The Last Post Wins!

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I was, walking past the pineapples, and one said snake, so i went to space sunday.
Then everything went dark and gloomy, and I jumped 30 acres into polystyrene.
The next thing i knew, i was in the mirror dimension, and my eyes, were pies.
I never should've told that pumpkin my IP adress, the beetle yelled that autumn.
Then a huge kettle came out of nowhere, and they were all celebrating cheesecake.
But they had angry grins and lasers coming out of their intestines.
I found a credit card that day, and traded it for a fine wine.
BUT IT WAS POISONED, they cried mysteriously, so the turtles played solitare.
Then the admin came and warned everyone not to drink sodium again.
That's how i got them fridge magnets, so I ate grapefruit for 9 hours straight.
By the end of it, my vinegar went cold, so I had to get a wet paper towel.
Oooo i do like celery, they cried that day, then laughed about that blu tac joke.
It was all over the news they said, everything was yellow, even green.
So nobody expected flying saucers to eat the turkey for us, that was pure evil.
He said, i will never eat a bar of soap again, and the aphid meant it.
Ever since, there was never a litre of cutlery one metre out of sync.
And that same tuesday, they all watched television and drank apple pies.
Oh this is the life, said the sniper on the roof, now who has my lemon juice?
But it was nowhere to be seen, and soon the trees turned red with light switches.
Oh the dark ages, said that paperclip on the news, if only i was radioactive.
The plums laughed menacingly, and then things went dark with jelly.
All through the night, crickets zoomed through the roof, eating marmalade.
Absolute nightmare, said the lamppost, as they stole household appliances.
On sunday, the bees came, armed with ketchup and vanilla.
But they were all pixelated and turned things blue.
I was not having any of it, i walked out of the bin and set my paperwork on fire.
If only my apple juice was here right now, the banana laughed, making hot coco.
The wizard got them cheery, told them all to drink mercury.
Ha, drink that? You've not gave me custard yet, they sneered.
And fred was right, it wasn't june it was april, he'd been asleep for 9 years.
I just hope they still have their insurance, now time for some lemonade.
Screams were heard that millisecond, making paintings travel at lightspeed.
And anything else thursday afternoon was a piece of blackforest gateau.
I think I left my francium in the oven too long, hope my electric bill's gone up.
AND THEN, EVERYTHING WENT PEAR SHAPED, ONIONS FLOATED AT 700MPH.
Except, they weren't really onions, they were moths, and i was asleep.
I fell out of my nuclear powerplant calmly, knowing it was just a fun hallucination.
Well, at least i'm still an icecream man, and the sun's not blue, he said darkly.
Things went good after that, marshmellows fell down from the west.
And I unwrapped my bubblewrap viciously, and turned into a kettle.
I froze my fuse box to stop my grass growing and told them to sell insulation. That winter, all they said about was credit cards in nervous whispers.
I told them it was good for the environment, so they teleported into cherryade.
It made them laugh and see 2d traffic lights in their cup of carbon monoxide.
Then, equipped with sniper rifles they drove into the sunset off a cliff.
That was fun, lets do it again, they said, playing table tennis.
So i put a jet engine in their wind mirrors and they went into the sunset madly.
This time, they did end up in the sun, and a nuke went off in my letterbox. That'll be the microwave, i jumped, and we all ate explosive fire alarms.
The world was cake, and everyone lived happily ever after.
 
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