it now looked like countless purple and red 'rocks.' "Oh hey, Demonite and Crimtane ores. We can make weapons and armor out of these."
"Using a monster's innards to make gear? Disgusting."
"We make torches out of slime innards, tho."
"Fair point. Let's pick these and go back home." Amy saw Lune staring into the distance, and frowned. "Lune?"
The Dryad pointed north. "That son of a tortoise, next time I see him he's going to be SO hurt..."
Amy looked at what her friend was pointing at, and could agree with her remark. A large building could be seen, countless torches making it easy to see even in the pale moon light. A building shaped like a fist, but with its middle finger stretched, pointing upwards. "See the bright side, Lune. He's wasting his time doing that, while we're already one step ahead of him."
"You're right, let's go, the sooner we get there the sooner I can craft a spear I can stick up that loser's-"
"Yes, yes, I know," Amy said, not eager to hear the end of that phrase, and quite sure she knew how it would end.
Chapter 2 - Is that a giant worm in your corruption, or are you just happy to see me?
-----
Amy had to admit that Lune seemed to know what she was doing. However, there was something odd about her choice of gear. "Uhm, why is your armor like... That?"
"What do you mean?"
"It looks just like your normal suit, except purple."
"It's an old trick I learnt back home. I can dye any piece of gear I like, or even parts of it."
"So you dyed parts of your armor... Transparent?" Calvin asked. He thought the armor looked much better than the normal "shadow" armor, but he wasn't going to say that out loud, as he wasn't sure whether the Dryad would take it as a compliment or an attempt at flirting.
"If I can't look the way I want while wearing an armor, then I would rather use my plain clothes."
"At least your weapons are normal enough," Amy commented.
Lune looked at her brand new spear. It looked a lot like a plain spear, except it was purple, and its tip was barbed. "I call it the Purple Flesh Sti-"
Amy flinched "Lune!"
"I joke, I joke," the Dryad muttered. "I thought about 'Night Spear.'"
Garret nodded. "Sounds like a good name to me."
Suddenly, an explosion rocked the area. Lune scanned the base with her eyes and saw a thin column of smoke rising from the snow. "Are they attacking us?"
"No, I think that's one of our fellow team-mates-to-be."
"That would be me."
Lune looked down to the man who had apparently appeared out of nowhere. He was short and had a very dense beard, along with a mining helmet and an overall which seemed to be singed and charred at several spots. "Let me guess, you're a demolitionist."
"Yes, sorry about that explosion, I saw a penguin stalking me so I decided to test if my dynamite still worked in this blasted cold."
"Blasted..." Amy groaned. "Damn it, is everyone in this world made of Punite?"
Lune looked at Amy in shock. "Uh, you sort of made one there. Didn't know you could."
The demolitionist was looking around. "Call me crazy, but I don't see the Chosen One around. Is he out hunting monsters?"
"We kicked him out of the base," Garret explained.
"He was useless, all he did was building," Lune added.
"Building? Bah, where's the fun in that? Making things explode is where the fun's at!"
Lune smirked at that. "I think I'm going to like having you in our team, uh... I don't think I heard your name?"
"Oh, where are my manners... Name's Fikod."
"That sounds like a dog's name," Calvin commented.
"Hey, wise guy, I have a grenade with your name in it right here."
"Calm down," Amy said, glaring at the two men in turns. "We're not here to fight each other."
"And no blowing up these buildings, either," Lune noted.
"Awwww-" Fikod started, then saw the way the others were looking at him. "Just joking. Though I may accidentally drop a bomb now and then-"
"I may accidentally skewer you with this here spear and use your corpse as decoration for the base's walls," Lune noted with a very friendly tone, which only helped making her words creepier.
"Gotcha, no accidents," Fikod muttered. "So, what's there to do here?"
"I was finishing some battle gear for me and Amy, we were going to explore some nearby caves and see if we can find something useful. Want to tag along?"
"No, I think I'll pass this time around. But take these."
Lune looked at the rather large stack of dynamite she was offered. "I don't think I'll need that many-"
"There's a saying back in my town, lass. Why dig when you can demolish?"
"I already like this guy," Lune commented as she started working in the rest of the gear.
-----
They had been exploring for a while, and Amy had to admit she didn't mind tagging along. She even got to wear a purple chainmail, which thankfully wasn't as... Ventilated as Lune's outfit was. Still... "I mean no offense, Lune, but I didn't think a Dryad would be so skilled crafting with metal."
"Oh, right, the stereotype, we Dryads are all about the forest and nature and moving dirt around with wands, right?"
Amy looked down. "Uh, that's pretty much what I heard back in my village."
"Well, I won't hate you for that stereotype, since I was expecting a Nurse to be completely worthless in battle."
"Thanks, I guess?" Amy said with a smirk. She then heard something and sighed. "More slimes."
"Yup. Purple ones. We're quite deep already, perhaps it's time to go back?"
Amy noticed something in a wall near them, and put her torch near it. "Purple stone?"
"Ugh, Ebonstone. That means we're right next to the Corruption."
"Yay," Amy muttered, then saw Lune lighting up one of the dynamite sticks. "Wait, don't tell me you're planning on going into the Corruption?"
"Okay, I won't tell you," Lune said as she tossed the stick close to the wall.
"Damn it Lune you're insane!" Amy shouted as she dove away from the blast range. She then remembered the slime, which was now jiggling right besides her. "Ah, crap." She took out her bow - Demon Bow as Lune had called it - and used a wooden arrow to split the slime in two. It gave a pitiful sound, like a pop, before it dissolved into bluish goo. "These things are disgusting, why are they in every damn biome?"
"No idea, and right now," Lune said as she lighted another stick, "I want to find out what's behind this wall."
"Strong monsters, pain, blood loss, death," Amy muttered.
"Heh, probably. But hey, we can respawn, right?"
"That doesn't make it any less painful."
"Just get ready to shoot at things."
Amy sighed as another explosion rocked the place. "I would be more worried about you. Do you even know how to use a spear?"
"You'll be surprised," Lune countered as she lighted up a third stick.
"Nah, I won't," Amy said with shrug.
"Good, be that way, I won't save you from any eater."
Amy was about to say something else, but then realized something was off. "Lune, let's stop this before it gets bad."
"What do you mean?"
"A bit of snark is okay, but we were getting serious, weren't we?"
Lune blinked at that. "Huh, guess you're right. Think it's got to do with the Corruption?"
"I'm not sure," Amy said, "just let's try not to murder each other, okay?"
"Sure, it would be a pity to kill something so cute," Lune said right before the fifth stick of dynamite exploded and they both saw dim light coming from the other side of the hole. "Okay time to see if the Eater of Souls are as tough as they look."
Amy looked back to the 'normal' cave they were leaving behind as she walked through the hole. "Abandon all hope those who walk through this hole."
"What was that?"
"Sorry, just quoting an old book I once read. Anyhow, what was that about cute things?"
"Just a joke to lighten the mood," Lune said.
Amy nodded and looked around. It was hard to see beyond the range of their torches - and even their torches' light seemed dimmer in this place. The only decoration in this place were strange, purple spiky... Things. A pack of Eaters appeared, but the two took care of them swiftly. Perhaps Lune was right, and this place wasn't as impossible to travel through as she heard. Still... "Lune, let's be careful. Perhaps we should go back and-" She realized her friend wasn't walking in front of her anymore. "Lune?"
She heard a muffled thud near her and looked back, then sighed in exhasperation. "Seriously, miss Dryad, what is it with you and falling into holes?"
"Screw you," Lune snapped from below.
"Not on the first exploration trip," Amy mused. Still, the hole was quite small, small enough for Amy to wonder just how Lune had managed to slip her 'talents' through it.
"Ugh, just... Did you bring any rope?"
Amy smiled sheepishly, then realized her friend wouldn't be able to see that. "Uh, no, I didn't. Can't you blow your way out with dynamite?"
She could hear her friend cursing under her breath. "This place's too cramped. I know I joked about respawning and all, but I'm not about to blow myself up just to get out of here. Besides..."
After a few seconds, Amy looked down. She could make a faint, purple glow coming from the hole. "Besides?"
"There's a rather large orb here. You should be seeing its light, if one could call it a light at all."
"From what little I remember of the legend, those are Shadow Orbs. I don't remember what they were for."
"Perhaps they're a sort of chest?"
"Do you see a way to open it?"
"Not really, but if I poke it hard enough with my spear..."
"Perhaps you shouldn't-" Amy stopped as a horrible chill run down her spine. "-Something tells me you broke it."
"Yup, it wasn't as tough as it looked," Lune noted.
"So, found anything there that you can-" Amy shrieked and leapt back in surprise as the floor in front of her exploded upwards. "What the
?""Oh, my bad. But I guess this musket I found really works."
Amy saw Lune climbing out of the now much larger hole. "A musket? Nice."
"Stop drooling."
"Am not."
Lune sighed. "Here." She tossed the musket at her. "My aim sucks anyways. Careful tho, it only has a few bullets, and I'm not sure we'll find more around here."
"Okay, I'll save them for the larger eaters, then."
"Well, the monsters need to watch out now, because Amy's got a gun," the Dryad joked."By the way, were you also trying to lighten the mood a minute ago?"
Amy blushed slightly. "Uh, must be this place, I wouldn't normally..."
"Gotcha. Don't worry, let's just get out of here so we can forget about it."
"Wait, the exit is this way."
"I know," Lune said as she walked in the opposite direction. "But I think I want to see what happens when I break more of those orbs."
"Pain, blood loss, death," Amy muttered.
"No spoilers," Lune joked.
-----
She was sick of this place already, and they had only been there for half an hour. "Let's see what's ahead of us? Yay, more purple."
Lune smiled. "I'm sure we'll find a way out soon."
"That's what you said twenty minutes ago."
The Dryad saw a fork in the road, and one of the paths was going diagonally down, and straight to an orb. "What do you think, third time's a charm?"
"Hope it is, since the second one was a waste of time." Truly, they had only found another musket, a broken one. "Break that thing, breaking things seem to be your forte."
Lune sighed, then poked right through the orb. It broke down, and a small bracelet fell from it. "Uh, a bracelet? Lame."
"Wait, that's a band of starpower."
"Oh," Lune's eyes widened. "You keep it, then."
"But I already got the Musket-"
"I can't aim, and you need mana to heal me if things get bad, so-" Lune stopped as, just like with the second orb, screams echoed around them. And then, the ground started shaking. "Boss incoming in five... Four... Three... Two... One..."
Amy saw a giant worm come right out of the ebonstone. The massive creature seemed to be made of countless segments, and each segment had an eye - the topmost one also had mandibles as long as the two women were tall. "Oh, this looks like it will be damn fun."
Lune saw the worm rushing right at her, and smirked. "SHISHKABOB TIME!"
Amy saw the worm reel back and screech in pain - it had made a tactical error, as it had basically speared itself, and several of its segments were now lying on the ground. "I think that would be the Eater of Worlds."
Lune chuckled. "More like the Eater of Spears."
"Let's see if musket balls are a part of its diet!" Amy said, shooting at the creature, and hitting its center. The shots were strong enough to blast the creature in half, but... Each half now had mandibles. "Uh oh."
Lune dodged one of the worms as it tried to chomp her from above. "Damn it, next time let's ask Garret about how to fight all bosses."
"Deal," Amy said, shooting her musket at the other half-worm. That stopped it in its track, as it blew its first few sections off, but still... "Lune, I don't think we have good enough gear for this guy."
"Sure we do," Lune said.
"No, I don't-" Amy stopped and blinked in disbelief as she saw her friend holding a handful of dynamite sticks. "... Know what, you're right, let's do it the fun way," she said as she reached for the dynamite she had also brought along.
-----
Lune looked at the smoking hole in the cliff's wall. "Well, that was somewhat disappointing."
"Its drops aren't too impressive, but I bet you could make some new gear with its scales."
"That's right," Lune said. "Let's go back home."
Amy looked around and flinched. "Uhm, which way is home?"
Lune shrugged. "I dunno."
"WHAT YOU MEAN 'I DUNNO' YOU GREEN-" Amy stopped herself and sighed. "Sorry, it's just... I'm tired and hungry."
"So am I," Lune said and walked to a tree.
"What are you doing?" she saw Lune use a gold axe to chop down the tree. "Seriously?"
The Dryad looked at her friend evenly. "Listen, I think I can make a small cabin for us to stay for the night. Let me cut a few trees and I'll try that... Unless you do want to wander aimlessly for hours fighting zombies and flying eyes," to further drive her point home, the Dryad pointed at the horizon, where the sun was already setting.
Amy sat on the ground and let out a long, tired sigh. "Fine, we'll get something to eat first thing tomorrow."
"Can't argue with that, unless you want to try roasting that worm's remains."
"I'll pass," Lune muttered, going slightly green.
-----
Writer's note: In case you're wondering why the demolitionist doesn't have a written accent, I'm not doing written accents. Never did, never will. Mary Sue me. As for the title of this chapter... That was the least innuendo-ish title I could think about.
Chapter 3 - Guns'n'Goblins
Chapter 4 - Pinky and the Brain
Chapter 5 - Let it bee
Chapter 6 - Skull Days
Chapter 7 - Going under
Chapter 8 - Between a rock and a hardmode place
Chapter 9 - My Little Uni: Crazy Is Magic
Chapter 10 - Heavy Metal
Chapter 11 - Eye don't want to go to skull again!
Chapter 12 - Exploration blues
Chapter 13 - A series of unfortunate events
Chapter 14 - How to kill all boss
Chapter 15 - The Lunar
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