The Land of Jalaia (Text Adventure)

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I have to save this world... *He looks up at the sky* Well, we must go... *Anga starts to walk, but stops. He looks to his guardian* So... Where do we go from here ?
 
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Messis (@Madder)
And
Solen (@Mr. Fury)
Location: Grassy Plateau
You push the creature over. It seems to not even realize what pushed it over, and starts scrambling to get up. It appears to be blind, perhaps a side effect of the fully blue eyes.

The Supressor (@IHATETHISSIGNUP)
And
Adziel (@tappaja100)
Location: Helfoni Village
The Supressor goes over to Adziel, but Adziel starts walking towards the inn. Suddenly, two shadow figures shrouded in pitch blackness appear! One is humanoid with tentacles coming out of it's back, the other being a sphere with what appear to be horns.
Battle!

Shadewalker Octosapien
HP: 250
It is extremely fast. Watch out for those tentacles.

Shadewalker Circaemin
HP: 160
Don't let those horns touch you. That wouldn't be good.

Vs.

The Supressor
HP: 150

Adziel the Destroyer
HP: 475

Enemy Ability activated!
Shadow Swap: The enemy gets to go first.
Octosapien swings its tentacle at Adziel! Did 120 damage! You try to get up, but in the blink of an eye the tentacle hits you again, dealing an extra 50 damage! Circaemin starts charging an attack.


Loculo (@Xmax360)
Location: Gem Kingdom
"Perhaps it is dead in a metaphorical sense, but no, it cannot be classified as dead. We need that item. I would do it, but...as you can see, I'm not exactly built for fighting."

Checkerface (@Creeper da Snek)
Location: General Store
You go up to the counter. There appears to be no actual counter with a clerk, instead there is a row of touchscreens that you predictably have no idea how to work. Thankfully, there is an instruction manual. It says "To look at items, simply touch screen" and you do that. A menu appears on the screen:
Sammich: A classic food from Jalaia. Heals 40 HP. 50 CP

Bamama: A fruit native to Jalaia. Heals 10 HP and allows you to attack twice. 40 CP.

Glamburger: Shamelessly ripped off from Undertale. Made of sequins and glue. Restores no HP and gives you poisoning. 60 CP.

Bomb: Does 20 damage, and makes an AOE explosion. 30 CP.

Poison Flask: When thrown, gives POISON to whoever it hits. 30 CP.

HECK: heck. 5 CP.

You have no idea what that last one is, but you're kind of curious about it.
There is another section labeled Alchemy Materials.

10 CP for 3, 5 CP for 1.

Fairy Wing
Black Feather
Clouddrake Scale
Vixareen Claw
Ice Giant Tear
Essence of Magic
Essence of Warriors
Essence of Blood
Essence of Souls
Essence of Undead
Essence of the Underworld


Anga (@Kazuki)
Location: Jekel Island
Ruby looks confused. "I'm not sure. As I previously mentioned, I kinda just tuned out the briefing. Trust me, you would too if you had to listen to my brother drone on. Well, I explored this island a bit while waiting, and I found an ice cavern that might have some treasure, if you're into that sort of thing."
 
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Checkerface indeed has no idea how to work the touchscreens, but reads the instructions and figures it out. He buys the ‘HECK’, wondering what the hell it is. He decides that he won’t buy much else until he gets more money in him.
 
"And what exactly is this 'object' because it sounds like you are trying to keep it a secret." Loculo continues to play 20 questions while crouching down to Topaz's level.
 
Seriously... *Anga sighs* Well, we'll go to this "ice cavern". Maybe there's some clues. Shall we go ?
 
Messis (@Madder)
And
Solen (@Mr. Fury)
Location: Grassy Plateau
You stab the thing. It lets out a gargled cry, then stops moving. You can see a blue wisp rise out of it's body. Suddenly, in front of you appears a man in a black trenchcoat. He appears to be in his early 20s, and has messy black hair and a scar across his left eye. He is holding a golden scale, with one side holding a small red flame, the other side holding a large blue flame. The side with the blue flame is outweighing the red flame. "Well, I guess you're good to go. I still don't understand why I have to judge animals..." With that, the blue wisp that came out of the creature goes down into the ground. The man starts to dissipate into black smoke.


The Supressor (@IHATETHISSIGNUP)
And
Adziel (@tappaja100)
Location: Helfoni Village
Shadewalker Octosapien
HP: 250

Shadewalker Circaemin
HP: 160

The Supressor
HP: 150

Adziel the Destroyer
HP: 475

The Supressor shoots Circaemin. Did 50 damage! A tentacle from Octosapien grabs the shotgun. Adziel stabs Octosapien. Did 60 damage! It now has a shiny brand new hole in its chest, but it doesn't seem fazed in the slightest. Circaemin covers its horns in a black liquid and starts charging towards The Supressor in a fit of rage. Octosapien slaps Adziel again, this time with a tentacle covered in ice. Adziel got the FROZEN debuff! The debuff roots you to the spot for a couple of turns.

Loculo (@Xmax360)
Location: Gem Kingdom
Topaz looks annoyed that he is talking to someone who has to crouch to talk to him. "Well, that's because I don't even know what it is. But I know it exists."

Checkerface (@Creeper da Snek)
Location: General Store
You buy HECK. A whirr is heard and you turn to a platform next to the screen. Something is forming in it. It's a mysterious fruit called a Mapple. It has random effects every time you eat it.

Anga (@Kazuki)
Location: Jekel Island
"Alright then! Off we go! *GAAAASP*, 100 bottles of ale on the wall! 100 bottles of ale! You take on down, pass it around..." After a couple minutes, or what felt like an hour thanks to Ruby's singing, you arrive at the cavern. It has chiseled walls covered in ice, and a couple of light blue furred wolves.



 
*Steals back their CUSTOM MADE WEAPON THAT THEY KEEP AGOOD GRIP ON THE ENTIRE TIME, and then SUPRESSES CIRCAEMIN to stop its charge.*

Note: you can’t just go having a character’s ONLY and MAIN weapon being stolen unless it’s a boss fight tooled around it, such as when Jack fought Gluttony. It also feels like you want to disregard The Supressor’s main thing, being able to silence or supress anything, with stuff like when Topaz was unable to be silenced for no reason past “He’s magic”. Stuff like that is just cheap and disrespectful to your players.
 
Hey @IHATETHISSIGNUP, Looks like someone's a little maaaad. I intended from the beginning for this to indeed be a boss fight. And I also intended for you to take the thing back easily. No, I'm not trying to disregard your main thing. Let's look at my notes when planning this, shall we? This is taken directly from them.

"All gems are impervious to magic attacks"

And later on:

"Shadewalker fight is a boss fight, though a fairly easy one."

Also, it appears that you are comparing my TA to Demon God Ivuul's, which I really don't appreciate. And? And guess what, I've got some advice for you as well. Don't outright decline someone from your TA, because guess what? That feels kind of downgrading. Instead, tell them places of improvement and such, but don't say "Your character is rejected." say "You have a good character, but here are some points of improvement."
I've gotten off track enough here, so let me reiterate my main point: I PLANNED ALL OF THIS. And please don't be rating my text adventure on "Hmm, Demon God Ivuul didn't do that, so you're doing it wrong!"
I, once again, planned ALL OF THIS. If you would like to see my notes, I'd be happy to show you except I do not want to spoil you on the main story. Alright? Alright. I'm sorry if I sounded rude with this, but I am a bit miffed right now. Let's continue with the text adventure.
[doublepost=1513936379,1513935991][/doublepost]Oh gosh, why tf did I type that? That came off as extremely rude, didn't it?
Edit: while I am sorry about the way I executed that, I am not sorry that I said it. I wanted you to understand that I planned all of this and didn't just shoehorn it all together, like you and perhaps some other people think.
 
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Solen tries to harvest/salvage whatever he can from the corpse of the creature.

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TheGuy said:
Also, it appears that you are comparing my TA to Demon God Ivuul's, which I really don't appreciate.
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I've had no particular gripes with your text adventure(other than very limited options of things to do, which I'm not too bothered about, this is the beginning after all). But, as a GM, you should expect to be compared to games of similar nature. I do think that the comparison is a tad unfair at the moment due to DGI having a few years of experience. But I think that everybody can learn from each other. After all, DGI didn't necessarily learn on his own either, his first forum TA did start after he was inspired by a TA on an Earthbound fan forum, but it was very simplistic starting off, you'd be forgiven for thinking that his first forum TA was done by a different person.

Anyway, unrelated to the quote, you mention your plans a lot, try not to plan too rigidly, otherwise, it's eventually just going to be restrictive and the 'plans' thing is just going to seem like an excuse to players. If it weren't for some actions that were done in the first chapter of the Neibreth Text Adventures, it would have wound up with plot elements like Scorpion Von Cruelix being the bigger bad(This was actually a considered plan that didn't make the cut, you can ask DGI himself).
 
Once again, I'm sorry I typed all of that. I just wanted IHATETHISSIGNUP to understand why I did the things I did.
[doublepost=1513941190,1513941100][/doublepost]Also, when you say there are very limited options to do, what do you mean? I want to understand how to make this whole thing a better text adventure, and I do want criticism.
 
TheGuy said:
Don't outright decline someone from your TA, because guess what? That feels kind of downgrading. Instead, tell them places of improvement and such, but don't say "Your character is rejected." say "You have a good character, but here are some points of improvement."
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It did not fit the theme. A dragon doesn't usually fit post apocalyptic theme. Especially a nuclear apocalypse. Sorry that I didn't know how you could "improve" the character into fitting. And Mr. Fury is unwilling to Unofficial Cleanup Crew characters on my thread.
 
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