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The Land of the Dead (Text Adventure)


Phaedra looks to Xiyel.
"You think you could look at the myriad of injuries I've sustained so far, most notably this gunshot wound?"
Phaedra unbuttons his overcoat and moves his blood gauge aside to reveal a bleeding hole in a slate of gunmetal-colored flesh with a horizontal grain along the width of his chest.


*Garrun utters a basic prayer for Phaedra.*
“Exuse me... Phaedra was it? You seemed to come with the doll, do you know what is with it? And would someone mind describing to me what the wound looks like?”
*Garrun grabs a stick to feel in front of him with and stops the vision.*


Duke Fishron
Fred continues to watch.
For Call from the void:

Well, I know he's watching this, voidhunter, you know where to find me.

Deputy Hue

(Benevolent Tingler)
Tingler pushes clockwerk off of him, realizing that button 2 is incorrect for this fight.
Tingler presses 7 on his remote, and proceeds to hit Big Henrys knee.

Mr. Fury the Bootleg

Pixel Pirate
Well, 2 updates have gone by, time for an episode. While we wait for others to do their turns.
Helpings of Hostility, hosted by me, Hostility, with intern and Q&A guy!
I'm not an intern.
I have a name you know...
Nobody cares.

Anyway, we have a random guest today, some random guy I plucked from the multiverse.
If this is a trap, I will find your universe, and I will take you out with precision the likes of which has never been seen, I don't have much patience nowadays.
Shut up ageless drifter.
Shut up joke thief.
The joke is stolen?

Anyway, another podcast mentioned the vanishing of the Chimera, should we talk about that?
A chimera you say?
Yes, why are you interested?
No particular reason, which one?
The Ultimate Chimera;Trapper Edition of course! It seemingly got repaired completely out of nowhere...
*obviously angry vague grumbling*
Anyway, yes, the Chimera has indeed disappeared from the Land of the Dead, I only have vague details of where it is, because I still seemingly have a degree of influence on it, it appears to be fighting some monster that I don't influence that is capable of fighting back.
A monster capable of fighting back at these chimerae? Maybe I ought to catch a few if it isn't 1 of a kind...
If you destroy the Chimera, I will have your head!
Believe me, you don't want to destroy his Chimera, he will get back at you in an extremely petty way(see;You basically get targeted exclusively by monsters)...

Anyway, don't you usually have a Q&A by now?
Uuuh, yes, please don't shoot me with that creepy looking gun... I feel it staring into my soul... It looks like it's seen a lot of blood.

Anyway, uhhhhh, Q&A time!
From a Crazy Pete...
Am I gregnant?
What? Why are you all saying yes?
No point saying otherwise, this guy's a loon, even if he's got some things right.
Personally, I still haven't recovered from that Sin Gel Bomb from last week in non-linear time off air when he somehow called our old business number... How do you send packages through the phone?
Is that Crazy Pete? How did you get on this line?
That's not Crazy Pete... I've never met him, but I just know... That guy is a prankcaller, a pretty well set-up prankcaller. Anyway, let's move on to the next question...

Did you see any weird incidents going on right now? I want to know that, since in our case somebody had just made an nuclear-sized fart from eating too much broccoli.
- Arbiter of Not-a-Game
Can we just skip this question?
*1 Complete Agreement Later*

I think I'll stop sending you these now, also have a target to take down, I'll catch next one of these, though, that's guaranteed.
Well, good luck with that Voidhunter, make sure you don't get wiped out by something stupid.
You know this guy?
Regular listener.
I wonder if you are his target because you have a Chimera? He did say something about hunting them a while back, although he did say his chimera troubles were over.
Don't alienate the listeners Q&A guy, he could be hunting something more 'void' related. He is the voidhunter.

Well, that's about it for questions, I guess we'll see you next time, feel free to send in questions, we don't have a mailbox.
And now I leave, the fact a Chimera got repaired puts me on edge...
What is your name anyhow?
You don't need to know, you mightn't see me again. Anyway, show's over, cya.


Should I go and read the updates from before a joined (as well as the updates for other people)? On one hand, I think it would give me a better idea of what is going on. On the other hand, part of the whole point of my character is that he doesn't know :red: (actually not knowing :red: makes my RP more authentic).

Sky High

Ice Queen
Dollie catches up with the group after crashing into the tree.

"You really need to pay a bit more attention, Phaedra. I can't control Dollie all the time. On another note, looking forward to using this."

Dollie withdraws a jar from her inventory.

"These are mine. They can trap unfortunate souls to make it easier for me to keep L - uh, Dollie - safe. But there's nobody around for me to use them..."

Dollie stops.

"Oof, that tree hugs really hard..."

Changing Flask

Duke Fishron
Grigor, knowing the dangers of steakhouse decided to not enter it. Instead, he analysed the other options. One of them was the bar - he loved vodka, like every other Russian out there. The smithery didn't seem that much interesting, although he could pay the visit to it. A gas station brought him nostalgia, though. Seems like an technological one.
He noticed the dispute and black crystal, but he didn't seem to care that much. So to the bar he went.


Oh boy, I can't wait to be an absolute monster upstanding citizen, I hope you we all can die have fun together!

Please don't pay attention to the incredible 'politeness', this is just a 1-time joke for my first message on this game thread. But anyway, the rules don't joke, I am the hostiles this time around :p
Oh. This is your last chance. I'm wondering that why you don't go to mantigames to find this product. Just kidding you.

Jones: So, i’ve got a very VERY special announcement today folks, our music list has expanded!
My dear friend has found a couple records in some of those presents that just appear in the wilds, and now thanks to him we can now listen to:
Altered Beast I - King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard
Declaration of Independence - King Cream Soda
Highway to the Danger zone - Kenny Loggins
99 years dead or alive - Guy Mitchell
Rock Lobster - The B-52’s
Mononoke Dance - Denki Groove
Beat it - Michael Jackson
Constipated - Weird al Yankovic
Get me golden - Terraplane Sun
The ghost of Old man mose - Harry Gold
16 tons - Tennessee Ernie Ford
Ghost Riders in the Sky - Sons of the Pioneers
Jukebox Saturday Night - Glenn Miller
Mr. Sandman - The Chordettes
Praise the lord and pass the ammunition - Kay Kyser
Wouldn’t it be nice - The Beach Boys
In the Garden - Red Vox/ Vinny “Vinesauce” Pizzapasta

Quite the new selection, this now puts the music we play on this station at 60! enjoy!

~~~~The Undying Ultimate Chimera (@Mr. Fury)~~~~
HP: 940/1,000 LVL: 666
Current Location: ???

UC: 940/1,000 [PSI SHIELD]
Panphobia: 0/80

The UC attacks the Panphobia with a nasty bite! It did 82 damage! The Panphobia screeches as it’s shadowy form disappears, leaving behind a small glowing orb.
Obtained 1 Dusk Core!

As the chimera looks around his surroundings, now that the enemy has been dealt with, he notices he is in some kinda cave.

It looks like there is only one way to go, so the chimera goes ahead and starts heading in the direction of south.

As the chimera heads his path, he enters a large room, there is a small pit (not endless, there is a bottom and a ladder to escape from it.) on the other side of the pit is a large opening leading outside judging from sunlight coming through.

There is a present nearby, and also a strange device.
In the bottom of the pit, there is a strange beehive looking thing, and another panphobia trying to hide in the shadows down there for an ambush, but it’s glowing eyes and mouth can be seen….

???: Woe o’ Woe forsooth i sayeth onto deaf ears…
Endless woes and even more woes be.
Lord, oh wondrous lord, i hath always prayed to ye, i hath struck down those who opposith ye! Prithee, tell me… Why hast thou cast me into this wretched underworld?!

The chimera notices a gloomy looking man wearing rusted and ruined crusader armor, his armor is covered in black colored blood and he has a sword that is now just stained black. The knight notices the Chimera
Knight: Zounds! Another vile demon! …. Wait.. Prithee, if i may ask… thou art not one of them? You carry one of those foul knaves hearts…

I hath been here for so… so…. Long…. The town, they keepest saying that we will leave on the morrow… Alas, it hath been years…
The town, they… they forever call this place “Death’s waiting room”. But who knows what that means.

The knight puts his head back down.
Knight: Wandering beast, please knowith this.
One of the walls, thy be fake… it be the exit to this wretched dungeon.

~~~~Amenhotep (@TheSpeluknerv3.
HP: 50/50 LVL 1
Current Location: The Savage Savannah: Crystalline Caverns
UPDATE 4/25 until AFK Farmable

As Amenhotep runs into the cave, he steps on a loose rock and falls into a huge crystal cave, and into a nearby underground lake to break his fall. He gets out of the lake and looks at all the crystals, as he hears above him the angry shouts of a man.

Amenhotep runs deeper into the crystal caves, while yelling out for god to help him… suddenly, as he says this. He hears chittering noises he turns behind him as a tall creature with glowing see through wings is seen, the creature is holding a shotgun and wearing a cloak. Amenhotep notices that the creatures face is VERY insectoid and has 4 pupiless eyes.
The creature, while still holding it’s gun approaches amenhotep, What are you going to do to fend off this bug monstrocity?

~~~~The Despicable Varvin Arthan (@Person999)~~~~
HP: 231/271 LVL 4
Current Location: The Overgrowth: near Grimwich City


~~~~The Somewhat “Nice” Phaedra (@Madder)~~~~
HP: 319/440 LVL:4
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Road
~~~~Dollie (@Sky High)~~~~
HP: 200/220 LVL: 3
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Road
~~~~Brother Garrun (@IHATETHISSIGNUP / Jedinate)~~~~
Body HP: 210/210
Head HP: 200/200 LVL:2
Current Location: The Overgrowth: Road
Asmodeus: ???/???
Slogra: 800/800
Herex: 450/450
Xiyel: 250/250

Herex responds to Garrun
Herex: You're just a puny archer, Stay out of my way and just let me rip off some paladin heads, and we will get through this with no hard feelings…
Herex revs up his chainsaw-spear

Phaedra asks Xiyel about treating his wounds.
Xiyel: Hmm.. gunshot wound, various scratches, and broom-shaped markings. I’d say you’ve definitely seen quite a lot. Here, take this.
Xiyel hands Phaedra a red pill.
Xiyel: it’s a rare medicine that cures anything, stops bleeding, heals up open wounds and even evacuates any and all things that don’t belong in your body, such as bullets, splinters, tumors, curses, anything really. I’ve spent about a month stockpiling them from those strange presents for this mission.
Phaedra got an SCP-500 Pill.

Herex: Hmmph, if only we had brought a better doctor along, Xiyel can’t even use magic.
Slogra: Enough with this ya feckin’ dingbat.
Herex continues walking ahead, clearly not caring for anything or anyone, just wanting to kill paladins.
Xiyel: Herex is unfortunately, right, i have to rely exclusively on these pills, i’ve spent years doing my best to try to understand magic and become a better medic, but unfortunately, i just… can’t…
The Dollie shenanigans happen.

After a bit of travelling, the group eventually make it to a kinda forest clearing, as seen just down the hill is a large walled city.

Asmodeus: there it is, Alexandria.
The entire group look at the large city, banners of skulls with swords piercing them are all across the walls.
Large towers with search lights are seen.
The gate is also shown to have two large tank-like vehicles by it.

Herex: Hmmph, it looks like they REALLY fortified the place, not that it matters.
Xiyel is seen looking through some sorta scope.
Xiyel: They have archers lining the walls doing patrols, climbing the wall would be a horrible option. The ground gate is guarded by landwyrms…
Asmodeus: if i recall, Alexandria has an extensive sewer system. We can sneak into the city from there and do an ambush from the inside.
Herex: Or we could smash their landwyrms and break through the gate. I SAY WE DO THAT ONE!
Asmodeus: unless anyone else has any other potential ideas, should we take on the ambush tactic?

~~~~Traumatized Greyton (@Xmax360)~~~~
HP: 301/301 LVL: 2
Current Location: Pumpkin Yard Autumn Fields
~~~~Fred (@Defure)~~~~
HP: 210/210 LVL: 2
Current Location: Pumpkin Yard Autumn Fields

Greyton and Fred continue to watch Tinglers battle.

~~~~Benevolent Tingler (@Deputy Hue)~~~~
Body HP: 205/330
Head HP: 250/300 LVL 4
Current Location: Overgrowth: Crossroads near Pumpkin Yard
~~~Party Member: Clockwerk~~~
HP: 555/600 LVL 4

Tingler: 205/330 250/300
Clockwerk: 555/600 [AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]
Big Henry: 135/300 [PSI SHIELD] [ :( ]

Tingler presses button 7.

Clockwerk takes a stance as he lets out a mighty:
Clockwerk begins to glow as rocks around him slightly lift into the air. Clockwerks screaming continues as his metal mohawk turns yellow.

Clockwerk then suddenly proceeds to go in and out of the ground while making gasping noises and oh mys. He finally stops and seems kinda normal again, except for the fact that lightning is surrounding him.
Clockwerk: STAHP
Clockwerk attacked with a an electrical punch!
[WEAKNESS] The electricity shocks big henry good, dealing 80 damage!
Big Henry attacks! Missed due to the tears!
Tingler attempts to break big henrys legs via his hammer directly on the knee, it did 35 damage, Big Henry backs off. And falls to his knees.

Big Henry: ENOUGH!

Look at me… i’m pathetic. I lost, to that primitive golem and one single undead. I’ll have to keep getting stronger if i am to be of any help to Myeconn…

Big Henry stands up.
Big Henry: Relish it undead, your kind wins, yet again…
Big Henry super jumps away. All of the blockage clears allowing tingler to go in any direction he wants to.
Clockwerk: STAHP. NO!
Gained 800 EXP and 30 DT.
Clockwerk has grown to level 4!
Tingler has grown to level 4!
Max body HP has increased to 360

Please choose one perk, trait or ability:
Gun Nut: The perfect gun is out there somewhere right? No… You'll make it! Increases the chance of crafting with guns yielding ridiculous results!
Medusa: As a dullahan, you studied in the ancient art of annoying video game enemy movement patterns, allows you to toss your head in a wave-y pattern hitting enemies
Frizz’n’Bang: Allows you to learn the Frizz and Bang spells, Spells level up.
Wild Deadlands: The afterlife isn't ALL that serious, taking this perk will allow you to have plenty of new weird and wacky encounters! Not for the serious of temperament!
MERASMUS!: Cursed by a wizard, you will start each battle with a random status effect, good or bad!

~~~~Fedora Ron (@Matthus)~~~~
HP: 107/107 LVL 1
Current Location: Hell: Ruinous Road

Ron: 7/107
Deerablo A: 10/60
Deerablo B: 60/60

The Discoball fires it’s lasers, it misses Ron
It hits the Deerablo A for 50 damage!
Ron shoots Deerablo B with his gun, SMAAAAAAAAAASH! It did 120 damage! Deerablo B was defeated! Deerablo B dropped a present.
The Disco ball disappears.
Ron tried to flee, but he couldn’t flee this fight!
Deerablo A tosses a firebomb! It did 50 damage!
Deerablo A is looking weak...

~~~~Grigor (@Halt)~~~~
HP: 325/325 LVL 1
Current Location: Savage Savannah: New Canberra


Grigor heads into the bar.

A green colored see through man, clearly a ghost is seen polishing shot glasses. He looks distressed by something.

Also in the bar is a pool table, a juke box which is ONLY playing Tom jones what’s new :red:cat over and over, it looks like someone thought it would be hilarious to set it up to play 21 times…

Also in the bar is a few fellows playing pool at the pool table, they all look like mobsters and they all seem to be some sorta anthropomorphic jackal men.

At the bar there is a skeleton drinking away, and a lost soul clearly trying his best to try to hit on said skeleton, and failing horribly. Closer to the jukebox is a bunch of booths, they are empty right now aside from one woman, a dullahan who seems to be messing with a broken gun.

The bar keep ghost looks at Grigor
Austin: G’day mate. What can i get fer ya?

~~~~Magnus (@TheGuy)~~~~
HP: 452/452 LVL 2
Current Location: Stasis

Magnus is no longer playing due to him decided not to come back before feb 1st arrived, as part of my plan stated in the discord server, he is removed from the game and once the devil deal between the chimera and amenhotep is done, he will be completely removed from the game one way or another.
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*Coughs for attention.*
“Could someone describe the city for me? I’m blind? Remember? Also I personally believe the sewer method to be the better of the two.

What’s a landwyrm?”
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